It's up to me to forget
by lullys
Summary: They were best friends since childhood. But a lot of things have changed in both their lives, and now they have to deal with a whole new feeling - and its consequences.  David Cook's version of the "What if There's Nothing Left Tomorrow" fan fic
1. Sis

**Prologue**

Time doesn't seem to pass, my legs are weak, I don't know how long I can take this…. Who would know how far I would go, I didn't even want to audition in the first place… There's so many people here... But she is missing... I think my heart is gonna explode. Go Ryan, say it! Ok, 2 Davids... I don't think it's me, Archie was way better than me yesterday… this is it. David, of course... but which one?

I saw my whole life passing through my eyes, that expectation was like the end of a crazy journey, a long journey...

**1. Sis**

Music had always been my passion, I confronted a lot of people that said I couldn't make money with this…  
>But I never thought about giving up, even when I had to play in a bar for 6 people, and 3 of them were staff, I knew my time would come…<br>One thing always gave me the strength to go on: my family and friends. Specially Matthew and Anne, who were almost brothers to me.

I'm currently working as a bartender, just to make some money, because honestly, I don't know anything about drinks... I can only drink them...  
>And after a binge session, I woke up late to follow my brother on that American Idol audition...<p>

It was too early, and the rain was pouring down, but it was his dream, I had to be there for him…  
>I just wasn't counting that I was gonna be on the real thing…<p>

A guy came with a camera and thought I was funny, asked if I had some kind of talent... I joked, saying I could do acrobatics, but he convinced me to sing, and thought I should audition too. I didn't want too, that was Andrew's dream, not mine... but he was very supportive... I had no Idea what song I was gonna sing, so I called Anne, maybe she could help me...

"Bon Jovi! Nice one, Sis! I knew I could trust your good taste in music! I call you later to tell how it was!"

I was very nervous during the audition. Simon said I was something that I didn't understand. I guess he didn't, too. But I got 3 Yes! I didn't even want to audition, and now I'm going to Hollywood! But there was the sad part, Andrew didn't get it. I asked ifhim if he wanted me to give up, after all, this was HIS dream… he said he wouldn't let me give up, and he'd be with me until the end….  
>I couldn't wait to tell my Sis... after all, she was the one who always said that someday I'd have my chance.. I tried to call, but my battery was dead, and I couldn't wait to tell her! I decided I would wait until I got home, to tell in person is always better.<p>

When I got home, I went straight to Anne's and when she opened the door, I shouted:

"SIS! I did it! I'm going to Hollywood!"

I held and lifted her in the air… I invited her to celebrate, put her in my car and we went to a bar… She sat on the table and I went to get us 2 margaritas.

"I feel terrible that my brother didn't make it... He wanted it so bad! After being approved, I asked him if he would be upset with the fact that I was going on and he wasn't. If he did, I would give up Sis… but he was very supportive, he told me I should go on anyway, and he was gonna be there for me.

"Of course he is, Bro… I wouldn't expect less from him… He would never ask you to give up, and I know you would do the same if you were in his shoes…

We finished our margaritas and I went to get us more.

"I'm going to Los Angeles, but I want you to email me EVERY DAY, and I'm doing the same... I'm not promising to call everyday because it's expensive and I'm not a rockstar yet... but I'm calling everytime I can... don't forget about me! I' m gonna miss you so much!"

I woke up with a hangover the next day. I could hardly remember the end of the night, just the part where I said to Anne "I'm gonna be a milionaire and we're gonna party everyday!"

I started packing to go to California, after all, I'd be leaving soon. I asked for a few days off at work, I didn't know how long I'd be there, if I had to, I'd quit. When I got home, Anne came running to tell me she had been accepted to the Cinema classes in Australia that she wanted so much, and she was leaving tomorrow! Right after she left home, I got a call saying I was supposed to go tomorrow too. I sent her a message to tell. It was a new journey for us.

* * *

><p><em>This is the beginning of the fic, it's the same one of the other fic I'm posting, "What if there's nothing left tomorrow", but it's David's version of the story... you have to read this one too, to get all the details of everything.<em>


	2. New Roads

**New Roads**

I was kind of scared when I got to Hollywood, I had no idea what was going to happen…

People seemed nice, there was a guy with huge dreads... another one must be 13… wow, that one is gay, for sure! I spotted 3 guys that I'd probably get along with...

Actually I was getting along with everybody, they were all very cool people.

As expected, those 3 guys were awesome, Michael, Luke and Jason. Little did I know what we would go through together!

...

On the Hollywood week, I sang Everything I do, by Bryan Adams. I thought I had done well, but Simon gave me a "no". I was approved anyway, but I got upset. Then Ryan told me that Chris Daughtry got a no from Simon at the audition. Maybe I'm lucky too!

After that, I choose I'll Be and then, the most terrifying elimination came: the Top 24. If I moved on, it would be awesome, I was already taking that seriously. When Paula said "yes", I was so relieved…. I called Andrew, asked him to tell everybody... after a while, I got a text... "you did it, Bro!"  
>I started missing everything... I remembered our trips, our partis... I fell asleep with that in my mind.<p>

I woke up the next day with somebody knocking on the door. I opened it, and Anne was standing on the doorway! I couldn't believe she had come all the way here! I held her tight, I confess I almost cried...

"I cannot believe you came, Sis! It has been so long since I saw someone familiar, and all of the sudden you show up here! I'm so happy!"

She smiled at me, but there was something different... It was probably because she was adapting to another country…. We went for a walk, I forgot she already knew it, and I told again about the Top 24 and all the good things that were happening. But she was weird I asked if there was something wrong, she denied, she was just sad for leaving again. She left the next day, and I felt lonely again…

I rehearsed all day long, did some vocal exercises, played guitar, hung out with the guys… Later, on the hotel, I lay on the bed and fell asleep, I woke up sweating and scared….

I had a dream about Matt, it was very weird, apparently he was hurt, on a lonely place, alone... I could hear glasses breaking, sirens, people screaming, and then it all dissapeared... I could only hear Anne crying...

I felt relieved when I woke up, it had been a very real dream, my heart was racing, I could hardly breathe... I called Matt, nobody answered, my heart was racing even faster, there was something wrong...

I finally managed to talk to Anne's mom, and she told me Matt was out of town... didn't say where he was and when he was coming back…

But I trusted her, I trusted the whole family, so I could go back to normal... Matt was fine, I emailed Anne, asking for news, she didn't reply...

I decided to go for a walk, but I came back to answer the phone... the boys were getting ready to party:

"What's up David, you're not getting down? We're in room 407, let's enjoy our day off! Don't bring anything, there's enough drinks and girls here…."

I put another shirt and got my guitar, I thought we were gonna play... but the guys made fun of me, and I left the guitar on the corner...

We started with Tequila...

"I can see the drinks, but where are the girls?" I asked.

Michael explained they were in the bigger room, and we were going there... they had been drinking before, and were stumbling and laughing on the hall. MJ was always telling me there was a very cute girl there… he could barely say her name…. I think it was Carly...

We got into the room, everybody was already there... I didn't see Archuleta there, maybe he was in bed, it was late... people was so loud, I remembered of the parties I used to go with Matt, I felt comfortable, I was making some drinks while I was sober...

Girls approached me to ask how I did that, and I treid to teach them... but it was impossible, there was not that many bottles to brake...  
>Between one drink and another, I took some shots and in a few time I could hardly say the name o fone of the guys there… Kachizie, Chazikie...<br>I was single, and I was kind of attracted by some of the girls there... but I had just got out of a relationship, a very complicated one, and I wasn't sure I was completely over Kelly yet... some of the memories were still there... but when I went to Hollywood, I was determined to start over... and have a lot of fun as well, I didn't know how long I'd be there, I had to enjoy every second.

Ad honestly, I hadn't missed her these days at all, and even less when one of the girls, with a sweet voice, asked if I could follow her to her room to get some CDs…

"Sure! I saw you singing yesterday, you are great... I remember your voice, but I forgot your name..."

"Kady..."


	3. Meetings

**Meetings**

Kady seemed to be young, he was very pretty... I told her I remembered her voice, but the truth is, I hadn't even noticed her singing when I first saw her on stage...  
>We walked throught the already dark halls of the hotel, and she was more sober than I was... when I accidentally kicked an ashtray on the floor, she laughed and pulled me by the arm...<p>

"Is everything okay? Your name is David, right?"

I couldn't help laughing...

"Yeah! Is this your room? I'd love to take a look at it, the decoration seems direrent than mine!"

She stared at me, and when I was almost regretting saying that nonsense to that girl I barely knew... she held my hand and answered...

"Come in... this room is probably way different than yours anyway..."

She slammed the door, that girl who I found naive really wanted to show me her room... and show herself to me…

She was amused with my total lack of balance, caused probably by the amount of alcohol, until she finally managed to knock me down in bed…

But I don't think she knew who she was messing with, and I had to show her how to really knock someone down…

I woke up with Michael banging on the door:

"Let's go man, we must go back to our rooms before dawning and people catch us here!"

I put on my pants, shoes, picked up my shirt from the floor... and left the room, I don't think she saw me…  
>I slept a few more hours before waking up for the first performance... there were only 24 of us, and I was a bit nervous, couldn't even find my cell…<br>I remembered I had left it in Kady's room, luckly she took it to me on the rehearsal, and tried to start a conversation by asking me who were those love messages from… but just knowing that she had read it… I didn't have patience to talk to her anymore...

We were introduced to the guys who would take care of our wardrobe, make up, hair… time flew that afternoon, I had barely rehearsed, but I was excited with the first performance…  
>Stage, lights, the judges in front of me….<p>

I sang "Happy Together", and I think I did a good job, now the journey was beginning...

There was a party to celebrate the Top 24, it was amazing…. I met one of the contestants from a previous season…. Her name is Kim, and seems to be very nice… and hot, too….


	4. Competition

**Competition**

Things seemed to be working out. With Happy Together, I went to Top 20, with All Right Now I went to Top 16, and with Hello, I made to the Top 12! And I wasn't taking it serious on the first place….

I got to know people better, I always talked to Kim... I had a feeling I'd have eternal friends.

Right after Top 12, I took courage and asked Kim out... we were getting along well… just a few people on the AI knew we were going out, and we asked them to keep it as a secret…. We didn't want to expose ourselves for now... at least while the show was still on.

I was doing very well on the performances. When I sang my own version of Billie Jean, even Simon was amazed. But on Top 9, when I was about to sing Little Sparrow, I was kind of overloaded with everything that was happening, rehearsals all week long, being on a different state, I hadn't heard from Matt and Anne for so long…. I got sick. After I performed, my blood pressure rose, my heart was pounding, I had to go to the hospital… but It wasn't serious, I was back to the show the next day. I had no problems anymore. As closer we were getting to the end, the more anxious I got. It seemed incredible I had got that far… and Kim was always there, and we were still hiding our relationship from everybody.

I missed Anne... I barely heard from her, I was wondering how she would be doing in Australia, if she was watching American idol…. I wished she was there with me, after all, she always followed my attempts to succeed, she had to be there for the most important of all.

I had na Idea to show her I hadn't forgotten about her. On Top 3 I was going to sing Dare You to Move with my guitar, and I put a red rose on it. I was knew she loved red flowers... I hoped she'd see it and realized that it meant she was still my best friend, and was always close to me...

After a long road, I made to the final, together with David Archuleta. I wanted to win so bad! On the performances night, I didn't do so well as I'd like, I mean, I think I did, but not everybody shared that feeling. On the final day, I was sure Archie would win it. It was a very good day, all the Top 12 was there, we performed together… I had to memorize tons of songs in a week...  
>My family was there... but it was weird looking at the audience and not seeing Matt and Anne's faces... specially hers, who always told me I'd be here someday, and wasn't there to see it...<p> 


	5. Acclaim

**Acclaim**

The big moment had arrived. Just Archie and me on stage...

Time doesn't seem to pass, my legs are weak, I don't know how long I can take this…. Who would know how far I would go, I didn't even want to audition in the first place… There's so many people here... But she is missing... I think my heart is gonna explode. Go Ryan, say it! Ok, 2 Davids... I don't think it's me, Archie was way better than me yesterday… this is it. David, of course... but which one?

And after the longest 2 seconds ever, Ryan announces...

"COOK!"

I didn't know what to feel, what to think, I couln't believe it... I hugge Archie, without really realizing what was happening... and then, when I was alone on stage, I broke down, I had made it, I had won! I'll never forget the moment I sang Time of My Life…

When the show was over, I was still euphoric on stage… and then, I saw a familiar face coming towards me….I couldn't believe it!

"Bro, you did it! You are the new AMERICAN IDOL!"

I held her so tight, I cried harder than ever…

"I cannot believe this is happening, Anne! I just can't! "

"But I can!I knew it from the beginning! Actually, I always did..."

"I can't believe you're here, I thought you wouldn't make it!"

"Did you have any doubts I'd come? You really thought I wouldn't be here for the most important day on your life? After 20 years, it's almost as you don't know me at all…

"I missed you so much... You made my day, Sis!"

...

We went to Tulsa the next day, I wanted to see everybody, specially Matt, who wasn't there for the final… he owed me an explanation! We went straight to Anne's place, their mom was making lunch for us… Right after we got in, something odd happened. Anne ran towards Matt, and jumped in his arms...

"How are you feeling?" I felt the tears rolling down..."

"I'm fine..."

"Are you sure? Really? You scared the hell out of me!"

"I'm sure, don't worry..."

I was confused. I understand she had missed him, but that was too much.

And then, Anne told me Matt had had a car accident while I was in LA, and had almost died. I was so mad! How come nobody had told me? He is my best friend!  
>Anne was trying to explain...<p>

"It was my fault, Bro... I went to LA just to tell you, but I found you so happy and I lost my guts... I requested that no one told you, so you didn't lose focus, or decided to come home… you were doing so well…"

But I didn't want to hear it... I was dissapointed, angry...

"You couldn't have hidden this from me... you didn't have this right! You know what, I'm not hungry anymore..."

And I went home.

When I got in, I thought I'd explode. I wanted to throw something against the wall... I heard the door opening behing me, Anne was shouting...

"You have to listen to me, Dave!"

I challenged her.

"What if I don't want to?"

She locked the door and took the key.

"You're not getting through this door."


	6. Changes

**Changes**

David, I'm sorry, I didn't want to worry you... I had good intentions, you were so happy! I'm sorry!

I felt angry just with the sound of her voice. I never thought I'd feel that for Anne in my entire life.

"So, you think this is how it works? You do this to me and believes that by apologizing, things will be perfectly fine? I had the right to know, Anne! You disappointed me! He's my Best friend! What if he had died? You would just send me an invitation to the Month's Mind mass?"

I could jump down her throat. I was trying to control myself...

"You know what? I should have told you… Maybe you'd act like I did. Do you wanna know how my wonderful trip really was? I drank things I didn't even know that existed. For about 3 weeks, I can't remember being sober. I attended parties thrown by people I don't even know, I saw and did things you can't even imagine. I slept with a guy that I don't even know the last name, just because he took me to my room, as I was to drunk to go by myself. And do you know why I did all of this? To try to forget the fact that my brother was lying on a hospital bed, and I didn't know if he'd be alive the next day! I wanted to forget, I didn't want to suffer, David! See why I didn't want you to know?"

I started to cry, and so did she... But I could't believe what she had sais... How could she have been so irresponsible, having her first time with a guy she doesn't even know? I was feeling angrier...

"What do you mean, you slept with a random guy? Nice attitude, Anne! And you always judged me, and always said your first time would be special... I bet it must have been very special to wake up next to a completely stranger!"

"Dave, I wasn't feeling well, and you're not helping me with these words..."

"Help? So, it was you who needed help, while your brother was in a coma you were drinking and throwing little parties, you are such a good sister, he is gonna be very proud when he finds out!"

"You're not gonna tell him, are you?"

I felt like going out and telling everything to Matt at that same moment.

"Oh, beyond all of this, now you're a liar? Wow Anne, you were always my best friend, and I thought I could rely on you, actually I relied too much on you…"

At that moment, I thought we would never be friends again.

"Ok, David, I guess you have a new life now, it would be a total waste of your time to stop for a few moments and try to understand, instead of shout like a maniac, right? You know what... I just don't bother anymore..."

She unlocked the door and left, and I was alone with my anger.

After she left, I was thinking about all of that, and feeling so angry with her. Of course I had the right to know! Matt is my best friend, I felt betrayed for not being told anything... And thinking about him... I didn't even know how he was, if he was really ok... I decided to go back to their place, to talk to Matt. We went to his room, and I asked how he was doing. He said he was almost totally fine, and he told me everything that had happened. He asked me to go easy on Anne, because it was his fault too, he asked people not to tell me anything, so I wouldn't lose focus. But still, I couldn't forgive her...


	7. More Lies

**More Lies**

It was weird not to be Anne's friend. She had been my best friend my entire life, and not having her around was strange…. I went to their place when I could, because of Matt, but I was busy with interviews, contracts, recordings, concerts… my life had changed a lot.

But even with a cool head, I couldn't forgive Anne. How could she had been so selfish? Matt was here dying and she was there partying around? And I though Matt was one of the most important persons to her… I guess I was wrong.

One of the times I went to their house to see Matt, I was passing by Anne's room and the door was ajar. I heard her playing the guitar in there. I stopped and listened. He was playing a song I didn't know. It was about pain, a white light, not being heard… it looked…. I don't know if I was going crazy, but it was like… Matt and Anne were getting something out off their chests… That's when I truly realized how much she might have suffered with all that, and why she did all those crazy stuff. And I realized I had been a little unfair...

After AI, Kim and I made our relationship public. When I had some time off, I took her to Tulsa to meet my parents. They said they had liked her, but didn't seem too enthusiastic abut it…. They even asked about Anne, because hthey hadn't seen her for a while.

I took Kim to Matt's, to introduce them, after all, I talked a lot about her to him. They got along well, she was very nice to him... I went to the bedroom's door and saw Anne going to the living room to get her guitar. I decided to act normally with her, we couldn't be in that awkward situation forever…

"Always walking around in your socks, you never learn, do you?"

I always teased her when she walked around in socks…. She said hello, and I introduced her to Kim... but even trying to relieve the tension, I couldn't act totally normal… I think she liked Kim...

Kim and I were fine, she was with me as much as possible... I had tons of things to do everyday, concerts, interviews, photo shoots... my life had changed completely…. Of course I had always dreamed about that, but I was not used to that yet, sometimes I caught myself thinking about the calm life I had in Tulsa, working as a bartender… but next minute, I saw everything I had achieved and I knew that was the life I always had wanted…. After a while, I was able to go home more often, and Kim was always there… Everytime I went to Matt's, she was with me, but I barely talked to Anne, just some small talk about what I had been doing… I admit it, I missed her a lot, right when my dream had come true I couldn't count on her beside me…. But I was still a bit angry...

I was at home with Kim, and she said she was going to buy a chocolate. I said I'd wait for her there, it was very hot, and she agreed (very fast indeed) to go alone. When she left, I took a shower and went to my bedroom to change. When I got in, I automatically stared at the frame on my night stand…. It had a picture of Anne and me. Dispite everything that happened, I couldn't take that photo from there, as hurt as I might be with Anne…

I put my pants on and as facing the window for a while, trying to get some air… and then, I heard a voice…

"David I need to talk to you..."

I jumped, turned around and there was Anne. I turned to face the window again.

"Go ahead, Anne.."

"Can you at least look at me?"

With a huge effort, I turned around, crossed my arms and leaned on the wall...

"Your girlfriend is not what you imagine…"

I don't know why, but I wasn't chocked with what she said as I thought I would be... I think that, somehow, I was expecting something like that from her... At that moment, I felt she was almost like a stranger to me...

"I'm used to it... people are usually not what I imagine."

I couldn't stare at her, I looked down, through the window… I was feeling uncomfortable, and I didn't even know why...  
>She told me she saw Kim hitting on Matt, trying to kiss him...<p>

"How dare you say something like that about Kim? You must be out of your mind..."

I couldn't believe her, Kim was a great person, she would never do something like that... hitting on my best friend? Never... Anne left, devastated. After a while, Kim came back and she seemed upset about something. I asked about my chocolate, she said she had eaten it on the way home…. Next day, I ran into Matt and he was normal, nut seemed bothered with something. He said he was worried about some stuff from work.


	8. Surprise

**Surprise**

Some time passed, and everytime I was in Tulsa, I tried to avoid Anne. Sometimes I wondered if she wasn't telling the truth, but I knew that was an absurd idea… I didn't know why Anne came up with that, was she jealous of me? No, impossible...

I knew her birthday was coming, she was turning 21... I caught myself remembering those times when I heard her moaning about not being 21 yet, she wanted to be able to drink as much as she'd like…. And I always said that when that day came, we would get very drunk for a whole week, in different places... and she always said "I can't wait!". I couldn't believe things had reached that point.  
>Matt told me she was throwing a party. I asked him to tell her I didn't know if I could make it, I had a full schedule, but I was gonna try… I wouldn't admit it, but of course I'd do anything to make it, after all, I'd never miss my Sis' 21 birthday party...<p>

It'd be a long day for me, I had a photoshoot in the morning, some recordings and a live radio show at night, live…

Time flew, I was already on the radio, some girls were watching me through the glass, I was surronded... and when the broadcaster answered a phone call:

"Hello David, today is my birthday! Can you sing Happy Birthday to me?"

My heart was racing, I looked at the clock, 11:20... the word "Birthday" woke me up, I had forgotten abut Anne's...

"What's your name?"

(I knew Anne's voice, but even so I was kind of hoping it might be her...)

"...Sophia..."

With a trembling voice and very anxious, I quickly sang "Happy birthday to you", I had to get out of there….  
>People from the radio were a little mad at me, I had to cancel everything... my agent called me, but I said I really had to be somewhere else.<br>When I was in the elevator, I asked myself if that attitude was worth it, I didn't know how I'd act with Anne, I hadn't forgotten her yet, I considered pressing the button and go back to the radio, use work as an excuse to avoid that situation... that would be a good excuse...

I thought about her family, they'd never forgive me if I didn't show up, I ran to the car and remembered I hadn't bought her anything…

I got to the party, Matt was at the door, surrounded by girls as usual, I checked the watch again: 11:45, I had exactly 15 minutes to find and hug her….  
>But when I spotted her, 2 things came to my mind:<br>My attitude was not worth it and thankfully I hadn't spent a cent with presents to her.  
>What was wrong with her, she was dancing with the most disgusting guy from the neighborhood, if she had a clue about what he did to the girls, the lies he told...<br>Ok, I had 5 more minutes, I couldn't let that jerk turn this into a total waste of time...

"Am I interrupting something?"

My question made her jump, who quickly went from the look "oh-I-so-wanna-kiss-that-jackass" to the one "why-the-hell-did-you-just-get-here-now"... and honestly, I didn't owe her anything, so I turned around and left...  
>I was walking fast , but I could hear her heels following me, and I confess, I was relieved.<p>

I stopped at the balcony to get some air, I was in the mood for a drink, and Anne got there right after me, and she even seemed more nervous than I was... I questioned her to know what she was doing in that jerk's arms, but she didn't answer, she was playing the victim and blaming me, because I was late…. telling me I hadn't changed, hadn't grown up at all...  
>How dare she say that? She was the one going on wrong ways lately, making wrong coices and trying to justify her suffering…<p>

I was at least working, chasing my dream, what about her? What was she doing to grow up? Parties, drinks, random guys... at that moment I was sure I couldn't be more dissapointed with her, and while she yelled and I replied, I dared her:

"Surprise me with something different!"

I felt she was going to make a sudden move, impulsively I closed my eyes… I thought "Anne is gonna slap me", for a few seconds nothing happened, but I felt my shirt being pulled forward, lips being pressed against mine, hot lips, maybe due to anger and desire, wet with tears… but that was Anne! Anne, my friend! That couldn't happen, specially at that moment, I tried to push her away, I put my arms behind me, I writhed so I wouldn't feel that chill, I was trying hard not to let the sweat drip, I locked my lips and my feet on the floor, trying to cover the fact that I was trembling…

It was the wind, the last warm breeze that hit and brought me her scent, I couldn't resist and surrendered...  
>When I could almost breathe normally, she let me go….<p>

"Different enough for you?"


	9. Confused

**Confused**

She ran away and left me alone in the balcony…. I watched her leaving, pushing everybody out of the way… I wanted to go after her, but if I did, I wouldn't even know what to say, what to do… I was just standing there, her perfume was still on the air… I was confused, my best friend, my neighbor, that I knew my whole life, that knew everything about me, even gave me love advices had just kissed me… I always found Anne beautiful, but I never looked at her as a woman, just as a sister… But the weirdest thing, it had not been as weird as I thought it would be…. On the opposite, it kind of made sense, it felt almost unbelievable that we had never done that…. But still, she was still my "Sis"...

I couldn't sleep well, I was thinking about her, if that was right or not, and while I thought it was wrong, I couldn't stop thinking that I wanted to kiss those lips again...

The next day, I decided to go to Anne's to talk to her, see what was that all about, whats happening between us, because despite of the kiss, we were not talking to each other...

Matt said she was out, I went to wait for her in her room. A couple of hours passed and nothing happened. I saw her camera on the table, there was a tape inside. I decided to watch what she had been shooting lately…

But it wasn't a documentary... it was Kim... crazy about... Matt! Trying to hold him, kiss him, and he trying to get away from her… I couldn't believe my eyes... then, all of the sudden, two phrases came to my mind….

_"Your girlfriend is not what you imagine…"_

_"How dare you say something like that about Kim? You must be out of your mind..."_

I looked down, how could I have been so stupid? How did I prefer to believe Kim rather than Anne? She had all the right to hate me… But I'd not let her get away with it, I got the tape and ran out of the house. Matt asked me where I was going, but I didn't answer. I was going to clear up everything.  
>I went to Kim's house and threw the tape on her.<p>

"Can you please explain me what the hell is this?"

"What's that, love?"

She was acting as she didn't know anything. And I was going mad.

"Love? LOVE? Your "love" is right there on this tape, I can 't believe you were hitting on my best friend! Are you CRAZY?"

"David... I don't know w-"

"Oh you don't? Don't deny it, everything is there! You can keep the tape, keep as a souvenir from you love! I don't want to look at you anymore, forget that I exist, wait for the next American idol and get yourself another loser to cheat on. Bye."

I was so nervous when I left that I dropped my cell phone, and I just realized it when I got home... I didn't go back for it, I buy another one later... I felt so relieved, but I didn't know how I was going to face Anne now.

A couple of days passed, and I still didn't have courage to look for Anne. Of course she knew I had found out everything, Matt sure had said I passed by and she noticed the tape was missing, too easy to do the math…  
>I decided to go there, I found her at the porch, playing guitar. Wow, It seems like centuries since the last time I heard her playing…<p>

I sat next to her and asked her to play something I hadn't heard yet. She played a beautiful song, talking about a girl who loves a boy, apparently a friend of hers…. But he has a girlfriend... I felt as though I had heard that song before... but I'm sure it was just my imagination.  
>As she was singing, she was getting weird... At first, she was looking at me, but then she was looking down… She didn't finish the song, said she had to get inside. I was out there, and clueless about what had happened. I got in after her, heard her bedroom door closing and got upstairs. I knocked, she told me to leave. I said I believed her, that I had seen the tape, but I only made things worst, she said exactly what I was feeling, that I should have believed her without any evidences…. I was a jerk... But I began to apologize, I said a loto f things, for about 15 minutes, and then she finally opened the door and I kept talking, thanking her for forgiving me, I asked how she was doing and she brought up the subject I was trying to avoid...<p>

"David, when are you going to stop pretending that kiss didn't exist?"

I started to say I hadn't felt anything, I really didn't know what I really felt, I was totally confused... She said the world had stopped for a moment... and then, she asked me to leave, because she wanted to sleep…. I left without understanding anything, and when she was closing the door behind me, I heard her saying "He didn't understand anything…."

And that's when it hit me, I didn't think twice, I opened the door, grabbed her arm, turned her around and kissed me with all the desire that was growing inside me since that strange kiss on the balcony….  
>I closed the door and pushed her against the wall, the lights turned off… I considered stopping everything so things wouldn't get worst, but feeling her skin made me change my mind… She put her hand under my shirt, I got chills… She definitely drove me crazy... and it seemed something forbidden, something between siblings, which made things more interesting…<p>

I lifted her and was taking her to bed, the only light was coming from the moon… I didn't even want to imagine what was about to happen, I was getting more excited when I heard a knock on the door…

"Anne, are you there? We're home already… let's go out and get something to eat?"

MATT! I felt like I was waking up from an hypnosis, I was back to the real world, I looked at Anne and I saw my Sis again... I didn't say anything so Matt wouldn't hear my voice, I got out through the window and went for a walk… I was thinking about all of that, I got more and more confused, and I wanted her more and more…  
>The following days, I decided to act like nothing had happened. I thought it was the best to do, after all, I didn't even know exactly what I wanted… I guess she didn't, either... I fored myself to think of that as a moment of weakness... but I knew it was not just that.<p> 


	10. Oops!

**Ops!**

Matt told me about a party that a friend of ours, Mark, was throwing. We went without Anne, she was coming later because some friends from Australia were visiting and they would go together.

I was talking to some friends, I hadn't done that for a while, I was always so busy... I was trying not to look at Anne, who was on the other side of the room with her friends… After a while and some drinks, she came towards me, I was getting excited but she was bringing a friend along. She introduced me to Claire, she said we had a lot in common... I couldn't believe that, to introduce girlfriends to me, she really saw what happened between us as a moment of weakness… I couldn't hide my disappointment, she noticed it but pretended she didn't.

Since she apparently didn't care, I decided to get to know that girl better, she was cute anyway... We were talking for a while, she seemed to be interesting... Every once in a while, I looked at Anne. She seemed tense... or was it my imagination? Claire suggested we went to the backyard, so we could be alone, and I agreed. While we were talking, I decided I didn't care and I kissed her. But in the middle of the kiss, I remembered of Anne, I felt the scent of her skin… Like an instinct, I stopped the kiss, and gave her a frightened look...

"I can't do this, I'm sorry... You're beautiful, so cool, but I can't... It's wrong, I can't, I'm sorry!"

I ran away, got into the house again, passed through everyone and left. Outside, I called Matt and told him I was going home, he said he was going too, he had already made out with the girl he wanted to….

I wondered if I wasn't gonna be capable of beeing with anyone else. That's just what I needed... Next week, I barely saw Anne, I was full of things to do, I went to Chicago and New York, I saw Anne just a couple of times, we didn't even have a chance to talk…. I wondered what Claire had told her...

...

Despite of everything I had to do, soccer was sacred for Matt and me, we always played in the field close to home. We had to go back walking, since the boys decided to stay there and have some drinks, I just wanted to take a shower, the heat was unbearable.  
>On the way home, we met Anne, who gave us a ride, I automatically sat on the passenger seat beside her, without realizing that perhaps Matt wanted to sito n the front, since it was his car… but I guess he didn't even noticed it, he was screaming in the back seat reviving all the moves, while the only thing I could notice was her, right beside me, I noticed her hands on the steering wheel, her nails done, her legs, and finally her eyes… looking right at me.<p>

Matt got into the shower, Anne went downstairs to make us something to eat, I was sweating a lot, and I was still restless because of the game, I felt oddly excited, specially when Anne got in the room calling me "Bro", it had been a while since she had called me that... I didn't know if that was a good or a bad thing, I didn't know if she only saw me as her friend, if that way of calling me by our nickname was a test, but it was fair to find out myself if she was still that girl I met, I asked for a massage, not everybody can give a decent one...  
>But she surprised me asking something back, she caught me by surprise, but I got embarrassed and made a joke...<br>I was lying on the bed with my face down, and I waited, very anxious, for her to go to her room and get something, and I felt a chill for two reasons: something she dropped on my back and the fact that I felt her legs touching me when she sat on my back...

I was tense, but gradually her soft fingers made me relax, I could even feel the heat coming from her body... Yeah, I was definitely getting relaxed, very relaxed, she was running her nails through my back, I was tapping the edge of the bed, trying to think of anything other than the wish to turn and take of her clothes…

It was getting hotter, I was trying to control my thoughts, I thought about my missed goal, the tire I had to change, Matt naked, even my grandma in her pajamas... But nothing helped, I could feel her breathing, her sweat dripping on me, and when she grabbed my hair I lost control, and I felt my body clearly reacting...

I guess she noticed it, asking if everything was okay, everything was more than okay, I was feeling shy but delightfully excited.

I tried to get up, she was red, I saw a drop running through her neckline, she could be there for hours, but I promised to myself that I'd wait just 2 more seconds to grab her….

Ok, I couldn't take that anymore, I'd grab her, take her out of there, to her room... if it wasn't for my dear friend Matt finishing his 15 minute shower, which could have lasted for at least 45…

I was pissed off by watching him getting into the room making jokes, but I was more pissed of with myself for not taking an action earlier... Anne jumped, and even with the embarrassing situation, I was still visibly "excited"….

I tried to act normal so Matt wouldn't notice my situation, because that would lead to awkward questions.

We went downstairs to eat, and I couldn't look at Anne, I was staring at the food while eating. I must be red, just like she was... from the corner of my eye, I could see Matt looking at me with a suspicious look… I wonder if he had seen something... My face was on fire... I thought he was gonna ask me something later, but he didn't.

The following days, things inevitably got a little tense between Anne and me. I kept wondering what would have happened if Matt hadn't interrupted (again)… I was torn between the fact that Anne was my friend and my desire to go on with that, to see what would happen.

It was a totally new feeling, desiring that girl I watched growing up, that used to play naval battle with me, that introduce me to her friends, that slept over so many times, with no second thoughts... and now I could only think about her in a totally x-rated way...


	11. Boys

**Boys**

I kept going to their house, mainly because of Matt, but everytime I was there, I tried to take a peek of her room, to see if she was there… and when she was, I cursed Matt for being there too, and I couldn't join her….

One of these days, Matt told me there was a new night club in town, everybody was talking about it, and he asked me to go with him. I was excited, it had been a while since the last time I had gone out... I went to their house so we could go, Anne opened the door in her pajamas, and I froze. I asked if she wasn't coming with us, she said she couldn't, she had to wake up early… I couldn't hide my disappointment, I was sure she was going too... when I was beginning to insist, Matt showed up, just for a change…

Matt, always Matt! But okay, it wasn't his fault... but he didn't have a clue…

There was a commotion at the night club, I already expected that… a lot of girls wanted to talk to me, but I didn't feel like talking to anyone of them, first of all, they were only interested in the famous guy, and then, all I could think about was Anne… Matt, on the other hand, took advantage of the situation and hook up with a lot of girls…

We were always going to parties, everytime I was home. Anne always came up with an excuse not to go along… I don't know what she was afraid of... and I always got wasted, I wanted to forget about interviews, photoshootings, concerts.. I don't know how we managed to get home, sometimes I ended up sleeping over at Matt's, and Anne would take care of us…

One of these days, we got very very wasted, Matt even more than me, he just couldn't stand up… we got to their place, Anne was still awake. She took Matt to his room and I stayed in the living room, I was still having trouble walking correctly, so I sat on the couch. She came back and took me to the bathroom, I had to lean on her so I wouldn't fall down. She put me under the shower with my clothes on and everything, and I started to get a little better. I noticed she wasn't much sober herself, she was getting wet too…

I slipped on the wet floor and fell on her, she grabbed the shower box so she wouldn't fall. She got wetter, and I was holding her, with no strength to get up. I looked into her eyes and I couldn't help it, I kissed her… but I was traumatized by Matt, I decided to get out of there and find a place where he wouldn't interrupt us.

We crossed the house, getting everything wet on the way. I was mad with desire for her, it had to be that night, otherwise I was gonna explode….

We got into the garage, I closed the door... I didn't turn on the lights, her face was lit up only by the glow of the moon, and it still had some drops falling, which made her even more beautiful...


	12. 2 Become 1

**2 Become 1**

Anne seemed scared, I guess she wanted to get out of there, and that fragility only turned me on even more, I was going to have her and nothing would stop me that night, not even that junk on the floor, I kicked it and it made a loud noise... I pushed her against the wall, that small and wet body drove me mad, I didn't want to close my eyes, I was staring at her while I kissed her... I wanted to see her becoming a woman, it was a mix of pleasure and care, I couldn't treat her like the others, but she was exuding sensuality, I couldn't resist, I touched her delicate waist, ran my fingers to her hips, and turned her back at me. I pulled her wet, dripping hair, and for a moment I remembered that she had already been with another guy, and a feeling of possession filled me, at least at that night, she was mine and I'd show her how it was done…

With one hand I gently held her breast, and when I realized she was enjoying it, I squeezed it, I felt her bending, making me lose the fear of touching her, and wanting to explore her body even more….

I held my breath, so I could hear hers when I lowered my hand through her belly and unbottoned her pants, my hand was on fire when I finally touched her, she was hot and wet making my fingers slide, I could do that for hours, but I couldn't wait much longer... she tried to turn and kiss me, but with my lips on her eat, I liked watching her body trembling at every touch…

She seemed to be enjoying it, and I remembered that had to me unforgettable somehow… Anne loved music, and I remembered about my CD in Matt's car. Speaking about him, he would kill me if he dreamed that I was about to sit his sister on the hood of his car…

Anne didn't understand when I got into the car, but I chose the song I sang for her on AI… /watch?v=oFzOMDKWh7A

Now it was perfect, and those seconds away from her body were already na eternity, I needed to feel her naked, I took a chance by ripping her shirt, which was already wet, so it was easy, and then I kissed her neck, licked her breasts, took off her pants and in a desperate act of pleasure, I opened her legs...  
>I could barely see, I rubbed my face on her legs, that soft skin, I didn't have enough fingers to feel her and hold her when she slipped off the hood, I wanted to strongly bit her, I pushed her panties away and with the tip of my tongue I started provoking her, when I saw her body twisting, I stopped... but she knew how to provoke me too, she pulled me and took off my pants, I was surprised by her daring, and asked...<p>

"So Sis, you're gonna let me show you what's the real thing?"

With a killing look, she replied with another question...

"Are you challenging me?"

And when I begged for na answer, she got the message, and took off my underwear too, so I didn't need any answer..

So, Anne was not that innocent, good, that's what I expected, it only made me feel less guilty and more turned on about that dangerous and forbidden situation…

I pulled her close again, and I felt my foot hurt, I had stepped on a toolbox, and everything spread on the floor, as usual everytime we were together there had to be some kind of mess

We wanted to laugh, I silenced her with my hand, I laid her on the floor, I couldn't wait any longer to feel myself inside her... I looked right into her eyes when I penetrated her... a wave of heat and adrenaline filled us like a shock...  
>My heart was racing, I didn't wanna stop, I leaned on the floor, our bodies were a perfect match, we were sweating, I felt my blood running faster, Anne was dying with pleasure, and I was even more, I held her against the floor without allowing her to kiss me, until I couldn't resist, and after all that intensity, I was pulsating, I got close, kissed her and cummed... it was the best feeling in the world.<p>

I lay on the floor, breathless, and pulled her closer to me, I could just kiss her shoulder before falling asleep….


	13. Hangover

**Hangover**

I didn't sleep much, I woke up after a ouple of hours shaking… I had no idea what I was doing in a garage, and then I saw Anne slleping right next to me, and everything came back… I couldn't believe what was happening, it was like a crazy dream… I noticed she was freezing, the hair was still wet...

I put my pants on, and my shirt on her, picked her up and took her to her room. I laid her on her bed and put a blanket on her. I stared at her for a while... I kissed her forehead and went to the living room. I wasn't sleepy anymore, I turned the TV on and thought about what happened… My friend had turned definitely into a woman to me, I'd never look at her the same way… Her scent was all over me, I didn't want it to go... Everything was an impulse, but I didn't regret at all, I wanted to do it all over again, I wanted to feel her body against mine...

I don't know for how long I stayed there, thinking... I was kind of altered because of all the drinks, I didn't have strenght to go home. After a while I went to the kitchen try to find something to end that hangover, I got a Coke and went back to the living room. I was in the third gulp when Anne showed up, wearing a pink pajamas, and her face was matching that color. He gave me an awkward "good morning" and headed to the kitchen. I was thinking about what I was gonna do when she came back, but I didn't even have to bother, for a change, Matt came right when Anne was coming back eating a pizza. He asked me if I had slept over, I couldn't look at Anne… I said I had slept on the couch...

After "breakfast", I went home to take a shower, the hangover was still bad... after the shower, I slept for the entire afternoon, I was very tired, I hadn't slept well for more than a day… I dreamed about her, when I woke up it was already dark. I decided to go back to their house, I don't know, to talk to her maybe, see where we were.

I found her sitting on the porch, playing "The Truth", one of my favorite songs… I sat beside her, asked how she was doing, about Matt... She acted like nothing had happened, and thanked me for putting her on bed…. I said it was no big deal, and she started saying it had been a drunking mistake, but I know that even though we were drunk, it wasn't a mistake at all… It was one of the most certain things I had ever done… we stayed there together for I don't know how long…. Thank God Matt didn't bothered us...

We started going out, but although I liked her, I couldn't be in a serious relationship, I had a lot of obligations... We decided we wouldn't tell anyone, at least for now. Matt and her would always go with me in the interviews, photoshootings, and I tried to envolve Anne in all of that as much as I could, to make up for all the time we had spent without talking to each other, and I knew it was important to her to be with me in all of this, she had always been a great supporter and that was the "time of my life"….

We made out everytime there was a chance, in a hidden place at the Studio, in a ride home, under her blanket... but I just couldn't face that as something serious, my mind was foused in other things, and that was probably my biggest mistake… and I guess I realized that too late.


	14. Kyle Who?

**Kyle who?**

August arrived and so did our annual beach trip. I loved these trips, midnight talkings, bonfires, pool... I couldn't wait to take a break from that craziness, and spend some time alone with Anne, maybe work things out…

But on the night before, I got a phone call from the producer, confirming my trip to Miami the next day, I'd be there for 3 days and then I'd go to Washington... that was the price of fame, I had to get used to give up on things I loved…. I'd have to give up on going to the trip... I call Matt to tell him I wasn't going, I didn't have the guts to tell Anne...

I went to Miami and I just couldn't get her and the trip out of my mind…. More than ever, I was feeling the consequences of having a dream that came true…  
>There were some news that Kim and I were back together, we had run into each other in an event but we only said "hi", they got some old photos of us and started making up stories… but I didn't bother too much, they soon stopped talking and I forgot about that…. I went to Washington, and at a magazine party I met Chris Daughtry. I was his fan, I supported him when he was on American Idol, he was awesome. And I knew Anne liked him too, I went to talk to him, told him my friend was a huge fan, he got a guitar pick from his pocket, signed it and told me to give it to her. I was so happy, couldn't wait to see her face when I gave her the signed guitar pick! After a couple of days (that seemed a couple of weeks), I went back home.<p>

Their trip must be in the end too, I missed her so much... I passed by their house, the car was there, they were back! I rang the doorbell, she opened the door, I said I missed her, I was expecting her to throw herself in my arms, and say she couldn't wait to see me too, but she just called me Bro, said "Long time no see!", gave me a quick hug and called Matt. She went upstairs, I followed her to her room, but she closed the door. Something was wrong.

I went to Matt's room, asked about the trip, he said there was a new player for the team, some Kyle guy, but I didn't care much. After a while, I went to Anne's room, I wanted to give her the guitar pick. I didn't knock, she was on the computer and on the phone. She told the person it was just a friend of her brother... That bothered me.

When she hang up, I asked her if she wanted to go out that night, there was a new bar my brother discovered, but she said no, she had to meet some friends... she went to take a shower and I stayed on the bed, wondering what I could possibly have done wrong… I got the pick out of my pocket, and stared at it... I didn't feel like seeing her face anymore when I gave it to her, because I felt she wouldn't be as excited as I thought she would be, she was so different... I decided to go home, I left the pick on the bed and left. Maybe she wouldn't even notice it.

When I got home, I put my cell on the table, and it soon rang. On the screen, "Sis". I picked it, but I didn't wanna answer, I don't know why, but I didn't wanna talk to her. I let it ring...  
>Anne was avoiding me all the time, I called her, asked her out, but she always came up with na excuse…. I missed her, sometimes I wondered if our nights together weren't only a dream, she was so distant…<p>

Matt told me there would be a game, I hadn't played in a while... I went to his house so we could go to the field, and when we were almost leaving, he looked through the window and said another player had arrived. I looked too, there was a guy holding a rose... I asked if he was gay.

"Of course not, dumbass! This is Kyle, Anne's boyfriend from Colorado... they've been together since the beach trip!"


	15. Someone Else

**Someone Else**

I had misheard... It was impossible...

Now everything made sense, Anne's coldness was explained, I just couldn't believe what I heard…

Boyfriend? Anne had a boyfriend?

I didn't know what upset me the most... the fact that she didn't tell me, the fear that she might have serious feelings for him, or the "in love" looking that he was giving her….

She looked at me, she seemed embarrased about what I had found out, I tried to make my disappointment clear when I passed by them without saying a single wurod and ignoring her arrempt to introduce me her pathetic boyfriend…

In the car I was almost vomiting with the explicit demonstrations of love, his more than hers actually, because Anne couldn't take her eyes off mine, while he was all over her. Cynical. So cynical.

I put my uniform on, Kyle was new, so no one let him choose what team he prefered, luckly (for me) he was put on the other one. I looked at Anne on the bleachers, the referee whistled, the game started and my aim was not to score, but to show that guy that was my territory, and I didn't want a draw.

I didn't need to run very much to warm up, I was already on fire, I was ignoring the moves from the other players, I didn't want the ball, I wanted to annoy the "new player", every time I had the opportunity, I pushed, stepped on his foot, kicked the ball sharply against him, kicked his shin, pulled his shirt... but apparently he was very controlled... or he was a wuss and was afraid to fight there.

I was gonna take a free kick, I ran to the ball, and I felt a kick on my shin… I fell to the floor.

The pain lasted 2 seconds, an then anger came over me, when I got up I didn't think twice, I wanted to punch that jackass... I went towards him, but Matt and another guy held me...

"Matt, let me go! You saw what this jerk did?"

He tried to calm me down...

"Stop it, David, you're not even hurt, it's like you have never been slide-tackled before, man!"

The jerk even dared to play the victim, talking to me...

"I'm sorry man, are you okay?"

"If I'm okay? Are you crazy? You come from nowhere and think you are somebody? I'm gonna tell you something: back off! I'm the boss here..."

He didn't reply, he quietly left the field, everyone was staring at me, my veins were popped out, I wiped the sweat off my forehead, I calmed down and finally felt the worst pain in the world, caused by the injury in my shin, Anne showed up like nothing happened and carried me to the changing room...

She sat me on the bench, stretched my leg, I don't know if I enjoyed the feeling of her touching me, I felt cheated, and at the same time guilty because I couldn't demand anything from her, we didn't have a serious relationship, but still, that situation was annoying me...  
>I didn't know if she was actually worried, or if she was trying to be Nice so I wouldn't bring the subject up, but I had to...<p>

"You didn't have to bother... in fact, I don't even know what you're doing here… weren't you supposed to be out there? After all, that's where your boyfriend are… by the way, what a lovely guy!"

Her eyes widened, like she didn't know what I was talking about...

"Why are you doing this to me, David?"

Her cynicism was making me angry again, so I decided to tell her what was bothering me.

"ME? You are the one who comes back with a boyfriend, don't tell me anything about it, ignores me completely and I AM doing something? You're hilarious..."

And then she said something that didn't make sense. She said I was back together with Kim. I had no idea what she was talking about. She said she saw on TV that we were together again. It took me a while to understand, but suddenly it hit me: the rumours, the photos on the news… I was frustrated, I told her she shouldn't have believed that, she should have asked me, it was a lie, the pictures were old… I said I liked her, only her... what was totally true...  
>She sat by my side, looking frustrated too. And then, something came to my mind... I grabbed her arm and asked:<p>

"What about you? You're telling me you really fancy this guy? Or are you doing this just to get back at me?"

She let go of me and got up. She stared angrily at me and threw in my face the thing I regretted the most, not valuing her enough, only my career. And she said she wouldn't break up with Kyle...

Because he does give me everything I ever expected from someone and never had!"

I was paralyzed. I wanted to jump on her, take my place, take her back to me, but I didn't do anything. She said she expected more from me. So did I.  
>She turned her back to leave, and that jerk got in, asking if everything was okay. She said so, asked if he was going with her, they left together and I was alone in the changing room.<p> 


	16. Trying

**Trying**

I have never felt such an idiot in my life. How could I be so stupid, how could I have not valued her enough? I never thought I could lose her, I thought she would wait for me…. I tried to blame her, for pushing me aside too quickly, but I couldn't, I knew I only had myself to blame… and now I'd have to see her in another guy's arms, just because I was too idiot to make a serious commitment…

But there would be a come back, I'd do something to get Anne back, I just didn't know what yet...  
>I wondered for a while, until the guys come into the changing room after the game was over. Matt came to talk to me...<p>

"What's up man, you didn't go back to see the end of the game… I scored twice, you missed it! I'm glad we were not one player short, Kyle was not playing anymore either…. And how are your foot?"

"The foot is fine..."

"I'm gonna take a shower, you wanna come home later? I got a new game for my Playstation, you have to play with me! "

We got home and went to play. We heard a noise and voices upstairs.

"Anne and Kyle must be home already, I'm gonna tell you something, those 2 don't even respect the big brother anymore... "

I didn't answered. I didn't want to imagine what they could be doing. All of the sudden, Anne showed up on the stairs, wearing only a towel. I had to be strong, I could only imagine her without that towel and I immediately remembered the day in the shower… It seemed like ages ago…

I decided to stay over. But only after Kyle left, I didn't want to imagine them having sex next door. We went to bed, I was very sleepy, but Matt wanted to show me a new cd he had bought and turned on the stereo, and very loud… I was couting down until Anne coming to complain. And I was right, she entered the room almost jumping on Matt, when she saw me on the mattress.

"Are you staying over again, David?"

Matt gave her a frightened look, he was definitely unware of what was going on, but I was. I decided to be cynical.

"Is there a problem about that?"

She didn't say anything, lowered the volume and left. I laughed at myself. While I could make Anne unconfortable, there was still hope...

I couldn't sleep very well, I dreamed about her, both of them, even Kim... I woke up in the middle of the night and I couldn't sleep anymore, and it wasn't even because of Matt's snoring, I was used to that… I was rolling on the bed, I just couldn't take my mind off the next room... It was a cold night, I wanted to go there and get warm...

And then I thought "Fuck this", I got up and went to her room. I stopped at the door, I considered going back to Matt's room, it was not a good idea…. But Kyle was one state away, he couldn't do anything… I got in, lifted the blanket and lay down next to her. She moved, tried to push me away, started saying something but I held her tight, I felt my body instantly warming up and she gave up. I felt her resting her head on my chest and we fell asleep.

I woke up before her, I left the room because I know she would be pissed off because I went there. I was looking for my clothes in my bag, and there I found 2 tickets that I have bought a while ago, for a musical that I knew Anne loved, and I wanted to take her. I had forgotten about it, I checked the date, it was today! But I doubted she was going with me... But I had decided to do everything to please her, so I decided to take a risk. I went back to the room, left the tickets in her drawer with a note, telling her to meet me, and I left with Matt. After a while, I texted her, to let her know.

The play started at 7:30 pm, but I got to the theater before 6:30. I was waiting by the door, it was freezing... When there was 15 minutes left, I texted her asking if she was coming... after a while, she showed up. I was relieved.

During the play, I was trying to get closer to her, but she didn't let me. I tried to kiss her, unsuccessfully. I saw that she wouldn't give in that easily, it was better to slow down.

Next week, I had a lot of work, I was recording my CD, I was out of town and didn't see Anne. I was missing her already. On the days I was away, I was wondering if Kyle was with her, I couldn't ask Matt much things, he would get suspicious….


	17. Obligation

**Obligation**

When I came back, I was walking on the street and stopped at the music store that was nearby my house. On the window, a Fender Stratocaster. I smiled, and remembered all those times Anne and I went to this store to look at the guitars... How many times I saw her eyes shining when she was looking at a Strat... I knew this was her dream, and everytime I saw her looking a tone, I thought "one day, when I have a lot of Money, I'm gonna give her one of those..." I looked at the guitar again. I didn't think twice, I already had some money... even though our relationship was not the same anymore, I really wanted to give her the guitar. I left the store feeling very happy, because I was finally able to give her the present she always wanted! I went to her house to give her, but she was not there. That's better. When Matt saw the guitar he almost fainted. I wrote a note and put it on her bed, with the guitar. I wish I could see her face when she saw it…

I went home to wait for her reaction. After a while, I heard the door bell, when I opened the door, she got in holding the guitar and asking what was that. I decided to be ironic and told her it was a guitar. She said she couldn't take it, I saw that coming, apparently things were more formal between us… that was very weird… She mentioned Kyle... I said it was a friend's gift, and she gave in. I was very happy to see Anne with the guitar…

I was told I would have a meeting with the producers, it must be something related to my CD, which was about to be released, and I had some stuff to sign. But when I read it, I was chocked with one thing. I would have to be in a relationship with Kim again. I couldn't see the point of that, I had no idea what Kim could have to do with my new CD, what she could be useful in... But if I didn't date her, my career would end. 

I decided to give Anne an ultimatum. If she really wanted to be with me, I was willing to give up on everything, start everything again…

I invited her for dinner at Outback, she always loved going there. After eating, I said I wantd to have a serious talk with her. I saw she was scared. I asked her if she wanted to be with me, I said I regretted what I had done, and I didn't want to see her with someone else. She said no, we had our chance and she was staying with Kyle. I asked her if she was sure, we stared at each other for a moment…. And she said she was. So, I was going to do what the producers were asking me to. Before we leave, she went to the bathroom. I had a quick idea, I wanted to make clear to her how much I liked her. I got the coaster and wrote _"Sis, never forget how much I like you."_, and put it in her purse. I hope she only finds it when we get home… when we did, I kissed her on the cheek, but I wished it was somewhere else… I didn't know when I was gonna kiss her again, when I showed up with Kim it would be hard for her to forgive me…

I didn't go after Anne anymore, I was worried about my CD and Kim… I couldn't even look at her, and I had to pretend to be in love… I couldn't understand it, that was not my idea of being famous… I didn't want to picture Anne's face when she saw me with Kim.

Andrew told me there would be a dinner at Matt and Anne's and we must go. I decided to bring Kim. When we got there, Andrew got in first, and I was left behind locking the car.  
>Matt was surprised when he saw me with her, that was predictable, but the look on Anne's face was indescribable. She was disappointed, and I couldn't blame her, after everything Kim had done...<p>

There was a lot of tension at the table, but only between Anne and me, everyone else was very relaxed, Matt and Kyle were talking out loud and making jokes, Kim tried to talk to Anne's mom, who decided to torture us...

"David, remember when you and Anne pretended to get married in our backyard?"

I decided to pretend I was relaxed to, I laughed and answered:

"How could I forget? We swore eternal love… And Matt punched me in the face right after that..."

I wanted to punch Kyle in the face, he was kissing and hugging Anne… We started a little teasing game, if I kissed Kim, she held Kyle, I whispered in her ear…

When the dinner was over, I was relieved.


	18. Disappointment

**Disappointment**

I barely saw Anne, I was busier than never with the CD stuff and the fake relationship... It was a torture to me, having to be with Kim by my side... and Anne seemed busy too. On a weekend, I went to their house and she wasn't there, I asked Matt about her. He said she was in Colorado, I knew Kyle lived there...

"She has a surprise when she comes back, get ready for it."

I brought up the worst possibility.

"Is she pregnant?"

"No, it's not that much, don't even say that! When she comes back, she tells you in person..."

...

A couple of days later, I went back there and Anne was home, she was alone.

"Matt told me you have a surprise."

I was afraid about what I was gonna hear.

"Yeah... I learned how to play Paradise City…"

But I wasn't listening anymore. All of the sudden, I noticed something shining on her finger. I took her hand and recognized it straight away. But I couldn't believe that...

"What's this ring?"

Her hand was instantly cold.

"It's just a ring..."

"This is an engagement ring... what is this, Anne? Are you engaged?

I was paralyzed waiting for the answer. I saw her expression going from hesitation to challenging.

"Yes, I am. He proposed and I said yes. We are getting married!"

I felt like a hand was squeezing my heart...

"But... like that... so fast... you are not together for that long... are you sure?"

I couldn't hide de desperation look on my face.

"Yes. He loves me, he does everything for me and I like him a lot. There's no reason to wait. Don't worry, you'll be invited."

"Don't kid me Anne. You know what I'm talking about. What about us?

"There is no US, David. You made sure of this when you didn't care about us. And now, you're with her. We go separate ways from now on. We are only friends, as we always were.

I asked her the ultimate question.

"Is that what you really want?"

I wanted to hold her.

"Yes, it is."

There was a lump in my throat.

"Ok, then. I hope he can make you happy. I really do."

I was being honest. What I really wanted was to see her happy. I realized I had nothing else to do there, and I turned around to leave….

"David?"

I turned back to her. The last thing I needed was her telling me she was really pregnant.

"Can you give me one reason not to marry Kyle?"

It was paralyzed, did not see that coming. I stared at her, I didn't know what to do. Every part of my body and soul wanted to hold that girl, hug her, kiss every part of her… for one second I decided to give up on everything and do it, but when I was about to take the first step, I stopped. I couldn't risk it, there was to many things at stake… I never answered something with such a big lie and so much pain in my heart...

"I can' t. I'm sorry."

I turned around and left.

I leaned on the door, and I couldn't hold my tears. I had been a coward for giving up on the only person I really liked because of a damn contract… I had just lost her, maybe forever, for not having the guts to send all of that to hell… I thought about going back, I put my hand on the doorknob to get in again, but once again my coward side won. I couldn't. I left feeling the worst person in the world, and the most lonely. I had to forget about Anne...


	19. Truth

**Truth**

I tried in every way to get closer to Kim, to forget about Anne, but it seemed impossible, we had no chemistry, she did everything to please me, sometimes even too much, she called me all day long, gave me presents, did some surprises that instead of surprise me, made me angry...  
>I must confess, I compared them both sometimes, what Anne had that Kim didn't? Why couldn't I like her? Even sex with her was automatic, I wasn't satisfied, I couldn't stop thinkig about Anne, sometimes I felt her scent on my pillow, sometimes I cried when Kim was sleeping…<p>

Anne had vanished, everybody was talking about the wedding plans. I took a day off and decided to go to their place, when I got there she was out, on the table there were wedding magazines…. I left my bag there, I got into Matt's room and stayed there for a while talking to him, until I heard her knocking on the door, she seemed nervous and asked me to meet her at the bar that night.

When I went to take a shower, I remembered I had to hide my contract in some drawer, it was still in my bag, and when I opened it... I found a wedding invitation, when I saw her name in golden letters, I wanted to rip it, the invitation, the contract, I thought about not going to meet her, I always wanted the best for her, but all I wanted was to ruin that wedding, so I decided I was going to the bar, and I would make her change her mind…

I got into the bar, it was more crowded than when I used to play there, I noticed that some girls recognized me, some asked for photos, and I did it before Anne got there, I sat on the counter and ordered a drink…  
>While I was waiting, I asked for another drink, and then I felt altered, and I could tell her some truth that I wanted to, but when I felt her perfume, ad saw her sitting on the counter next to me, the worst I could do was being a little sarcastic:<p>

"So, what did you call me here for? To give me a map to the church? I saw the invitation, thanks..."

She didn't seem affected, and asked for explanations about Kim, I couldn't believe her, she was making all those big plans for the wedding and still had the guts to ask about Kim and me, like this was the reason we were apart… and I replied…

"The truth? Well, I haven't put a ring on her finger and she didn't choose the most expensive wedding dress in town yet, but we're fine…"

I wanted to laugh, but she seemed serious...

"Look David, I'm serious... You just have to answer a question... how far would you go for your career?"

That question made my head dizzy, my stomach dropped, I felt the vodka burning my throat, I should have thought about that before, the fucking contract was in my bag when she left the invitation there, but I wanted to confirm that she was really talking about that... and when she did, I couldn't face her, her question made sense, and made me think about what I was subjecting myself to, I didn't want to admit... I decided to let her know she was guilty too, even though I knew it was my mistake and I couldn't justify it...

"Everything happened at the same time, I'd say no, but seeing you with Kyle was hard for me, just to think about him touching you, I didn't know what to do...

"So you just accepted a fake relationship?"

"I tried a real one, when I asked you if you were willing to be with me..."

I was getting more and more confused, my words made her feel guilty, I knew it was not only her fault, but I couldn't believe she actually went on with that engagement, and in the middle of that mix of feelings and guilty, she took the glass from my hand and asked:

"Look at me... that's why when I asked you for a reason to give up on the wedding, you said you couldn't give me one?"

I agreed, and a tear rolled down her face, seeing her crying broke my heart, and I felt awful, she was so strong, but at that moment she was so fragile, and that fragility made me ignore the rationality, I decided to do what my heart and body were telling me...

"Would it be too late if I showed you now that actually I can give you a reason?"


	20. Remember

**Remember**

I pulled her by the hand, for a moment I thought the bathroom wouldn't be the best place, but then I remembered I was with her, and with her anywhere was good, I don't know if was the alcohol, but I was excited with the idea of taking off her clothes, and I got even more excited when I looked back and saw a teasing smile on her face...

I slammed the door, the band stopped playing, and on the radio... .com/watch?v=XBF6IV8W-80&ob=av2n

As a request, the lyrics described that moment, and she finally asked what the reason was, it was fair, instead of saying, I showed her that we had something special, our bodies were a perfect fit, and that was the biggest reason of all... I pressed my face against hers, took a deep breath to feel her breath hypnotizing me, I grabbed her waist and kissed her…  
>I felt her grabbing my arms, trying to push me away, but I knew her, she might even be thinking about that jerk, I did for some moments too, but the idea of her being with me was much more exciting when I thought about his fool face...<p>

Her body was softening in my arms, and all I wanted was to feel my skin touching hers, I took off my shirt and unbottoned my pants, I wanted to have her immediately, but I needed to be under control….  
>I think I was in such a hurry because I missed her so much… everything was over within minutes, and I wanted to have her again, it had been so long already….<p>

When she was going out, I held her and whispered...

"I missed your scent..."

Things got a little weird, we didn't know where we were... I couldn't look at her, just with the corner of my eye, and I couldn't help but smile… I knew she was the one I liked, I had no doubt about that… but what about her?  
>We talked a little bit and she said she had to leave. She kissed me on the face and got up. I needed to make my feelings clear if I wanted to fight for her. I grabbed her arm.<p>

"I like YOU. Only you..."

She held my neck with both hands and kissed me. I almost took her to the bathroom again, but I restrained myself.  
>I watched her leaving, I knew what to do, I was going to fight with the label to cancel that clause, I needed to be with Anne, I couldn't suffer with Kim anymore...<p>

The next day, I went to the label to try to solve the situation. When I got there, the producers were waiting for me, I was surprised. I looked at the table. Pictures of Anne and me at the bar, kissing... I couldn't believe that... they said a producer took them, I was being followed! They said they were going to break the contract because I didn't follow the rules, for a moment I considered accepting it, I couldn't agree with that, that was not the reason why I wanted to be famous, that's not what I dreamed about… but I decided trying to convince them, after all, I couldn't lose that contract… I'd have to give up on Anne again, and I knew I was being a coward… I was able to keep the contract, but they made clear that if they caught me with her again, it would be the end…. I just couldn't understand this obsession with Kim. I had no Idea how I was gonna tell this to Anne... but she was getting married soon anyway, she couldn't judge me….

I was busy all day long and the next day too, solving things about my CD. I got home at night, and went to talk to Anne. I couldn't hide my expression, and she was already saying she had broken up with Kyle. That made me feel worst. I said it right away, otherwise I wouldn't have the guts...

"No, Anne, forget it. We cannot be together."


	21. Attitude

**Attitude**

She was in shock. I felt tears coming to my eyes… I explained everything… She threw in my face everything she was feeling, said I was a coward who accepted everything, even the most absurd things and don't do anything about it…

I knew it was all true,but I couldn't say anything...

Her voice was cold...

"Again David, I expected more from you."

She opened the door and told me to leave. I had no reaction, I stared at her, I wanted to kiss her so much, but my cowardice didn't let me…. She yelled...

"GET OUT OF HERE, DAVID!"

I passed by her on my way out and I couldn't face her... She slammed the door behind me. I leaned on the door, felt the tears rolling down, that was unbelievable, how could they take her from me like that, a career is not worth that sacrifice, I didn't win that show to be miserable…. I decided what I had to do. I opened the door and got in, in 2 seconds I was facing her… I had to say what I was so reluctant to…

"This isn't right! They can't stop me from being with the woman I love!"

Her eyes widened.

"What did you just say?"

I said it again, I said I loved her and needed her... I had never said that before, but I was sure about my feelings for her…. It had always been her, even before that crazy first kiss, but I had never realized it… How could I lose her? I apologized for being such a coward, but she didn't let me finish, she pulled me by my neck chain and kissed me, a wet kiss due to the tears from both of us, but it was tears of relief, complicity…

Our kiss was full of emotion, more pain than passion, I felt relieved for finally being able to say those words, but guilty because I couldn't have a serious thing with her, ashamed for not having the guts to risk, but Anne took na action, she invited me to her room…

My body wouldn't dey that invitation, even with the fear of the consequences of that, I didn't want to hurt her even more by creating expectations that I couldn't meet... but her whisper in my ear, her waist in my arms, the desire look on her face didn't let me think for more than a few seconds, I took her in my arms and went to Matt's room...

But I regret for a moment not accepting Anne's invitation and getting into the wrong room, I didn't remember how messy Matt was, there were half a dozen pair of shoes at the door, I almost tripped on a bunch of socks, under the table there were like 3 empty packs of snacks and a wet towel on the bed, and I felt embarassed when I close the door and saw that pôster of Carmen Electra naked...

Those details made me a little unfocused, and there were still tears on her face, I was spechless, I hoped she wanted to talk more, but she just held me and made my hand run through her hot body...

I calmly took of her clothes, I wanted to pay attention to every detail of her body, how it reacted when was desiring me, and I found her perfect... I lay her down o Matt's bed, and watched her for a few moments, I ran my hand through her breasts, her belly, and finally opened her legs and lay on top of her...  
>I slowly got into her, I felt she was mine, only mine, I kissed her, I wanted to be gentle, but my body was full of excitement, na inexplicabel feeling made me move faster, I couldn't control my moans and finally cum inside her... and my legs softened with that moment and what she said next…<p>

"I love you too, Dave."


	22. Stairs

**Stairs**

She lay down next to me and asked me if it was worth going through all of that for me, and said she was willing to do everything if I said yes. I didn't even have to think, that "I love you" that she gave me put a closure in any doubt I might still have, I couldn't make things public yet, at least for a while, but just the assurance that she would be waiting made me relieved and more motivated to fix everything… I held her and said...

"I'll make it worth your while."

I assured her she could trust me.

I'd have to be away for a couple of weeks, and I'd miss her so much. Days didn't passed at all... I couldn't stop thinking about her, the thing I wanted the most was to be with her… and to make things worst, Kim didn't let go of me, what a pain in the ass!

I could only text Anne in the middle of the night, that was the only free time I had... I said I missed her, and couldn't wait to be with her... I wanted her to be sure that she was on my mind 24/7... I had a bad luck one day, I was in the shower and Kim was waiting for me in the room (I didn't let her shower with me), the cell rang and she answered… when I asked who it was, she said they hang up. I knew who it was.

When there was just a few days left for me to finally go home, Matt called me and told me he was throwing a birthday party. I made an effort so he wouldn't notice I had completely forgotten, with everything that was going on… the party was going to be on a old hangar, and on the very same day I'd return to Tulsa, so I'd be able to go, I told him I'd be there. I was glad, because I'd finally be able to take a break from Kim, enjoy my time with Anne, but I wasn't counting that she was listening to my conversation with Matt…. And of course, she invited herself to go with me...

When I got home, I got dressed quickly (but I was looking nice, Anne would be there), because I was hoping to escape from Kim, she didn't know where the party was... But when I opened the door, she was at the doorway... She just doesn't give me a break! When we got there, I saw Anne surrounded by some friends, staring at me. I pretended I hadn't seen her, I still didn't know what to say to her, I saw Matt coming towards me, I let go of Kim to hug him.

I didn't have the guts to go talk to Anne, she didn't like to see me with Kim by my side at all... Even knowing that she was the one I really loved, that's too much for anyone…. We sat in a corner, she didn't stop talking and I hardly answered her…. I saw Anne going to get a drink, she looked at me, I blinked…. Kim noticed it, but pretended she didn't... she knew Anne was the one I loved, I didn't hide my cell with messages from her, I actually wanted her to be sure I had absolutely no feelings for her.

Anne decided to act normally, she came to us to say hi, and when she bent down to kiss me, I couldn't resist, I said I wanted to talk to her... but Kim just didn't let go of me, my God! At that party I realized how patient I was... a couple of hours had passed, I had a lot of drinks to try to forget Kim was there…

She finally left to talk to some girls, and I sneak out and texted Anne to meet me under the stairs...

Before I saw her, I felt her perfume, I knew she was coming... While she was walking down the stairs, I could see how gorgeous she was in that blue dress, and more than never I realized how much I missed her… when she reached the last step, I pulled her, I smiled, she smiled back… I didn't say anything, I just kissed her, I was in a hurry, it was like the world was gonna end… I couldn't control myself, I missed her so much, I started lifting her dress when she stopped the kiss…

"Are you crazy? Not here, David..."

She was going to resist and I knew why, I didn't have to ask. And who was I to insist, my "girlfriend" was waiting for me upstairs… I was glad just for being with her, feeling her body, her scent… we were kind of hypnotized, until we heard a noise on the stairs, she pushed me and ran upstairs, it was no one, I waited for a while and went up too.

When I got back to the party, Kim was upset, her breath smelled like wine and she was rushing me to go home, I didn't wanna go, I didn't wanna take my eyes off Anne, it bothered me when a guy got close to her, and Matt's drunk friends were doing that all the time... but I trusted her, and from where I was I could see her repelling all of them… She rushed passed us and I heard her saying to a friend...

"We're gonna have to carry him, will you help me?"

I looked back and Matt couldn't stand still, I took him off Anne and asked the guys to help me putting him in the car... he was mumbling senseless things and didn't answered when I made a joke

"There you go, buddy! It had been a while since we last got waisted! You beat me this time!

I wanted to follow them home, Anne wouldn't be able to take care of him alone, but Kim had to be sick, or pretended to be, so I had to take her home... when I lay Matt on the back seat, Anne was already inside the car. I put her hand on the wheel and promised to call the next day...

When I woke up, I was looking forward to call her, I wanted to talk to her and see how Matt had behaved, I bet she would have a long and funny story about how bizarre was to take care of him alone, but even though I got rid of Kim, I had a photoshooting in the morning...

As soon as it was over, I got my cell to call her, I tried her cell because I imagined she would be in bed. It rang a lot of times, I tried again because she never knew where the cell was and used to take a while to answer it... nothing.  
>I tried her home number, Matt answered, his voice was husky, I was afraid to ask straight for Anne, so I asked if he was feeling better, he said he was still sleepy and was only awake because he heard Anne going out with his car... he told me what I (didn't) need to hear, she wasn't home, and she didn't answered me on the cell…<p> 


	23. Closure

**Closure**

A lot of things went through my mind, but I had to get used to the idea that Anne wasn't gonna be always available to me, I left her a message on her cell…

"Anne, as promised, I'm trying to talk to you, I finished a photoshooting now, I thought about you all day long... call me when you can, or when you want to..."

She didn't, I was staring at the phone all night, Kim, inconvenient as usual, kept asking me if I was expecting a call... 

During the week, I could only call in the mornings, her phone was always off, and everytime I called her home, I didn't have the guts to ask about her to Matt, so I ended up talking about anything and then I found out she wasn't there, in one of these calls I couldn't resist…

"Matt, I wanted to send a photo to Anne's cell, do you know why is it always off?"

"I have no idea man, Anne is acting kind of weird these days, she is never home, but I saw her using her cell today..."

I was getting tired of trying to talk to her and never get a reply, she was never home, she could never talk to me... something was going on, I just didn't know why Anne was avoiding me…

One day in the bedroom, Kim was out to have some breakfast and I automatically dialed Anne's home number, it was still early, it wasn't possible that she wasn't home…  
>Matt answered, I was about to hang up, I didn't want him to get suspicious of my persistence, but Anne apparently picked up the other line... hearing her voice made me relieved, and then angry, anxious... I needed to know what was going on, but it was a lot of emotions to the short time I had to talk to her, Kim must be coming back, I told her I'd pick her up that night, we had a lot to talk...<p>

I waited 2 hours for her, where I told her I would, but she never showed up, and didn't say anything. I called her many times on the cell, but as usual, it was off. And then I finally gave up and went home. I decided not to ask why she didn't go, if she cared she would give me an explanation...

I couldn't understand what was going on, was Anne avoiding me? But I knew her, if there was something bothering her, she would tell me… she had agreed on not telling anyone about us while I was able to solve things with Kim, but she apparently had changed her mind… something was wrong. I knew she loved me, but was that enough? Our relationship was getting more and more complicated...  
>A few days later, I was talking to Matt, and with my most casual voice I said it had been a while since I had talked to her, I asked him how she was...<p>

"Oh, she is great... talking more on the phone than never, can you believe Kyle called her yesterday and they talked for like 2 hours? I guess they're in good terms after the break-up… that's good, right?"

I tried to hide my disappointment, and look happy.

"Yeah, that's great..."

I was about to ask him if he thought they were gonna get back together, but I realized I didn't wanna know the answer. Was that the reason Anne was avoiding me? She was talking to Kyle again and didn't want me to know?  
>Days passed by and a lot of weird things kept happening, I called, she didn't answer and so on. When I saw her, I couldn't act like the in-love man I used to be, she made me be more distant and cold… <p>

I started wondering if it wasn't a mistake, Anne and I trying to be together. I wondered if we should be only friends... Everything we had tried so far went wrong, maybe it wasn't meant to be... I decided to have a serious talk with her, to see what we would do once and for all… to my surprise, before I do it, she did it. And she told me exactly what I was thinking, that we should stop playing boyfriend and girlfriend, maybe we should be only friends, and that I was very important to her… I agreed, I said it was better to get that over with before we couldn't even be friends.

We hugged... how could I forget that scent, how could I be away from her? Nos abraçamos... Como eu iria esquecer esse cheiro, como eu conseguiria ficar longe dela? Forgetting Anne would be almost impossible, but I knew it was the best thing to do...

I got sadder than I thought, breaking up with her was so hard… I dreamed about her pratically every night, I woke up in the middle of the night and had to control myself not to run to her house and get under her blanket…

We went back to "just friends", we tried to get back to that old friendship we had, but it was impossible... everytime we were together, I had to control myself not to take her in my arms and go to my room… Matt was always asking what was wrong, but I couldn't tell him, he couldn't even dream that my problem was not having his sister anymore…


	24. Misunderstanding

**Misunderstanding**

Producers told me there was going to be a Fox party, and gave me some invtations. I had to bring Kim, of course, and I also called Matt, Anne and Andrew. Matt confirmed right away, but Anne and Andrew wouldn't be able to go, she had a shooting and he had another thing to do… I was actually relieved Anne wasn't going, she would have to see me with Kim…

On the day of the party, Matt was a little quiet, which it's not usual for him, but he said it was nothing. We got to the party and it was very exciting. A lot of famous people, I don't even have to say how excited Kim got because of this. We danced a little and got ourselves a table. Matt had vanished, maybe he was making out with someone...

I asked Kim if I could put my wallet in her purse, she said so and went to the bathroom. As soon as I opened the purse, I noticed something weird. It was a little bag with something unknown. I mean, it wasn't unknown, even though I hated that, I knew what that white powder was…

I was astonished. I couldn't believe Kim was doing drugs! I mean, I actually could, if I thought about it... I didn't know what to do, I put the drug in my pocket and went looking for Matt, maybe he could help me… It took a while for me to find him, he was nowhere… after a while, I found him in the garden, checking his watch. He was not acting very normal, but I didn't have time to see what was going on, I was desperate….

"MATT! I was looking everywhere for you!"

"What's up Dave?"

He was looking around...

"You have no idea what I've just found in Kim's purse! Look!"

I got the drug out of my pocket and showed it to him. His eyes widened.

"Oh my God…"

He was more surprised than I imagined.

"Does she know you found this, David?"

"No, I was going to put my wallet in her purse and I found it, she was in the bathroom…. I went looking for you right after that... can you believe that, Matt?"

"No..."

"I don't know what to do, Matt!"

"Neither do I, trust me..."

He thought for a while and said...

"Dave... I... really need to go pee, can you excuse me? I really have to go, I'll be back in 2 seconds, David, don't get out of here, think about what you're gonna fo but don't go anywhere!"

"Ok, go ahead..."

There was something wrong, but I didn't know exactly what... Matt was very weird... maybe it was just an impression... I put the drug back in my pocket and waited for Matt to come back. He took about 5 minutes to return, and he seemed to be much more nervous.

"Dave, let's go home? This party is boring anyway, let's go Dave? NOW?"

"But Matt, Kim is inside, I have to go get her..."

"Give her a call and tell her to take a cab, Dave, we need to get out of here NOW, come on!"

And he pulled me by my arm. I coulsn't understand anything…

"Matt, what's goin..."

"LATER, DAVID! Let's get out of here!"

We got to the parking lot, which was empty. Before we get to the car, we heard a voice behind us...

"Hey! Where do you think you're going?"

I turned around to see who was talking. It was about 5 guys and they didn't seem very friendly. Matt was squeezing my arm so much, I couldn't feel it anymore.

"Let's get out of here, David! Come on!"

"Oh, you're not!"

The last thing I saw was the 5 guys coming towards us, I only had time to defend myself, they started kicking and punching us, I decided to do the same thing, I wouldn't get beaten whithout knowing why, there were punching and kicking everywhere, I think I even hit Matt a couple of times... someone kicked my stomach but I managed to stand up, and right after someone punched me in the face… I fell the blood coming out of my nose… after a while, I don't know how much, I heard sirens. Thank God police was there. The policemen got there already hitting everybody, someone hit my head…

They lined everybody up and started inspecting us. Whe the policeman got to me, he started touching my pants. With my heart heavy, I remembered Kim's drug in my pocket. Too late.

"Very nice. Apart from fighting on the street, you have drugs with you. You're screwed, pretty boy! Everybody to the police station, now!"

They handcuffed everybody and pratically thowed us inside the van. They put Matt and I together. I couldn't believe what was going on, it could only be a nightmare... It was too absurd to be true, I was being arrested and I didn't even know why! Matt wasn't looking at me, he was looking down all the way there. I didn't event try to talk to him, I had no strength for that…

We got to the Police station, the policeman was dragging me, my stomach was hurting, so was my head... I tried hard not to fall... They put me in a room and told me to wait. I couldn't think, I had no Idea what was going on, I couldn't put things into order... Matt must know something, but there was no way I could talk to him... I wanted to see somebody, my parents, my brother, Anne... I mean, I didn't know if I wanted to see Anne, how would I face her in that situation? It was better if she didn't come... Before I could hold it, tears rolled down, everything was falling apart, in one moment I was at a party having fun and in the other I was handcuffed in a police station… I don't know how much time passed until the officer come take me. He took me to take a picture, I felt like a criminer...


	25. Jail

**Jail**

The policeman grabbed my arm and dragged me, telling me he was taking me to my cell. Yes, it was definitely a nightmare. I was looking down all the way there, didn't wanna look at anybody, didn't want them to recognize me... Well, actually, with that dirty shirt, swollen face and that situation, nobody would believe it was me…

When we were passing by the officer's table, I raised my head and saw Anne. I didn't know if I wanted her to be there, I didn't want her to see me like that, she was probably thinking I murdered someone… I gave her an embarrassed and desperate look, I wanted to get out of there, I wanted to shout at her that I hadn't done anything…  
>She gave me a perplexed look, she couldn't believe what she saw... what was she thinking about me?<p>

The policeman was pushing me, screaming at me to go faster, I was almost crying, my stomach was hurting so much… He pushed me into a tiny cell... I sat on the floor, held my knees to my chest… I was crying even more because of pain, humiliation, the look on Anne's face… and I was still trying to figure out what was going on…

I heard a familiar voice...

"David, look at me..."

I raised my head, she was grabbing the bars, I made an effort to get up, the sweat was running down my forehead. I grabbed the bars not to fall, and looked into her eyes... I was too weak to speak...

"Anne..."

I was trying to say something, but she didn't let me...

"David, I don't know what's going on in your mind, I know you're starting a career now, and there's a lot of temptations, but I didn't expect this from you…."

Wait! What? She really believed I was guilty? If the officer had told her about the drugs, I thought she would know right away that I was innocent…. She had to believe me!

"Are you crazy? You don't know what happened!

She just stared at me, waiting for an explanation. I tried to talk, I wanted to say so many things, but in the end I didn't even know what was going on…

"Actually, I don't even know myself..."

She lowered her head, I couldn't see her expression... My eyes were pleading. She didn't say anything, just walked away. I took a breath and yelled...

"Anne, don't you trust me?"

She stopped and turned back. I saw she was crying... She wiped her tears on her sleeve…

"When you go back to being the David I met, maybe I will…"

And she left. I sat on the floor again. One of the only people I was sure I could count on, didn't believe me.

Her words echoed in that empty cell, I was getting used to watch Anne leaving, but it had never been so painful, so physically painful, my hands were cold, my heart was beating so slow it seemed impossible I would survive to that…


	26. Visitors

**Visitor**

A couple of days later, I was at a shooting on a park close to the hotel, when I focused a distant spot I saw on the camera something that couldn't be there. I thought I was going crazy. I focused again. It wasn't an alucination. It really was David coming towards me.  
>My legs trembled, my mouth was dry, the image on the camera was blurred because of my trembling hands, what the fuck he was doing in São Paulo?<br>I guess he had a lot of things to explain, but I wasn't expecting he had found out where I was and had just showed up there. My stomach was roiling, he held my camera and asked if we could talk in private.  
>I had no doubts about being rude with him, my voice was still trembling when I spoke...<p>

"Can't you see that I'm working here?"

I hadn't been able to face him yet, his voice was low, he seemed nervous, embarrassed...

"Anne, I came all this way to tell you exactly everything that happened, you have to listen to me!"

He touched my arm, I moved away, my eyes filled with tears, I was very unstable...

"David, leave me alone please, this is a working enviroment, can you respect that?"

"Anne, I'm gonna beg for your attention, even if I have to scream here, s everybody can hear…"

Nobody had noticed him, there were a lot of extras there, but it was impossible for me to continue, I was sweating and trembling…

"Let's get out of here."

While I was getting my stuff, he was walking behind me…

"Where are we going?"

"We? WE are not going anywhere David, you made all of this and you think you can just show up here, make me lose focus, apologize and I'm gonna accept as usual, do you think it's easy for me to see my brother in that jail? Matt is a kid, he doesn't know anything, and I'm sure that as myself, he always trusted you…

"Anne, listen to me..."

"No David, you listen. Drugs? Do you have any Idea how serious this is? We grew up together, and I had never seen you with these things… after this damn show you turned into somebody else… and I just won't accept that you take my brother with you in this…."

He grabbed my arm...

"Listen to me..."

I lost control, I pushed him away and yelled, already crying...

"Let go of me! What do you want, David? You already hurt me enough, I made mistakes with you too, but Matt was always your loyal friend, he was always by your side, I won't admit that you do any harm to him…. How could you let your label bail you out of jail and leave Matt there? Did your producers grow up with you? Did your producers support you when you were nobody?"

His eyes were filled with tears too…

"Well Anne, I can see you're more disappointed with me than I imagined, I actually hoped you would believe me, but I came here to tell you two things, one of them is that I'm innocent, and I'm gonna prove this to you somehow, I just don't know how… not yet…"

He wiped the tears away, but they kept coming, he looked away, took a deep breath…

"And the last thing, I got rid of that clause... actually I don't even have the contract anymore, and I got rid of Kim too... she also didn't trust me…"

"While you don't confess, nobody will trust you..."

He hugged me, I was paralyzed, didn't hug him back, and before leaving, he said...

"You'll understand someday..."


	27. Revelations

**Revelations**

I didn't understand anything. He took a deep breath and went on.

"Dave, I know about you two for a while now. Kim showed me your pictures with Anne in the bar, I was so pissed off!"

I interrupted him.

"Wait a minute... how did Kim have the pictures?"

He hesitated.

"Well... there's something you don't know. You never wodered why the label wanted you and Kim together so much?"

"Of course! I never understood this obsession!"

"One of the top producers is her uncle. That's why they made you stay with her, that's why she has access to everything."

That wasn't possible... everything made sense now. Matt continued his story.

"And after I saw the pictures, there was my birthday, Kim came looking for me and showed me both of you under the stairs..."

I immediately remembered the noise Anne and I had heard and we thought it was nothing...

"I was even more pissed off, I felt betrayed because both of you hid this from me, come on, we were friends! I couldn't understand why you hadn't told me! I was such a child, I didn't want you together because I thought I was gonna lose both of you, I'd be left out, I wanted everything the way it was! And then, I screwed everything up..."

I wasn't sure I wanted to hear.

"Kim started to instigate me to help her on her plan to make you break up. She made up my mind, told me I'd be left out, that you betrayed me and so on. And I believed her, Dave! We started to set up situations that would make you think maybe it wasn't a good idea to be together..."

I couldn't believe my ears...

"What the hell did you do?"

"A lot of things... I didn't give your message to Anne when you called, and when you asked I told you she had her cell with her, but she had actually lost it... I took it from her and hid it… that's why you weren't able to talk to her… when you asked her out on the phone, I was listening on the other line, and I told Anne I had seen you with Kim, that's why she didn't meet you… I told her you had bought a present to Kim, that I knew she really wanted, and at first, she thought it was for her… I told you Kyle had called her, it was a lie… and a lot of other things that made you think it was better if you two broke up…"

I hid my face in my hands. I was not hearing that... I could expect anything from Kim, but not from Matt... I felt like punching his face, but I restrained myself… and he went on.

"And then you broke up… and I saw how sad both of you were, and then I realized you might really like each other, maybe it was not just for fun, and I realized what I'd done… I saw that Kim was really a bitch…"

I still couldn't believe that... it was surreal...

"But what does this have to do with the prison, Matt?"

"I decided to try to fix everything, make you get rid of Kim and go back to Anne, and then I came up with a plan…"

"I'm afraid to hear..."

"When you told me about the Fox party, and that Kim was going too, I thought about what I was gonna do... I was gonna make her pay, Dave! I hired some guys to put the drug in her purse, they were gonna report her, he was gonna get caught and arrested!"

I was confused.

"But then why did WE end up being arrested?"

"Don't you get it, Dave? You were not supposed to have found the drug! You and Kim were the only people that could NOT find it!I mean, youa ctually could, but then you should have made an scandal in the middle of the party! But no, you didn't say anything, and came looking for me! When I saw you with the drug I was desperate, I saw everything was gonna go wrong…. I called the guys to abort the plan, and said I was not gonna pay anymore, because they didn't do the service… but they didn't care, they wanted the money, and I repeated that I was not gonna pay… and they started threatening me, that's why I wanted to get us out of there… But when we got to the parking lot, you know the rest…"

Please, let this be a nightmare.

"Matthew, I cannot believe how stupid you are! How could you fuck up so much?"

"I'm sorry, Dave! I made a lot of mistakes, but you have no Idea how sorry I am! I'm sorry David!"

The irony was so ridiculous, I was even laughing...

"The worst part of everything is that we got screwed and nothing happened to Kim."

"Don't even tell me about it."

"At least I got rid of her. And my contract too."

"I screwed everything up, Dave…. You lost your contract because of me…"

"It's not exactly because of you, actually it's all Kim's fault... but I'm pissed off with you too!"

"I deserve it... I wanted to make things right and ended up hurting the people I love the most... you and my sister. I screwed up, I can't ask you to forgive me... but I want to ask you something, try to understand my sister, she doesn't know anything about this, I guess she really likes you, I could see that these days you were apart…"

I wanted to push Matt against the wall and show him he had acted like a baby, he was a selfish child, but I guess being there was enough punishment for him. He knew exactly what he did wrong and the consequences of that.

"I don't wanna hear you anymore, Matt."

I got up trying to hold the tears, my heart was Racing, I slammed the door behing me. If it was up to me, he could stay there for a while.


	28. Letter

**Letter**

I had to go after Anne. Actually, I needed a shower.

Andrew was out there waiting for me, I didn't want to explain the whole story to him, I had to organize it in my head first before I could tell it to anyone… and that's what I did during the shower, because I had to tell Anne without her thinking I was crazy and a liar.

Sunlight made my eye hurt, I rang the doorbell, with my heart Racing, her mother answered, she was visibly frustrated to see me...

"What are you doing here, David?"

"It's a long story, the label bailed me out, I need to talk to Anne..."

"Anne is not here. What about Matt?"

"She's not? Matt?"

She was not being nice at all, I was feeling embarrassed and I needed to come up with a plan...

"Matt will be out soon, but first I need to talk to Anne…"

"I'm sorry to say David, she got a job and traveled abroad."

When I thought the nightmare was over, it was only beginning. I asked where she was, but I knew she wouldn't tell me...

"Where did she go? Really, we need to talk, this can help Matt to get out of there!"

As expected, she was not convinced.

"David, when Anne returns you can talk to her, about Matt, don't worry, we have a lawyer who's taking care of everything…"

I had to find out where she was, I considered going through the window, but I didn't wanna risk going to jail again, those days had been enough.

I didn't feel guilty for my lie, for the first time...

"Ok, then I'm just gonna get some stuff that Matt asked me to take him, his medicine and some books..."

"Go ahead David, you know the house... tell Matt I'm gonna be there later."

I went upstairs, the house was so empty, without Matt's voice, Anne's scent…

I looked through the window and saw their mom on the backyard, I got into Anne's room, everything was tidy, I opened the drawers, looked under the bed, nothing, no clue of where she was. On the wall, a big change, my photos were not there anymore.  
>I got into Matt's room, it was tidy too,<em> that<em> was a miracle.  
>And then I saw on the clean table, no empty glasses, no dirty socks, but an envelope with Anne's writing on it.<br>Privacy invasion? Screw it. Matt didn't deserve my respect.  
>I quickly searched on the letter the name of the place she was, but I found a phrase that made me want to read everything.<p>

"Matt, there's something I really want you to know, when you get out of there (and it's gonna be fast, I know) we needed to talk, I can't hide this from you anymore. I love you very much."

She was in Brazil, and I was going there.

On the letter I found the number of Anne's producer in Brazil, I wrote it down, it could be useful. I ran home and got the number of all airlines that I found and called them, looking for a flight to Brazil. Everything was booked though, there was only one ticket but it was only in 3 days, in the middle of the night and with connection in Mexico, but there was nothing better. I'd drive if I could get there faster, but it was impossible. Why she had to go this far?

I lay down, I was exhausted, and thanked God that I was gonna sleep on my own bed and not on a jail floor. It was unbelievable to think about everything that happened, it felt like a scary movie... and then I thought about Matt, who was at that very same moment lying down on that hard floor… I still couldn't believe how stupid he had been, but he acted like a child, I knew he meant no harm, on the opposite, actually… I guess he had suffered enough, and then his mom's face came to my mind... I was gonna fix that, but only tomorrow... My eyes were already closing, I looked at the nightstand, the last thing I saw before falling asleep was a picture of Anne and me, in the frame… 

I woke up early the next morning to make arrangements for my trip. Andrew asked me where I was going, I had to lie, said I was going to NY to visit a label. Then, I went to the police station and bailed Matt out. I didn't feel like talking to him, so I left without seeing him. I got home in the evening and went straight to the shower. When I left, I heard Andrew's voice yelling from downstairs.

"Dave, are you in the shower yet? Matt is here!"

I yelled back that he could come up. He leaned against the doorframe, his head low. I realized I was not mad at him anymore.

"Don't be a fool Matt, come on in!"

He did, sat on the bed and stared at the window.

"Thanks for bailing me out. I couldn't stay there anymore... "

I sat on the chair facing him.

"I guess you suffered enough."

"Yeah, I was almost catching a cold sleeping on that floor... and there was a guy next cell that looked suspicious... "

I laughed and so did he.

"David, I..."

I interrupted him.

"Forget it, Matt. I know you meant no harm. It's gonna take a while to forget, but it's fine... we're ok…."

"And what's gonna happen now?"

"Well... I'm going after Anne in Brazil."

"How do you know..."

"...she's in Brazil? I read the letter she left you. Is there a problem?"

He giggled.

"No, not at all... I guess I can't complain about much..."

"That's true. I'm going after her in 2 days and let's see what happen."

"Good luck, Dave."

I felt he was being honest.

Next day dragged on, I packed and almost went to the airport to wait for the next day. Matt was very excited about me going after Anne and was hoping we could work things out, he was definitely trying to make up for all the crap he had done… he even said he was planning some stuff, but didn't want to tell me what. I wasn't thinking about much things either, just my meeting with Anne.


	29. Away From Home

**Away from home**

I didn't even sleep, the flight was at 4:30 am, Andrew drove me to the airport but I didn't let him wait with me, so he wouldn't find out I wasn't going to NY. I was praying for the flight to be on time, I was lucky, there was only 10 minutes of delay. I fell asleep and only woke up when we were landing in México. After that I couldn't sleep anymore, I got my notebook in my bag and started scribbling. I was thinking about her the whole time, and with that inspiration, I wrote. I knew that what I had written would become a song. I couldn't wait to sing to her... When I finished it, I tore the sheet out, folded it and put it into my bag.

I forced myself to get some sleep and woke up when we were landing in São Paulo. I got my luggage and stopped in the middle of the lobby. I realized I had no idea where Anne was. And as far as I remembered about geography, São Paulo was not exactly a small city. I was almost calling Matt to ask for help when I remembered I had the producer's number, on my cell. I knew it would be useful. I called there, and it tooka while for me to find someone who could speak at least a little english. The woman gave me the address where the shooting was happening, and after a lot of struggle, I wrote it down, I hope it was right.

I left the airport and went looking for a cab. I gave the address to the cabdriver praying that it existed, that I hadn't written it wrong. It was right, at least he knew it. Luckly, the cabdriver spoke a little english, so I wasn't totally lost. He told me about some hotels close the locations where I could stay in, I asked him to leave me in one of those, checked in, went to the bedroom, left my luggage there and went after Anne, the driver had taught me how to get there, it was close. It was a big park, it took me a while to find the crew. I was looking forward to see Anne, to clear things up, she was definitely thinking I was the worst person in the world, she had to know the truth…  
>While I was thinking about all of that, I saw her. She was shooting something, turned the camera in my direction and froze. I walked towards her, I barely felt my legs… She was holding the camera with her eyes widened, staring at me. When I got to her, I grabbed the camera, she looked down.<p>

"Anne... can we talk in private? "

She couldn't even answer. When she did, she used a trembling and rude voice. She still wasn't looking at me.

"Can't you see that I'm working here?"

My face was catching on fire, now that I was face to face with her, I lost my guts... But I tried to be firm.

"Anne, I came all this way to tell you exactly everything that happened, you have to listen to me!"

I touched her arm, she backed down as if she had received a shock. Her eyes were getting red.

"David, leave me alone please, this is a working enviroment, can you respect that?"

I wasn't giving up.

"Anne, I'm gonna beg for your attention, even if I have to scream here, s everybody can hear…"

She tried to ignore me, turned the camera back on and kept filming, there were a lot o people, crew, extras, it was a mess. But I could see her shaking hands. And as far as I knew, there was no earthquake in Brazil, the video wouldn't be too realistic... and then she gave up.

"Let's get out of here."

She was getting her things, and I followed her.

"Where are we going?"

I decided to use "we" instead of "you" to make clear that I wasn't giving up. But she didn't give in.

"We? WE are not going anywhere David, you made all of this and you think you can just show up here, make me lose focus, apologize and I'm gonna accept as usual, do you think it's easy for me to see my brother in that jail? Matt is a kid, he doesn't know anything, and I'm sure that as myself, he always trusted you…

My voice failed again...

"Anne, listen to me..."

She went on.

"No David, you listen. Drugs? Do you have any idea how serious this is? We grew up together, and I had never seen you with these things… after this damn show you turned into somebody else… and I just won't accept that you take my brother with you in this…."

She was still thinking Matt was an angel. I walked faster, grabbed her arm and made her face me.

"Listen to me..."

She pushed me and tears rolled down her face...

"Let go of me! What do you want, David? You already hurt me enough, I made mistakes with you too, but Matt was always your loyal friend, he was always by your side, I won't admit that you do any harm to him…. How could you let your label bail you out of jail and leave Matt there? Did your producers grow up with you? Did your producers support you when you were nobody?"

My eyes filled with tears too. I lost all the courage, I couldn't accuse Matt, tell her the whole truth. Inspite of erverything it's her brother, I know how much she loves him and how much she would suffer for knowing the truth. I'd rather she was mad at me for now, and if he wanted, he could tell her the truth. It didn't matter anymore. She didn't believe me.

"Well Anne, I can see you're more disppointed with me than I imagined, I actually hoped you would believe me, but I came here to tell you two things, one of them is that I'm innocent, and I'm gonna prove this to you somehow, I just don't know how… not yet…"

I tried to wipe the tears, but they kept coming. I took a deep breath and went on…

"And the last thing, I got rid of that clause... actually I don't even have the contract anymore, and I got rid of Kim too... she also didn't trust me…"

She was trying to stop crying.

"While you don't confess, nobody will trust you..."

I felt disappointed, she didn't believe me anymore, as hard as I tried to convince her I was innocent. All of the sudden this trip, all this effort didn't make sense anymore. Even so, I held her, she didn't hold me back. When I let go of her, I stared at her.

"You'll understand someday..."


	30. Homecoming

**Homecoming**

And I left.

I went to the hotel and lay on the bed. Why did I do all of this? I was a coward, as usual, for not telling her everything, but I couldn't do that to Matt... She should have believed me, believed I was innocent, without needing any evidence.

I got the phone. I wanted to leave, I couldn't stay here much longer, this trip was a waste of time…. I called the airline, luckly there was a flight to Chicago in 5 hours. That was the one, then I would find a way to go to Tulsa, it was not that far…. I tried to wait, watch some TV, but I was very anxious, I got my bags, checked-out and got the first cab that I found. I only said "international airport", I couldn't even remember the name… I looked at the city, didn't feel like talking. I felt bad for only staying in Brazil for a few hours, it seemed a lovely country. And Sao Paulo kind of reminded me of New York, which I always loved… maybe I could come back in another opportunity, for a concert maybe… If I ever had a contract again.

I got there too early, checked-in, and sat on a chair to wait. I heard my cell ringing, it was Matt. I didn't even say hello, he started talking.

"You met Anne, right? She just called me!"

Even though I was not angry with him anymore, I had to get that out of my chest.

"I did, but don't worry, I didn't tell her anything, she still thinks you're a perfect brother."

"Dave, why did you..."

I didn't let him finish.

"Look Matt, I don't wanna talk right now, I have a flight to catch in a few minutes…"

He interrupted me.

"But you're already coming back? You just got there!"

"I have nothing else to do here, now I'm just thinking how I'm gonna get from Chicago to Tulsa because that's the only flight I got. Bye, Matthew. "

I didn't even wait for him to answer. I called some airlines and found a flight to Tulsa 2 hours after I got to Chicago, and there were seats available. Problem solved.

Another 10 hours on a plane, at the same day wasn't a good Idea, my back hurt, I tried but only slept for a couple of hours. An eternity until Chicago, 2 hours of waiting and another hour on a plane later, I was in Tulsa, finally. It was morning already, I got another cab and went home. I slept until very late, it had been a while since I didn't sleep well. When I woke up, I took a shower and went to Matt's. Their mom answered.

"Hi, Ellen... is Matt there?"

"Hi David... thank you for bailing him out, but you didn't have to, we were gonna do something... but Matt isn't here."

"It's no big deal... he's not here? But he'll be back soon?"

"I don't know, Dave... he went to Brazil today, after Anne..."

What?

"What do you mean? Why did he go after her?"

"I don't know very well, he said he wanted to talk to her, but didn't tell me what about…"

I went back home, shocked. There was only one thing Matt could do in Brazil. Well, it was the least he could do, try to fix what he did. Maybe Anne would believe him now… but even if she does, she didn't believe me, and that wouldn't change…


	31. Showdown

**Showdown**

I spent the next days going after labels, I had to do something, I had a CD to release.. Some of them gave me a little hope, now I had to wait for a contact.  
>After 5 days doing that, I got home exhausted. I sat on the bed and got my back pack to look for some numbers of labels I had got. I got a folded paper in there, I didn't know what it was. When I opened it, I remembered. It was what I had written to Anne. I felt like crumpling the paper and throw it away, but instead, I got my guitar and spent almost 2 hours trying to make a melody. When I did it, I saw it wasn't worth it, I crumpled the paper and threw in the back pack again.<p>

I looked inside it, and saw the Friends DVDs I had bought Anne a while ago. I thought about giving it to her in Sao Paulo, but there wasn't time…. I threw it inside again, didn't know what I was gonna do with that…

Next day, I continued my search for a label. In the middle of the afternoon, my cell rang. On the screen, "Sis". I considered not answering it, I stared at the screed, took a while to decide, but then I answered.

"Say it, Anne."

I felt her hesitation.

"Hi, Dave... I called because I wanted to talk to you… can you come over?"

So, she was back.

"Oh, so you're back from Brazil?"

"Yeah... today... can you come?"

I was going to say it wouldn't be possible, that I was busy, that I didn't give a damn about what she had found out…

"Okay, I'll stop by before I go home."

And I hang up.

I went back home much later, I almost went straight home, but I stopped by Anne's. I rang the doorbell, she opened the door and I got in with my head low, didn't wanna look at her. I decided to be ironic. I asked if she wanted to accuse me of being a bad influence. She took a deep breath, said Matt had told everything and she knew I was innocent. I wasn't gonna let her go with it.

"I'm glad he did, it was the least he could do... I hope you believed him, at least."

"Why are you using this tone, David?"

Like she didn't know.

"Don't be ironic, Anne! You treated me as if I was a drug dealer, with no chance to defend myself! I thought, for all those years of friendship, that I could count on you, but I was wrong…"

She took another deep breath…

"You didn't even give me a chance to beileve in you, David. What did you want me to think? You show up with drugs, out of nowhere, and doesn't give a reasonable explanation! You went all the way to Brazil after me and didn't say anything, I wanna know from you, why?"

Ok, here we go...

"Why? Did you gave me a chance to explain what happened? You threw in my face that I was a bad influence to your brother! Holy Matt, he didn't do anything wront, poor guy! I lost the courage because I knew you'd be mad at him, and despite of everything, he is your brother, I didn't want that… I thought it was better if he told you when he had the chance and if he wanted to, beucase then you wouldn't acuse me of making things up, he'd be the one to tell you everything… At least now you believe it? Or do you think Matt made all this up to cover up for me?"

She looked down, and whispered...

"Of course I believe you..."

I'm not moved.

"That's good to hear. I'm afraid it's a bit too late, though."

She stared at me.

I stared at him.

"What do you mean, David?"

I was decided.

"You didn't believe me. I can't let this go. I was a mess in this cell, dirty, my body was hurt, I could barely stand up… and I felt as if you were stepping on my stomach, you looked at me as if I was an outlaw, you didn't even bother asking if I was guilty or not… I can't let it go that easily… I'm sorry Anne, but I need to take a break… from you."

I saw tears rolling down her face, and she didn't say anything. I tried to stay cool. Actually, I decided to humiliate her a little bit more. At that moment, she deserved. I got my back pack, took out the DVDs and threw them on the table.

"I had bought this for you. I always knew you loved it, I thought you'd like to have it, I was going to give you this in Sao Paulo. But I didn't have the chance… do whatever you want with this."

I got my pack from the floor to make a dramatic exit, but the damn pack was opened and everything fell off. Awesome, David. I quickly got everything and left without looking at her.


	32. Avalanche

**Avalanche**

Next day, Matt came over.

"Dave, I..."

"Matt, I know you went to Brazil to tell Anne the truth."

"Yeah, she was shocked with everything… Have you talked? Is everything okay?"

"Yes... and no. Things are a little difficult for us but I don't want to talk about it..."

"Ok Dave... but I came here to talk about something else, are you free for the next days?"

"While I don't have a contract I am, why?"

"Remember I told you I was planning some stuff? So..."

"What are you up to, Matt?"

"Nothing much... just some stuff forAnne, you and me..."

"Matt, i don't know, Anne and I are not in the best terms..."

"But that will cheer you up, I'm sure!"

I was afraid of Matt's plans.

He left with Andrew to do I don't know what, and I took a nap, when I woke up it was evening, and I sat by the window to get some air, it was a hot day. I heard Anne's voice at the door.

"Dave, what song is this?"

She was holding a crumpled paper. I got it from her hand and read it. It was the song I had written to her! Where did she get this?

"Where did you find this?"

"On the floor of my living room, you left it there when you dropped your opened back pack… what song is this?"

Nice one, David. You try to be tough and she finds your weak spot on the floor. You could have thrown this shit away when you had the chance, but no. Now, deal with it. I tried to shrug.

"It's a song that I wrote! Why, is it forbidden? You're the only song writter around here by chance?"

She got the guitar and gave it to me.

"Sing it to me."

Fuck.

Anne, I don't feel like singing now... I'll do it some other time...

She insisted.

"Oh, you are singing it. I have all day long."

She crossed her arms. Ok, no way to get out of this… Why the hell did I keep that fucking paper? I started playing but I couldn't stare at her, I was looking at the guitar…

When I finished it, I looked at the window again.

"Who did you write this song to, Dave?"

She wanted me to admit it, she knew the song was for her, but I wouldn't admit it that easily. I didn't move.

"Was it for me?"

Ok, time to be tough. I got up and faced her.

"And why do you care? In fact, I don't even know why you're here… I told you I want a break from you, you didn't believe me when I said I had nothing to do with the drugs thing, You didn't trust me!"

She wasn't intimidated.

"You are so unfair, David. You must have a little memory problem... You want me to remind you when you did the same thing to me?"

WAIT! What?

"Gee David, it's like you forgot that YOU didn't believe me when I told you your beautiful and perfect girlfriend Kim was hitting on my brother! How come you don't remember, you were standing right there, by this same window! You didn't even want to hear me, you chose to believe some cheap girl you had just met rather than believe me, who knows you since forever! You had to see a tape, you had to have the truth rubbed in your face to see it was true! Now tell me, who didn't believe who first? You really think you have the right to judge me? Think about it..."

Man... Take this, David... how come I didn't remember this? I was unfair with her way before, she was right… I did the exact same thing with her first, I didn't believe when she told me the truth, I needed evidences… How did I not remember this? ASSHOLE! You're not that tough now... Say something now! I couldn't speak, I couldn't look at her, I was staring at the floor, mentally trying to dig a hole so I could jump inside and disappear… No such luck. After what seemed 2 hours, but it was actually 5 minutes, I finally admitted it.

"Of course the song is for you... who else would it be for?"

I thought she was gonna laugh at my face for being so cynical, but instead she came towards me, I felt her hands on my face, she made me look at her and kissed me.


	33. Matt's plan, the comeback

**Matt's plan, the comeback**

When I felt her lips on mine, all the frustration, all the anger I might still be feeling for her disappeared, I wanted her, I missed her, I hadn't felt that scent in so long... I was still holding my guitar, I stopped the kiss, put the guitar down and looked at her. I took a deep b reath and pulled her back to me. I was feeling light, like I hadn't felt in ages, and happy… I almost forgot that feeling. And we both knew nothing had to be said, everything was on that kiss, that was much more sincere that a thousand words. We were fine.

And suddenly she was in a hurry and stopped the kiss.

"Dave, I'm sorry, I have to go..."

"What do you mean Anne? Why? Are you regretting?"

That's just what I needed...

"No Dave, it's not that, I need to take care of something, it's really important! Do you wait for me?"

I smiled and let go of her.

"Always." 

Anne didn't show up anymore that day. A while later, Matt came over.

"Dave, you won't believe what I'm planning! Tell me you're free for the next days!

"Why, Matt?"

"Because you, Anne and I are going to Hawaii! –

What?

"What are you talking about? When? How? What money?"

He was impatient.

"When: if everything works out, tomorrow. How: by plane. Money: if you don't remember, I didn't pay the guys who were supposed to find the drug with Kim. So, I have some money and decided to make up with both of you."

Matt surprises me more each day.

"And what does Anne thinks about that?"

"She doesn't know yet."

Surprise, han? Thinking about it, a trip to Hawaii with Anne wouldn't be so bad...

"Well, since you insist... let's go!"

I went to the Travel agency with Matt and everything was set, we were really going tomorrow. I couldn't wait to see Anne's face when she found out. We'd have to come back the next day for the tickets.

I couldn't sleep at night, I packed and lay down on the bed, wondering how would it be, Anne and I in Hawaii… It would be perfect, it had to be, a lot of trips had gone wrong, this one had to be right.

I woke up early and went to the agency with Matt. We got the tickets and everythings else needed and went back home. On the way, we passed by a surf shop and we giggled. We left the shop with two flowery shirts.

We got to Matt's laughing and speaking loud, imagining how the trip would be. We put on our shirts and ran to Anne's room, she was still sleeping. We got in still laughing, she was sitting on the bed looking like a zombie. We jumped on her bed and she hid under the blanket. I looked at Matt and laughed. We pulled the blanket.

"Anneeee we are going to Hawaii!"

I put one arm around her and hold her hand with my free one to get her up

"Calm down! Are you crazy? Drunk? It's still morning time, come on!"

I forgot she was not a morning person. I tried my best dirty look.

"Gee, Sis! What a bad-mood!"

She smiled.

"Ok, so let me know, where is the costume party? Or should I say tacky party?"

Matt decided to be cynical.

"Your mood-killer. We are serious, we are going to Hawaii!"

She started laughing.

"Ok, have a good trip. Literally!"

I decided to be cynical too, got up from the bed and tried my best angry face. I was getting good at it, actually.

"Let it go, Matt, let's find somebody to give the third..."

Matt finished the sentence.

"Ticket!"

He got the ticket out of his pocket and started to dance. I was embarrassed for him. But I continued the acting.

"I have an idea. Let's take Andrew? Or Lara? Or Paula Abdul?"

She surrendered.

"Ok, you win, when is our departure?"

Matt answered.

"In 5 hours."

... 

On the plane, we were very excited, it had been a while since the 3 of us didn't do something together. We really missed... us.

But I eventually fell asleep, I was very tired. When I woke up, I saw Anne looking through the window. She faced me, the dirty thoughts came back. I looked at Matt, to be sure he wouldn't interrupt. He was drooling. I got close to Anne and whispered in her ear...

"Kiss me..."

She whispered back...

"Are you crazy?"

"What? He knows everything, we don't have to hide anymore..."

"I don't know, Dave, I'm still... afraid, or maybe embarassed of doing this in front of him."

"He's drooling, snoring, he's not even gonna notice it, just a little kiss…"

She kissed me but I could tell she was a little tense, I knew it was because of Matt. We'd have to do something about it, once and for all.


	34. Trip

**Trip**

Hotel was really cool, the minute we got into the room Matt and I went jumping on the beds to see if they were really good. I must confess, I had second intentions when I tested the bed. Matt got 3 beers in the mini-bar and we made our fisrt toast in the balcony...

"To us... always."

We'd share the room, what made me feel excited, I'd love to see Anne in her pajamas.  
>Beer was not refreshing enough, I went after Matt and jumped in the pool, the water was amazing, but it could be even better if Anne was there... wearing a bikini.<br>But she decided to be organized in Hawaii, she was hanging the clothes in the closet, which made me go there and get her, with the moral support of lazy Matt, who didn't want to help me.

We went for a walk on the beach, and during our way, we were making jokes, but there was a tension between us, nobody wanted to bring the subject up.  
>I didn't want Matt to feel inconvenient, I guess he had been enough when he set up all that crap, but now we needed to clarify to him how things were, and how they would be from now on.<p>

Matt started:

"So... what a ride."

Tell me about it.

"I know... I mean, so many things happened these last months, right? I won AI, recorded a CD, Anne turned 21, almost got married, we got arrested (he said that bit staring at Matt), and… I fell madly I love."

I couldn't believe I admitted it in front of them, if she didn't say anything, I'd be very embarassed.

"So did I."

Relieved.

"With Kyle?"

He had to ruin it...

"Of course not... that was... I don't know what that was. But I guess you know who I'm talking about, you know him very well, and so do I, but I never thought I could feel something something so different for him…"

I must have blushed, I guess she was talking about me...

"This person grew up with me, my friend, almost like a brother, became the man of my dreams..."

Definitely me.

And then Matt asked the question I always wanted to ask...

"What moment did this happen?"

In the garage? Not exactly... I wouldn't know how to answer that, but I took a chance…

"When the feeling was born I'm not sure, love always existed, fraternal love..."

Anne interrupted me...

"That song..."

Matt didn't know about the song...

"What song?"

"I wrote a song, but I didn't know who I had wrote to... but when I sang to him, I was sure..."

That was it. The moment of truth...

"Sure about what you were feeling?"

Come on Anne, don't let me down…

"Sure about what I've always felt."

I was happy to hear her saying that, I wish I could admit it too, but we both knew it was hard to creat a division line, we've always been together, and now there was a sexual tension between us, but Matt apparently knew the answer...

"I think I know where it all began."

Did he know about the garage?

"Where?"

"When we were kids and you "got married" in the backyard."

Relieved again.

We met some guys, we decided to hang out with them, Matt got closer to a girl, she was kinda cute, I was proud, it was about time that Matt would get a girl without my help, and then I decided to enjoy the night with "my girl".

"I'd love to look at this sky, lying next to you..."

After those days in prison, I had to kill the longing of her…

"If I lie down here, my hair will be full of sand."

Anne, don't kid me, this is serious business...

She got the key and we went back to the hotel in silence, I was wondering what we'd in that pool, or in the tub, on the bed, my hands were sweating already...  
>We got into the room, she ducked in front of me, I was about to grab her and take her clothes off, but I just took my shoes off instead, she grabbed my hand and took me outside, we sat on the edge of the pool. She insisted:<p>

"So, you didn't answer my question... to you, when did it all start?"

That was a good question, I didn't know how to answer, but looking at that beautiful place, I couldn't picture another person next to me...

"Anne, I don't know exactly when it started but I know I don't want it to end."

Those romantic lines used to make me blush, and Anne too, I was even hotter, I wanted to have her in that pool, and this time… without her bikini.

"Are you hot?"

The answer had to be yes, but apparently she didn't want to answer, she'd rather stare at me, so I had to do something, I took my shirt and shorts off and jumped in the pool.

I had forgotten I was wearing white underwear, and it got transparent because of the water, so the size of my "excitement" was pretty clear.

Anne was beautiful seating on the edge of the pool, but it was taking so long for her to get wet with me, I tried to splash water on her, but I decided to do better. I loved her feet, I took them off the water and kissed them, still staring at her, and she showed her first sign of desire by running her hands through my hair.  
>Night was gonna be good, I couldn't wait much longer, it would be impossible for her to refuse my invitation...<p>

"Coming?"


	35. Mark

**Mark**

She took off her dress, and I was in charge of the rest.

"Let me take care of this for you..."

I took off her bra and could feel her hot breast against my cold one, I kissed her neck, her belly, her legs were on my hands and I finally took her panties off, I could be there for hours just kissing her, but all the time I had spent away from her made me wanna have her closer to me, I pulled her, she took my underwear off and I carried her to the step of the pool, I wanted to see her body in the moonlight, and asked her to look at the stars.

I grabbed her waist and slid into her, her body was shaking, but I was not in a hurry anymore... but if I couldn't stay there much longer, so I suggested her to be on top of me.

"Now it's my turn to see stars..."

She sat on me and drove me crazy, controlling the speed when she felt I was almost there... But at some point, I surrendered.

We stayed in the pool hugging and staring at each other, not even the water made me cold.

We lay down on a hammock and Anne fell asleep in my arms, I looked at her for a while, enjoying her peaceful sleep, his wet hair was on my chest, her legs were between mine and her arms holding my waist, I considered waking her up to start again, but Matt may arrive any moment, and I ended up sleeping too. 

Matt was out all night long with the girl from the beach, and brought her along for breakfast. Her name was Rachel, I could find many ways to describe her, but I could only think of one: chatterbox.

She joined Anne and they talked about everything, from their favorite nail polish color, until the American financial crisis.

Meanwhile, Matt was telling me about all the "positions" he tried last night. 

Later, we joined her and her friends and went to the Pipeline Cafe, it was huge, there were a lot of good drinks, it was good to be on the other side of the bar, drinking them.  
>Rachel's friends were cool, Matt and I had fun with them, while we tried a lot of drinks made by real bartenders...<br>Anne was talking to the girls, I couldn't take my eyes of her

I only got distracted when one of the guys challenged his friend...

"I dare you to do it! "

The other one replied laughing...

"Of course I will! Wanna bet?"

I didn't know what they were talking about, the music was loud, I was getting drunk, but we left the bar so the guy could meet the challenge.

We finally got to a tattoo Studio, would that be the challenge?

I looked at Anne, she didn't know what was going on either, but I found that funny.. we got in and they decided to tattoo the same symbol, to celebrate graduation, and in their words…

"The beggining of a new era."

While we were waiting, I thought I already had a few tattoos symbolizing important moments and people in my life, but I had nothing to symbolize them yet...

"So, what are we getting?"

They had the same surprise look.

"Our what?"

Our pizza. What else could we get on a tattoo Studio?

"Out tattoo! We are also starting a new era..."

Matt answered...

"Come on David, it's not really the beginning of a new era, our friendship always existed, it's eternal…"

It made sense, our bond was eternal... Anne finished:

"It's permanent."

That was it.

We decided to get it on our back, I had no tattoos in that region, Matt went first, then me, and Anne was last, she seemed nervous, I knew it hurt, but I calmed her down by telling it didn't hurt…

Tattoo was awesome, we photographed it and left the studio.

I looked across the street, the beach was empty, I took Anne's hand.

"Hey Matt, if you don't mind I'm gonna watch the sunrise with Anne… and you can enjoy the hotel pool..."

I asked her to jump on my back, I loved doing that with her when we were younger, but she had definitely grown or I wasn't that strong anymore, so when we got to the sand, we fell.

We could see the sunrise from there, so she rested on my chest and started opening my shirt, I loved when she took the initiative, and her soft voice whispered in my ear...

"You know, this trip is being so funny to me..."

"To me too, it's easier to forget what happened, away from everything…"

I was getting chills when she ran her fingers through my belly.

"And besides, here I did one of the things I always wanted to do and never had the guts…"

Sex in the pool? But I had to confirm…

"What?"

"The tattoo..."

Wrong. But taking the opportunity, I always wanted to do it on the beach...

"So I guess we could do something I always wanted to do, but never had the guts…"

I got up, thinking that I actually did have the guts, but had never been at the beach with a girl worth taking the risk. But Anne always liked the adventures, I took her behind the rocks, the sun was rising but there was still time, I looked around, everything was empty, so I pulled her and turned her back to me, pushed her hair aside... I gave it a second thought... but I had to ask, I hope she didn't misunderstand... well, if she did was even better.

With a bite on her neck, I asked...

"Lean yourself on the rock..."

She did so, but I wanted her naked, so I grabbed her from behind, took her clothes off, and dropped them on the sand, held her against my body while I took off mine... Our bodies were finally touching, she was driving me crazy, I touched her until I felt her legs softening.

I leaned on the rock and picked her up, she put her legs around my body and I was inside her, her body hot as always. She was kissing me but I couldn't hold it for long, I stopped the kiss, took a deep breath, and while holding her, one of my biggest wishes had finally come true.


	36. Wasted

**Wasted**

And days passed by, Anne and I always spend all night long talking or doing something else. Meanwhile, Matt was making out with Rachel around the hotel. Good boy! I taught him.  
>Anne said she was kind of jealous, but we both had already suffered enough because of jealousy, and I convinced her that a distracted and happy Matt was better, because he wouldn't be in our way. Almost.<br>Our last day was hotter than the others, Matt and I spent the day out with the guys buying things for the last luau, and the girls, of course, stayed on the rooms getting ready. 

And finally our last day in Hawaii had started. I was wearing white jeans and a basic blue shirt, and I had a little discussion with Anne before leaving the hotel because she insisted on wearing a really short skirt. I know we were on the beach, but there were a lot of unknown guys, and I knew what they wanted. But she refused to change, and I didn't insist, so things wouldn't be tense.  
>We got to the beach, it was full, people were excited, and our mission was: having fun. Rachel's friends were on the same vibe as Matt and I, we started with tequila doses, but I guess heat was stronger than alcohol, so we moved to bottles of tropical cocktail. On the second one, my eyes were getting heavy, it was one of the first symptoms, and that was good. I needed a few more bottles.<p>

A guy asked me to play something on the guitar, so we sat around the bonfire. While I was trying to remember if I was left or right-handed, Anne told me she was going for a walk with Rachel, and I don't remember what I replied, but I wished they hadn't gone looking for a good looking hawaiian guy. So I started playing, and I don't know wether I was playing bad or people were singing wrong, but we had to stop in the middle of every song to laugh.

Third bottle, I give up on the guitar. Fourth bottle, Matt and I started dancing. Fifth, I wasn't feeling the sand below my feet anymore, my shirt was opened and one of the guys convinced me to go jump on the sea, from the rocks.

I couldn't remember exactly, but I think we went to the other side of the beach, and on the way I must have fallen about 4 times. They knew the place, and when we got there, I lost the guts. It was too high, and I couldn't swim at the moment. But actually, cold water would do me good. But I'd rather sit and watch them jump, it was very funny.

When Matt did it, something happened to me, my heart was racing, my head was hurting, I couldn't breath for a few moments, I guess I was afraid he might get hurt, but when he showed up wet and laughing behind me the feeling continued, so I thought about Anne.  
>I didn't know how long we had beed there, I was anxious to leave, but I was still very drunk, I couldn't even walk, but I remember asking Matt to get us out of there, because the girls may be looking for us.<p>

It was hard to go back, my head was hurting a lot. I was leaning on Matt, and I had the impression there was a guy bringing a girl in his arms further away.  
>That's just what I needed. I was hallucinating.<p>

"You see that Matt?"

"See what, Bro?"

"A guy bringing a girl..."

"It's a mermaid, he just rescued it..."

He was worst than me.

We got closer to the bonfire, it looked the same at least, and there was a lot of people gathered around something, or someone... Matt asked me, as if I knew the answer...

"Gee man, what's going on?"

How will I know?

"I don't know, but you girlfriend is there..."

He yelled, making everybody look at him.

"What's up Rach? Fight?"

People spread and I couldn't hear anything because a guy was playing his guitar, but she answered, angry...

"Where the fuck were you, jerks?"

WOW! Just because I was a little drunk, my clothes were dirty and I was wearing a lei, that doesn't mean she can call me a jerk… but the rest of the sentence made me shiver…

"It's Anne, can't you see it? She's hurt!"

Matt dropped me on the sand. Hurt? Who did it? I wanted to throw up. I asked or a guy to help me get up, and I only heard the end of Rachel's explanation.

"...and the guy was already carrying her…"

Guy? What? Where were they? I was seeing red, I wanted to know who was the guy, so he could explain what the fuck was he doing with her…

"What guy?"

Apparently, Rachel didn't want to tell me the truth.

"I don't know him!"

I looked at Anne, her head was on Rachel's lap and I went mad.

"What guy Rachel, show me him!"

But the guy himself answered the question, and I turned around to face him, he was thinking he was Super Man...

"What were you doing with her, jackass?"

"Who are you?"

"It doesn't matter, answer my question!"

"If you care so much about her, you should have been by her side when a group of jerks like yourself were trying to take her clothes off..."

He could only be joking, that wasn't happening, this guy was at least trying to make out with her somewhere, I didn't think twice, I punched him on the face, Matt got into the fight too, and soon there was chaos, I must have kicked and punched some other people, and from that mess I looked back and saw Rachel taking Anne away.  
>I wanted to run and talk to her, but first I wanted to kick his ass.<p>

But I couldn't, he was much taller than me and was sober, I guess he didn't want to continue the fight because he knew he was gonna hurt me, but before leaving, he grabbed my shirt and said...

"If you really care about her, you shouldn't be here you big baby..."

I didn't want to admit it but it made sense, and even though I was feeling bad, I couldn't blame on the alcohol. I was mature enough to know I had the wrong attitude, I should have worried about her first, not just fought with a guy to prove my masculinity… I looked at Matt, he was still fighting with a guy...

"Matt, let's go! I need to talk to Anne, I'm an idiot, I didn't even ask if she was okay, I need a shower, I'm not feeling good yet!"

I guess I stopped a few times on the way, my stomach was sick, Matt wouldn't stop talking about the fight that I was trying to forget, we found Rachel close to the hotel, she was running, Matt grabbed her.

"Where are you going?"

She took a deep breath and answered.

"After you guys! Anne asked me to... Where were you? Why took you so long?"

She just wouldn't stop talking, I had to interrupt.

"Rachel, explain to me what happened…"

I was afraid to know the truth.

"Oh David, Anne didn't say much, but I went back to the party to get more drinks, and apparently meanwhile a group of locals showed up and tried to… you know…"

I'm glad she didn't say the word, I didn't want to hear.

"What about that guy, why was he there?"

She was sharp.

"Because you weren't."


	37. Shock

**Shock**

I ignored her, she might be right but she didn't have anything to do with my life. Not at that moment, I had a big problem to solve, I had to apologize to Anne, check if she was ok, so I left both of them and ran to the hotel.

I guess I was so nervous that I felt sober again, at least my mind was clearer, I felt my heart racing with fear, I wanted to see how Anne was, I didn't know what to say to her, to try to make her understand and forgive me…  
>I took a deep breath, knocked but nobody answered, I thought she was in the shower, I went downstairs to get another key, but Matt and Rachel arrived, and they were arguing.<p>

"Matt just give me the key, Anne didn't open the door."

I ran back there, opened the door and she wasn't there. I checked the bathroom, the balcony, the pool, nothing. I thought she might had left for some fresh air, but her luggage was gone. I was desperate, and went after Rachel.

"Rachel, where is Anne, she's not here!"

"She is there, she took a shower and asked me to go get you!"

Apparently she didn't know anything either, Matt got into the room to check, and the recepcionist confirmed what I already suspected: she was gone.

I was pissed off. She was spoiled, she left withouth giving me a chance to explain, and what the fuck I had to explain?  
>It wasn't my fault.<p>

I went back to the room and told Matt to pack, that we had to go too, even though I was angry, I was worried about her.

Matt took forever to pack, and to say goodbye to Rachel, when we got to the airport the plane had just taken off.

We were dirty, smelly, and my head was hurting a lot. We had to sleep on the chairs and wait for the next flight, that would take ours to leave.

The flight back was unberable. Matt fell asleep, I had to drink a lot of water but my mouth was still dry and I couldn't stop thinking about what had happened.  
>Anne's attitude irritated me, why did she always escape from the problems instead of facing them?<br>How long would I have to make an effort to understand her actions? I checked my cell to see what time was it, and the picture on the background made me sigh.

Why did she have that effect on me? I couldn't be mad at her for more than 10 seconds. I started wondering what she might have been trough with the guys while I was drinking, I couldn't even imagine someone touching her, and I felt guilty.  
>But I was going to do something, when I got home I'd do wherever it took for her to forgive me.<p>

When we got to Tulsa I was more relieved and excited, I wanted to get home soon, take a shower (because if she saw me the way I was, she was going to get angrier), get under the blanket and wake her up, kiss her whole body and promise that would never happen again. I considered calling my brother to pick me up, but it was early and he was lazy, he could only be sleeping. So, Matt and I shared a cab, he was still sleepy but worried.

"Dave, do you think Anne is mad at us?"

"I don't know Matt, she must be, but we're gonna do something... I thought about taking her for lunch later, you can join us..."

"Lunch? I don't think I can eat anything today, those drinks are still doing some damage in my stomach, but you can buy me a Coke."

"Deal, but first I'm gonna apologize to her, in private..."

"Okay Okay, I don't need details... do whatever you have to do, if you succed it's easier for me."

We got home and took our bags from the cab, Matt went home to take a shower and so did I.

I noticed my mom was not at home, and Andrew had probably used my car, she definitely didn't know how to park, and I could see through the window that there were some cans of beer on the floor, but I didn't bother much, I had to go see Anne.  
>I dropped my bags in the living room and went upstairs, there were some things on the hallway floor, Andrew's shoes, my car key, and a girl's jacket. He was kidding me, right?<p>

But okay, how many times had I done that? A lot. And I was proud when he finally made out with someone. Of couse I was curious, I could just go and tell him I was home, so I could see if the girl was still there…

I opened the door and turned the light on.

That's my brother! There he was, holding the girl, I could't see her face but her hair was nice, similar to Anne's. Clothes were on the floor, similar to Anne's too.  
>I got closer to the bed.<p>

"Drew, I'm home!"

He let go of her and I could finally see her face.

My heart stopped.

Beside him, naked, there she was...

Anne.


	38. Betrayal

**Betrayal**

I could not believe what I was seeing, I was filled with anger, before thinking about anything, I yelled, in the hope I would wake up from that nightmare.

"What the fuck is this? What is going on here? Could somebody tell me?"

They didn't move. I felt my heart heavy just by looking at Anne on that situation… I screamed even louder…

"What de hell do you think you're doing? YOU WHORE! YOU HARLOT! Are you mad? What the fuck are you thinking?"

She finally woke up and when she saw me, her eyes widened. I wanted to strangle her. Andrew also woke up scared, fell out of the bed and I went towards him.

"I AM GOING TO KILL YOU, ANDREW!"

His eyes widened.

"David, calm down! Are you mad?"

I wish I was.

I was so out of my mind that I couldn't see anything anymore, but I felt her touching me, and I felt disgusted by the feeling of her dirty hands...

"Don't touch me... DON'T LOOK AT ME!"

I felt betrayed, humiliated, I had the worst thoughts at that moment, but nothing that I did would change that fact. Nothing would chance the assurance that she had no integrity, and I didn't deserve going through that.

"You know what... It's not even worth it."

I spoke to her, hoping it would be the last time I'd do so.

"I cannot believe you did this to me."

I had to run away from there, before I did something really stupid... I almost fell when I was going down the stairs, I considered getting in the car, but 2 things stopped me: I realized Anne maybe had been there with Andrew, and I was in no condition to drive, my heart was beating so fast I was breathless, my hands were trembling, before leaving I punched the door, but my hand didn't hurt, the pain in my chest overcame any other.

And then I ran, aimlessly, I couldn't the people passing by me, or cars, I just wanted a escape, I wanted to run away, hide, I wanted to hold back the tears.  
>Down the street, I found a refuge, unfortunately it reminded me of our childhood, but I had nowhere else to go, I couldn't run anymore, and I didn't want anybody to see me like that, so I got in.<p>

I didn't even had to make an effort to feel angry at her, that way would be easier to forget. I wiped the tears and promised myself I'd never cry for her anymore.  
>I had to get out of my head the idea that I had failed, after all, I may not have reached her expectations but I did my best, I changed a lot of things for her, I forgot and forgave a lot of things.<p>

She was always screwing things up, and she had my forgiveness for granted. But she crossed the line, and I wished with all my heart that I had the strength of never giving in anymore, and insist on a person that in one night had destroyed years of trust.

It was getting dark, and I didn't want to be there alone, so I left, feeling strangely relieved and decided.

I got home and there was nobody there, which was a good thing, I did not want to look at Andrew, I didn't know how innocent he was in that, I had no idea if he knew about us, because apparently Anne and him had a connection that i was unaware of.  
>I still needed a shower, so I got into the bathroom and took my shirt off, I was glad I had my tattoo on my back, so I didn't have to look at it, I leaned on the sink for a few minutes, facing the mirror. My eyes were red, I looked tired, I opened the tap and put my head under the cold water.<br>I faced the mirror again and said to myself again that I'd not let that bring me down, I was stronger than a relationship that never truly existed.

When I got out of the shower I heard a noise downstairs, I remembered my mom was at my grandma, so it could only be Andrew.  
>How awkward that situation could be? I couldn't even feel comfortable at my own house, and she had caused that.<br>I changed and decided to try writing a song, I had to distract myself and avoid the depressive thoughts that were tormenting me.  
>But of course, the day wouldn't end without a little more torture...<br>He entered the room.

"David, we need to talk."

Talk? No, that's something I definitely didn't need.

"I have nothing to talk to you."

"Yeah, but I do! Why are you mad at me, why did you act like that, did I do something I don't know?"

I got up and faced him. I was almost yelling.

"What did you do? You really don't know? Well, let's see... you had sex with Anne, that's what you did!"

"SO WHAT? We had sex, big deal! I don't understand why you're making such a big deal out of this! What's the problem, I'm a man, she's a woman, I'm single and as far as I know, she's single too! What's the matter?"

Anything, unless the fact that I had been doing the same thing for the past months believing there were feelings involved.

He stopped and took a breath.

"Look... I understand, she's your best friend, almost a sister to you, I understand you have a protective instinct but that's too much, it's not like she's your girlfriend or something, so you…"

But he didn't finish the sentence. He looked me in a strange way for a few seconds. Then, he lowered his head and started laughing. He took a while to talk, and I waited. He faced me.

"That's it, ins't it? Of course it is, how could I be so stupid not to realize sooner? It's obvious! You're in love with her! And of course she feels the same way, that explains her attitude when you saw us together… and probably was because of you she was upset when we went to the bar… everything makes sense now…"

I was still feeling very angry.

"Congratulations on figuring everything out, want a medal for that?"

"David, for the love of God! You REALLY think that if I knew what was going on between you two I'd sleep with her, I'd do this to you? What kind of brother do you think I am? You didn't tell me, how was I supposed to guess? I'm not saying it's entirely her fault, she was bad and didn't know what she was doing… Nobody is so guilty…"

He might be right, but I still couldn't feel less mad, the image of them together was still in my head... and I still had doubts...

"That was the first time this happened, Andrew?"

He said so, and I knew I could trust him.

"Fine Andrew, I can even understand, but still, I need some time, I'm very angry... I don't want to look at you, stay away from me, okay..."

And before leaving, I asked him to do something he should already have done...

"AND CLEAN UP MY CAR!"


	39. Starting Over

**Starting over**

He left the room and I was devastated, we had never had a serious fight before, he had always been my little brother, my partner, he always admired and listened to me when I gave him advices, even the worst ones.

My cell beeped, there were more than 6 missed calls from Matt, I didn't want to talk to him, but I was aware that he had nothing to do with the absurd that his sister did, so I called back.

"Hey Matt, you called?"

"Hey man, I'm still waiting for our lunch! I'm not even hangover anymore, but I guess it should be dinner now, huh? Have you apologized to Anne yet?"

Me? Apologize? I'd have to explain to him that she was the one who should apologize to me forever. But I didn't want to bring the subject up, and I decided it was better if she told him herself what happened.

"No, not yet..."

He went on.

"Yeah, she told me she spend the night at Lara's, and she got home kinda tired too..."

Lara's? So she had made up her own version of the story already, huh...

"Man, I'm not feeling very well, I don't think it's gonna happened tonight."

"Did you give up? What's up with you?"

"Nothing much, I had a discussion with my brother, some problems at home, but tomorrow I stop by so we can talk."

"Then I'm gonna tell Anne we're gonna eat here, I slept all day long and she didn't get out of the room..."

And also, tell her I want her to die.

"Okay Matt… take care."

... 

I was alone, and I was going to start over that way.  
>I was going to write songs, play, look for a studio, a label, I was good at that. I decided not to waste any more time moaning, I turn my computer on and started to send emails, updated my MySpace, Facebook, Twitter, etc, answered some messages from fans, kind words did me good, gave me courage to catch up for lost time.<p>

Music had always been my best company and it would give me strength to face anything.

It was hard to fall asleep, the image of Anne lying down next to my brother was in my mind, I made an effort to think about something positive, I saw myself traveling the world, making concerts... This has always been my dream, only know she was not part of it anymore.

Next day, I woke up with my cell ringing, it was Andy.

"What's up, dude? I got your email, decided to remember you have friends?"

I laughed, Andy used to play with me in the bars, ande ver since I won AI, I had only seen him a few times, but we got along well, and I tought he could help me, after all, I'd rather have a band to search for a label.

"Come on, I never forgot, but you know, everything is a mess, some crazy things happened, a broken heart, but I wanted to talk to you in person... can I drop by?"

"Of course, Dave! It's gonna be a honor to have a rockstar in my house!"

Little did he know.

I got my back pack and left, and bumped into Matt on the sidewalk.

"Hey Dave, I was going to call you, there's a lot of your belongings in my bag, you want to go get them?"

"Get there for me, please!"

"Get in here, I guess Anne's still sleeping, but I wanted to show you some songs I downladed."

If I suspected she was awake, I'd get out of there within seconds.

We got into his room, he turned the computer on and started playing the songs loudly, I couldn't even listen, but I pretended to enjoy it.

"Matt, I'm gonna get my stuff and leave, I'm supposed to meet Andy to solve some stuff!"

"Don't go yet, Rachel sent me some pictures from the trip, wanna see?"

No way.

"I'll see it some other time, I'm really going..."

"Okay then, come back here later, and tell family Skib I said hello!"

I left the room and had the vision I expected not to have for a long time.  
>Anne was standing in front of me, and if she was reasonable enough, she wouldn't say anything and would just get out of my way.<br>But she was not.  
>She had the guts to ask me:<p>

"D-dave... could we talk a little bit?"

The answer was simple: no.

"I have nothing..."

"PLEASE, David? Just a little bit..."

Her puffy and wet eyes didn't have any effect on me. She could cry, whine, do anything.  
>And of course she'd do that, but Matt was coming out of the room and I didn't want him to see that, I'd have to explain everything to him, so I just grabbed her arm and took her to her room.<p> 


	40. In Pieces

**In Pieces****  
><strong>  
>I just wanted to make sure Matt would go back to his room to get out of there. I crossed my arms and waited, for a moment I thought I was alone in there... but I remembered she was there too, giving me a pity look, that once more didn't effect me, I just felt like throwing up.<br>She was kinda expecting me to say something, so I made clear I didn't want to talk.

"I have nothing to talk to you Anne, I guess I saw enough."

She answered, and I was focusing on not hearing her voice, so I tried to listen to the song on the radio... .com/watch?v=Ho9L2J2RIy8

But her voice got to me anyway...

"But Dave, I have to explain that..."

Explain what? Explain how to have sex with the brother of the guy you're dating? Or explain how you still have the guts to talk to him?

"You don't have to explain anything, Anne! Actually, there's nothing to explain… "

"But D..."

To the hell with but! There's always a but! I had to finally look at her, to see if she could notice my lack of patience, and I'd only go on with that conversation if she had a good answer to my question.

"Look, Anne. I have only one question for you. I just want to understand WHY. Why did you do this to me? I'm not enough for you, not good enough, come on Anne, why?"

Come on, this is your chance to at least try to make things a little bit better for you…

"I was drunk Dave, I didn't know what I was doing..."

Bullshit. I'd knew she'd blame it on the alcohol, as usual. And since she wanted to get into this, she'd have to liste to me. And I'd say it out loud.

"YES, YOU DID! Don't give me this lame excuse, you knew very well what you were doing… It's always the same excuse Anne, that was your excuse to do a lot of stupid things when Matthew was in the hospital, same thing with our first time that you preferred to call a "drunking mistake", it's always the same fucking excuse! You know what's funny? You can always blame the alcohol for your mistakes and I can't… you just left me in Hawaii, without a chance to justify myself because of my mistake, and now I have to happily accept your pathetic excuse? Nobody forced you to do anything, I'm pretty sure Andrew didn't force you to do anything you didn't want to! You did this because you WANTED TO. You know... I really thought you liked me... really, I believed you when you said you loved me!"

And that definitely wasn't an attitude of a person who truly loves another one.

"But it is true, it have always been, I LOVE YOU, David!"

How dare she say that? I never felt so angry, and I screamed for her never to say that again…

"NO YOU DO NOT! Don't say it again, because it's a lie, that's not love! If you loved me, you'd NEVER had sex with my brother! This is anything, but love! Actually, are you sure you know what love is? Because I was when I told you this, I tried to prove you through my acts and not only words… What was it, only one brother was not enough? You had to have both? I bet if Matthew wasn't your brother, you'd have sex with him too!"

It was painful to say that, I had never offended Anne in all this years of friendship, but she deserved to hear it, and at that moment that's what I believed, she worth nothing.

"David, you are insulting me..."

Good, that's what I intend to do.

"I am insulting you?"

So I decided to show her what an insult really was in our situation.

"Anne, you humiliated me! Do you have any idea how I felt when I saw YOU on the bed with my brother?"

She must have an idea of what she felt when she was in bed with him. She started saying something, but I guess she felt I'd tell her to shut up, so I went on.

"You know, I thought I knew you, but I can see I don't... I look at you know and I see a stranger... You are a completely stranger for me, Anne! You know, in my life I met a lot of women, but for some reason I always believed you were different… unfortunately, you proved me you are just like everybody else… you know what?"

If you don't, you're gonna hear it anyway.

"Now I can see it was not that permanent."

"That's too much already, David!"

Poor girl. Let me draw so you can understand.

"Too much? Ok, picture this then, Anne: what if you had a sister and I slept with her? How would YOU feel?"

"..."

Time's up. No answer.

"See? Anne, I was not 100% honest with you, I made a lot of mistakes and I knew that. You had to forgive me a lot of times too. I could forgive anything coming from you, I could try to understand anything, but not this… that was too much for me…"

"Dave..."

"Look, Anne. I could try to understand if you had sex with ANY other guy. We are not together for real, I don't have the right to demand anything from you… Even if it was Kyle I could make an effort to understand, but not Andrew! You chose the only guy you could NEVER have anything with!"

The part where I said I'd understand if she had sex with Kyle was a lie.

So she said the best thing of the day.

"I'm sorry Dave, I'm so sorry, I really am..."

Make me laugh…

"Sorry? You think it's so easy, right Anne? You think you can do anything you want and apologize later, saying you're sorry and everything is gonna be alright! But I bet you were not sorry at all when you were under MY FUCKING BROTHER!"

Or on top of him, whatever.

When I thought about that, I got even angrier. In a few seconds, everything we had been through came rushing to my mind, and even facing a lot of problems, I had never stopped thinking about her, her opinion was important in everything to me. While I was singing on the AI, I imagined her applauding me, when Matt had the accident, I imagined how bad she could have felt being away from him, while I was signing that contract, I thought about how dissapointed she would be if she found out, when I got arrested, I thought she'd be the only one to understand me… and what about her? When did she think about me?

I went on, I didn't care if Matt would her something...

"I know I did a LOT of bad things. We broke up a lot of times because of me, but I was thinking about you THE WHOLE TIME! You made me feel the worst person in the world when you left Hawaii, during the entire flight back I was thinking about what to do to make things up with you, make you realize I never wanted to hurt you, and when I get here what do I see? That was the way you found to punish me for my mistakes? Throwing in my face that if things didn't work out between us, you could fall in his arms and he would want you too? You never valued me, now I can see I was only another one in your list, I repeat, I always thought you were different, but you're like everyone else!"

She started crying, and I could only be angrier with her, those were faking tears for me, everything I had done for her was in vain, if I could, I'd erase it all, starting with her, but I couldn't... she tried to hug me, I pushed her away, I was out of my mind, uncontrolled, and if she touched me again, I don't know what I'd do... that's when I looked away and saw the biggest prove of how pathetic I had been all that time thinking about her, the proof of my dedication, I wondered if she could see that or if it was obvious just for me…

"You see this?"

I felt my arms weakening when I lifted the guitar, I was so uncontrolled that if I had the guts I'd have broken it on her head, but I'm such a wuss that when I saw her tripping, and curling up in bed, I still hesitated, almost put the guitar down and held her for being scared, and then I realized that kind of attitude had spoiled her so much, and had to show her that David she knew, didn't exist from that moment on, I was gonna erase all the evidences that I had loved her someday, starting with the guitar.

"This is the proof that I always thought about you, even when you were engaged to Kyle! And know I now you don't deserve 1 minute of my thoughts, you don't deserve this, YOU NEVER DID!"

With a pain my heart (and in my wallet), I closed my eyes and in one stroke, I smashed it against the wall. The noise was deafening, the strings loosened, I still smashed it a couple of times on the floor to make sure the pieces were irrecoverable, just like the relationship with Anne was for me.

I felt relieved, and a little scared with my own violence.

"I can't Anne, I can't even look at you right now... You know... I'm angry with myself, for caring so much about you."

Before leaving, she made the question I didn't even have to think to answer.

"Can you forgive me someday?"

February 30th, maybe.

"It's over, Anne... you took care of this… I'll never forgive you."

I left the room with my hands shaking, sweating, I bet I was all red, but I didn't care if Matt saw me, he must have heard all the fight, or not, whatever. But I wouldn't be ashamed to talk about it anymore, I wasn't wrong, and I had said everything I wanted to Anne, and finished every hope she might have that I would forgive her.

Matt showed up.

"Still here, David?"

No. You're hallucinating.

"Yeah, but I'm already leaving."

"Did something happened? I heard a strange noise in there..."

"Matt, don't bug me. Ask your sister what happened."

I knew I shouldn't be so hard on him, but I was too nervous... On the way to Andy's, I was remembering the feeling of smashing the guitar.  
>It was good.<br>I could do it more often... on stage, preferably.

I got to Andy's, and he opened the door himself, I thought he was scared to see me, because his eyes were widened, but I remembered this was usual.  
>He hand't changed anything, just his hair was a bit longer, but the smile and the plaid shirt were the same, and they brought the memory of those days when we used to mess around the city and play all the time. He hugged me.<p>

"Get in, man! My parents and Alexis are waiting for you excited!"

Alexis is Andy's sister, we were not very close because I felt kinda intimidated around her, but she was pretty, older than us, and I must confess I had had some dreams about her already.

I got in, they were in the living room and all welcomed me very well, I must have spent a couple of hours telling the American Idol experience and how things were now, I didn't give too much details about that part, and then Andy invited me to go outside so we could talk.

We sat on the sidewalk and he started.

"So Dave, you seem kinda down, I haven't heard about you in the media recently… what happened?"

"it's a long story And, I'm gonna tell you everything, but so sum up, I don't have a label right now..."

"I bet there's a girl in the middle of this."

"Two, actually."

He laughed.

"Two? Don't complain, then! No label, but 2 girls? You're fine!"

"Actually, no label and no girls, none of them, and I need your help..."

"Look David, I have a girlfriend, you know, I think you are a good looking guy, I respect homossexualty, but it's not gonna happen... if you were rich, at least..."

He made me laugh a lot.

"You idiot! I'm serious! I talked to some labels, but I wanted to perform with a band, you know I prefer that rather than going solo, or that the guys make me play with some random guys, and don't have any harmony with me…"

"And you were thinking about…"

"You, of course! We could talk to Neal too, if he's not in another band already, and then we have to find a drummer and a bass player.  
>"Deal! Oh, and just to let you know, I'm not gonna learn how to play "Time of My life"… such a boring song!"<p>

I laughed again…

"Deal then, I'm looking forward to start rehearsing, I'm gonna talk to Neal today, I need some distraction, things are not easy man."

"I can see you've been through some bad stuff, but at least you have someting to write about…"

"That's right, I'm gonna go then, I'll talk to Neal and you help me with the rest of the band, ok?"

"Deal, I think I'm gonna go to the church to get the guys from the gospel band!"

"Do that! And let them know we're gonna sing "Fuck Her Gently" on the concerts, so they have to know how to play that one!"


	41. Easy on Eyes Band

**Easy on Eyes Band**

I was really excited, I knew Andy would help me, now I had to get Neal, he didn't reply my email, didn't answer my calls, he wasn't home, but I wasn't worried, that was Neal, but I knew where to find him...  
>He had changed. In a short time, he got 3 more tattoos, another piercing, his nails were black, and now his hair was all blond.<br>He always liked to be different, and I honestly thought his look was cool, I could see him on stage already.  
>And there he was, with a cue on one hand, a cigarette on the other, the glass of whisky on the pool table could only be his.<p>

"David! I cannot believe it! It was about time you showed up!"

He held me, despite of the looks, he had a huge heart, we used to kid him a lot, he tried to look tough, but he was a really nice guy.

"Tell me about it... I needed to talk to you..."

"I know, you came to ask for your CDs back, huhw I thought you had forgotten about that…"

"I didn't come to ask for any CD, even thought I could really use the Avenged Sevenfold one… I need to tell you a lot of things."

"Are you buying me a drink? If you are, we can talk."

"It's easier if you buy me one, but let's go."

We sat on the bar, he loved that place, he was always hanging out there, playing pool... I told him the the whole story, with details, he heard me and gave good advices, among them: Party hard!  
>We laughed and he agreeded to join the band, we decided to meet in the weekend to rehearse, until there I had time to find someone to complete the team.<p>

I got home at night, my car was in the garage, clean. Andrew was in the living room.  
>In an common day, I'd go in, he'd follow me to my room and ask me how my day was, he'd show me some funny vídeos he had found on You Tube, or a funny t-shirt he had bought, he'd get the guitar and ask me to play something, he'd drink Coke out of the bottle with me, or just sit beside me and make me company.<br>But that's not what happened. I passed by him, he looked at me but ddn't move, and I missed hearing his steps behind me on the stairs.

I thought it'd be hard to sleep, but I had so many new thoughts in my head, anxious to meet the boys again, produce new things, that I gradually fell asleep, but right before that, I felt an emptiness, a loneliness, the silence on the street, in the house, and the absence of 3 essencial people in my life: Andrew, Matt and Anne.

I woke up with Andy calling me, I was still sleepy when I answered, he was talking loud.

"Come on kid, wake up! How do you wanna be rich and famous sleeping until now?"

"Andy! What time is it?"

"9 am."

Is this a joke?

"Nine? Did you fell out of the bed? Are you crazy?"

"Wake up, I need to introduce you to a guy that can play with us!"

"Now?"

"Actually, I was thinking you could go with me first buy a present to Jennie."

"Nice, what time will you come?"

"I'm at you door, get here soon."

I changed and went downstairs, while I was eating something I heard Andy talking to someone outside.  
>It was Matt, I was afraid to leave, I remembered how rude I'd been with him a day before, and he definitely knew I had broken the guitar.<br>But there was no escape, he was not only my friend, he was my neighboor.

I said hello to both of them, and the look he gave me made me feel awkward, Andy got into the car and I was paralysed on the sidewalk, I didn't know how to act, and then he broke the silence.

"If you don't mind, I'd like a word with you."

"Go ahead Matt."

"I don't think this is a good time, I can see you're leaving... and this conversation can take a while."

Could someone bring Matt back? This serious guy was not my friend. He couldn't be.

"A long serious conversation? What, 5 minutes?"

I tried to make a joke, but he didn't even bother to pretend he found it funny.

"If you think everything that happened can be solved in five minutes, okay then.".

He was unrecognizable, and I could see he already knew a lot, but Andy was calling me, so he decided to leave, but left a message first.

"Drop by later, if you can, or want to…"

I got into the car and started thinking, I had no Idea what Anne had told him, I Wonder if she had the guts to tell the truth... And what did he want to say to me? Because if she had told him the truth, he shouldn't be mad at me. Or he was mad at me because I didn't tell him first? My thoughts were interrupted by Andy.

"It had been a while since I had last seen him, he still looks like a fool, as usual."

I laughed.

"Don't say that!"

"You know we never got along well... I preferred his sister, now I have a girlfriend and everything, but she was very hot... what was her name again?

Mary, Julia, Jennifer...whatever. I didn't want to talk about that, or I'd have to tell him everything, but he remebered it himself...

"Anne, isn't it? He was hot, I always thought you two would end up together… you never had anything with her?

I did, so did my brother, what else should he know?

"Remember when I told you about a broken heart?"

His eyes widened (more than usual):

"You were talking about Anne? I can't believe this! I told you, I always knew you'd have something…"

By the time we got to the gift shop, he knew the whole story.  
>But he was reasonable, and after the shock, he didn't bring the subject up anymore and tried everything to distract me.<p>

"Help me man, what should I buy her?"

"What's the occasion? Consolation, for having you as a boyfriend?"

"Sort of, our anniversary."

I was not good at choosing presents, but I immediately thought about Anne, and what I'd give her, everytime I saw something that reminded me of her, I wanted to buy...

"And it has to be something that shows you really thought about her."

And not expensive, so you can smash it against the wall, if she upsets you.

He got what he needed, and we went to a friend of him, where the guy he wanted to introduce me was, ando n the way he told me a little bit more about him, his name was Joey, he was 28 and from LA, but was spending some time in Tulsa. Although he was knew, he had experience, he had traveled to some countries including Brazil (that reminded me the traumatic experience of going after Anne).

I got along with him, he had a good sense of humor, his hair was funny, and he said he could stay in Tulsa longer to play with us. So, we had a bass player.

On the way home, Andy cell rang and while he was talking, I thought of how much I wanted to get home, to see what Matt wanted...

"So And, can you take me home?"

"Actually, no…"

"No? Drop me at the bus stop, then..."

He laughed...

"I told Jennie I was with you, and she invited us to dinner at her place..."

It would be so funny, Andy, Jennie and me. And maybe her dog, to make me company. But I couldn't say no.

"Cool, but can you take me home then? I have to wake up early tomorrow, to set things up to the rehearsal."

That way I'd have time to talk to Matt, before going to bed.

We got to Jennie, and well... it wasn't exactly the romantic dinner I was expecting.

Instead of flowers, candles and a table for 3, there were beer, pizza, and a lot of Jennie's friends. Very interesting.

She hugged me...

"What's up pretty one! You look so different, you grew a beard!"

"And you're still the same funny girl..."

"Come on in, get a drink, I told the girls you were coming, they are all very excited..."

All? I could choose, then...

I must confess I was a little shy, but I sat on the couch with Andy, while the girls were singing on the karaoke machine, and we started drinking... I told him I had talked to Neal, and we had the same idea:

"Let's invite him to come here!"

In less than 20 minutes he showed up with some friends, and more drinks. I didn't want to drink much, I had to go to talk to Matt, and it would be good if I was sober.

But when I heard Andy and Neal calling me on the mic, I knew I wouldn't get out of there so soon.


	42. Fetish

**Fetish**

I got up and almost fell back on the couch, my legs were not responding properly, got to the mic and Andy whispered:

"Back to the old times, what's gonna be today?"

"What girl? Do I have to choose one now?"

"The song David, the song!"

"Oh yeah... Maybe... Little Lies!"

While we were singing, a girl on the couch was staring at me while she whispered in a friend's ear, and I blinked at her.  
>It was enough.<p>

I went to the empty kitchen and she followed me.

"Jennie told me a lot of good things about you."

"She was always a good liar..."

"I don't think she lied, you're exactly as I expected, green eyes, beard, straight hair, good singer... strong arms."

And then she touched my arms, while she had a shot of tequila, and I had to work on my flirting skills...

"She didn't tell me anything about you, but you know... you're exactly as I expected."

Good one, David.  
>She smiled.<p>

"And why is a guy like you single?"

Women. Why do they wanna talk about relationships? Why am I single? I could give her a lot of reasons, but it was not time to talk.

"Because I haven't met you yet."

That was awful. Couldn't be more tacky, but if it helped me taking her to the bedroom...

"And now that you found me, what you're gonna do?"

Was she teasing me?

"I can do a lot of things, but I can't show you here... wanna go upstairs?"

We did it, and I'm sorry Jennie, but I'm gonna use your parents bed...

"Where are you going?"

"Just follow me."

I was thinking what to do kiss her, but when we got into the room she pushed me on the bed, got on top of me and started kissing me. Her attitude reminded me of Anne. Come on, David. It's not time to think about Anne now, only…

What was her name again?

I stopped the kiss.

"What's your name again?"

"Why do you wanna know?"

I'm sorry, I didn't. She continued the kiss. And someone knocked on the door...

"Mandy, are you there?"

Now I know her name. And she answered:

"Yeah, come on in!"

Come on in?

So she entered already talking...

"So you're having a private party here and didn't invite me?"

No. I thought private meant 2 people, but apparently it didn't, and I was sure about that when the other girl just took my shirt off and started kissing my neck, while Mandy was unzipping my pants.

The situation was becoming a little surreal, and I confess I had seen this in movies, and in some (ok, a lot) of my dreams, but I was not sure if it was a good idea to actually do it.  
>Not that I was afraid I couldn't handle it... but they seemed very excited, I was lying on the bed, Mandy threw my pants away, he was kissing my belly while looking at me, teasing me, running her hands through my underpants, while her friend was grabbing my hair and licking my ear.<p>

Come on, David! Do something!

Yes, I was afraid I wouldn't handle it.

So, I started kissing Mandy, and I felt a hand, I don't know who exactly it belonged to, taking my underwear off...  
>The kiss was interrupted by her friend, pulling me by the neck, she wanted to kiss me too. So Mandy switched positions with her friend, and decided to lick my thighs, and she'd make me see stars if she…<br>And then she did it.  
>Her mouth was hot, and she really knew what she was doing.<br>I had to organize things, who would go first?  
>But it was impossible, both of them were driving me crazy.<p>

Mandy's friend (I wouldn't dare asking her name) was a good kisser, she was kissing and biting my or I'd waste everything… and I had a lot of things to do yet.  
>So I pulled her and took her clothes off. Her friend did the job herself.<br>And I felt both of them naked, with their hot legs on top of me.  
>It's now.<br>Mandy goes first.  
>I turned around and penetrated her. Her friend started to massage my back, and the only attention I could give her, was to caress her breasts.<p>

I was started to think I'd handle it. But a help (not so necessary) arrived...

Neal opened the door.

I opened my eyes, stopped what I was doing, the 3 of us looked at him scared, but he seemed very calm, he closed the door, put his bottle on the floor and said:

"You can continue what you're doing, kids… I'm just gonna watch it... unless you need a hand."

I laughed. I was still on top of Mandy, and my friend had a good vision of... my butt.

"A hand, Neal? That's all you can give?" "

He took his shirt off. Oh no. I closed my eyes again, I definitely ddn't want to see him naked.

He jumped on the bed and grabbed Mandy's friend.

"No David, I can give much more than that."

I opened my eyes again just to check, they were already kissing, Mandy pulled me hard to make me continue.

They got up from the bed.  
>Oh no, now it was my turn. She took his pants off. Neal's butt.<br>He pressed her against the wall, pulled her hair and... did it.  
>And I also couldn't hold it anymore. I lay down next to her, feeling satisfied.<p>

Neal blinked at me, Mandy and I left the room, they'd still have a long night ahead. 

...

I woke up on the couch, Andy was waking me up.

"Come on man, Jennie's folks arrive today, we have to go!"

I was still sleepy in the car, but when he dropped me at home, the first thing I remembered was that I should have showed up to talk to Matt last night, I called is cell but he didn't answer, I decided to let it go, I knew I was right, if he wanted to listen to me someday, he'd come to me again.  
>By the end of the week, Andy called me with good news, he had found a drummer, he was afraid because he was very young, but he thought I'd like him.<br>We decided to meet at the bar that night, so we could see a band performs and try to talk to the owner, see if we could play there one of the nights…

Before getting in the car, I couldn't help looking at the next house, the light of her room was off, I don't know why I expected to see her on the window, but I guess if she was smart, she wouldn't show up so soon, and if I was so sure I didn't want to see her, why was I standing there, looking at her window for 5 minutes?

I started the engine and headed to the bar.

I got there and they were all waiting for me, Neal, Joey, Andy, Jennie, Alexis (Andy's sister) and the drummer, his name: Kyle.  
>Disqualified.<br>Reason: His name brought bad memories.

But I gradually changed my mind during the night, Kyle was very cool, he was exactly what we needed.  
>We talked to the owner, he promised to think about our proposal after hearing to something we played. So we had to start rehearsing.<br>It was early whe the band stopped playing, so we decided to go to Andy's to continue the night, on the way my cell beeped, it should be Matt… but it was a message from AT&T.

I noticed that since the bar, Alexis was looking at me in a provocative way, at first I thought she was trying to make Neal jealous, since they had dated before, but she was mature enough not to do that, so I talked about it to him when we got to Andy's.

"Is it me or Alexis is gving me a strange look?"

"Strange? She is flirting with you… a lot."

"I noticed that, but it's complicated..."

"Come on, if you're worried about me, Alexis is in the past, go for it!"

I laughed and looked at her, I guess she knew what we were talking about…

We decided to play cards, like old times, bottles on the table, the smoke of Neal's cigarrete, the yelling, but this time there was something different: underneath the table, Alexis was rubbing her peg on mine... I was sure I gave signs I was embarrassed, it was like everyone was watching, her legs, my pants...

She didn't seem intimidated, she was looking into my eyes while teasing me, unlike me, I just couldn't look at her...  
>was able to "calm down" a little bit and called Andy to talk.<p>

"Andy, it's already late, I think I'm going... your parents are already in bed, and I'm a little tir…"

He didn't let me finish.

"It's my sister, right?"

I knew someone had noticed it. I had to learn not to be red when I was...

"Relax David, she had already talked to me about you... what do you think?"

"Honestly Andy... I don't know, she's your sister, I don't want to deal with this anymore..."

"Knock it off man, just because it happened once, it doesn't mean t's gonna happen again, you have to let it go, and another thing, Alexis is not a teenager anymore, I assure you she's not gonna make you suffer."

That was not a bad idea, I had never been with older women, and that seemed a good time to try.  
>We went back to the table and I tried to be more confident, and when I was ready to play her game, she just stopped, didn't touch me nor look at me anymore. Women!<p>

I waited for everyone to leave, to see if sgetting the cards, until she breaks the silence.

"You want me to walk you to the door?"

"Are you expelling me?"

"No, I just wanna go upstairs..."

"What if I say I wanna go too?"

"You can go upstairs... to Andy's room."

I didn't understand anything, first she was teasing me, and now she didn't want me anymore. Maybe she noticed I had talked to her brother? Or she was really just trying to make Neal jealous and now that he had already left...

While I was thinking, she was already holding the door opened for me, she kissed me on the cheek, what made me sure she didn't want anything with me.  
>I got home, and before going to bed, my cell beeped.<p>

"I thought you were more persistent, you could have gone up with me."

I'll never understand women in my life.  
>I sat on the bed, I was disturbed, I couldn't sleep. I considered getting dressed again and go back there. But I wouldn't give her this pleasure. Not that night.<p> 


	43. Matt picks his side

**Matt picks his side**

I spent a long time rehearsing, which helped me not to think about a lot of things, like not talking to my brother yet, but one day when I was getting home, Matt was waiting for me, sitting by his door.

"Can we talk now, or you're too busy?"

He wasn't friendly, and I couldn't avoid this conversation much longer...

"Yeah, we can."

"Can we go somewhere else? I don't want my sister to see us talking."

That scared me. Had Anne twisted the whole story and put Matt against me?

We got into my car and I parked on the other street, I thought he'd say something, but I had to start...

"Matt, I don't know what you have to say, but I'm sure it's about your sister, and I have a lot of things to tell you too..."

He cooly replied:

"You can skip this David, you don't have to tell me anything, Anne already took care of this, and don't worry, she told me the truth, and I'm shocked as well, I also think she made a terrible mistake…"

Wait. How could I know he was talking about the same truth as I was? Unfortunately, I had lost confidence in them, after what happened…

"What exactly did she tell you, Matt?"

"That she slept with your brother. Is there anything else you would like to add?"

Ok, she had been honest… but then, why was he acting like this?

"No, I guess this is enough for you to understand me…"

"Dave, I'm sorry to tell you that this time I'm not here to talk to you as a friend, I'm here as Anne's brother, just to tell you something… I tried to put me in your shoes, I don't know what I would do if this happened to me, maybe even worst than what you're doing…"

"I am doing? I'm not doing anything about this Matt... I already told Anne everything I had to."

"Exactly, you're not doing anything, you're ignoring everything you've been through, and because of this pride, my sister is sick, getting worse everytime…"

"Are you serious? I don't know exactly what's happening to Anne, but whatever it may be, it's her fault, not mine…"

He seemed to get more irritated.

"So you really think she deserves to be punished? No matter the consequences, you think it's fair that she suffers?"

"Matt, why are you telling me this? What can possibly be happening to her?"

"Nothing much David, I just found her today on the bathroon floor, crying, she can't eat anymore, and when she does, she throws everything up, she barely leaves her room, she always has headaches... but I bet that saying all those things to you will make you think that she's playing the victim, or that she asked me to made up this story to touch you."

I'd lie if I said that both hypotheses didn't cross my mind.  
>But when I imagined Anne sick, my chest hurt.<p>

"Matt, tell me what do you want me to do? Really? Put yourself in my shoes."

"David, I'm not the one who has to tell you what to do, you're a grown man. I'm not gonna put myself in your shoes, I'm gonna stay in my shoes, and beside my sister. Oh, and the ONLY thing Anne asked me to tell you is for you not to be mad at Andrew because it's not his fault, and I agree with her, but I guess you already figured this out by now…"

No, I hadn't. And I couldn't even answer him, I looked at the rearview mirror and he was already going home. I stayed in the car, totally confused.

For me, Matt was exaggerating, it wasn't possible that Anne was that bad, he really should be making this up to touch me. I'd only believe if I saw it, and honestly, I didn't feel like going after that.

But I couldn't stop thinking about what Matt had told me. I felt like an idiot, but he had said she was sick, wasn't eating, just crying… but she deserved that, and much more for what she had done to me!

...

It turns out I didn't want to go after Alexis anymore, actually I didn't wanna be with a lot of girls, I never liked that.

The guys and I were rehearsing a lot, we were doing great together, those guys were great, I knew I had made the right choice. I was writing a lot too, I we got a label I wanted to have a lot of material. I tried to focus my mind on that, but when I passed by Anne's house, I always expected to see her, against my will. Ridiculous, I was very ridiculous. She meant nothing to me anymore. I didn't saw Matt anymore, either. I'm gonna admit it, I missed my best friend a lot, he was almost like my brother. But apparently he had made his choice, even though she was wrong, he chose her side. Pity.

And days went by. I was in my room playing and trying to find a rhyme, when my mom got in, bringing some clothes.

"Is Anne on a diet, David?"

I stopped playing.

"What are you talking about mom?"

"I just went outside and saw her by her door with another girl... she's so thin, I found it weird... she was already thin, but now it's too much, she may have lost 10 pounds or more... Those girls always think they're fat, she's gonna disappear someday..."

And she left the room. I was paralyzed. So what Matt had told me must be true, she never liked diets, she always ate everything she liked… so maybe it was serious… well, she caused that, that's her problem, I wouldn't worry about that… at least I tried to make myself believe that. I spent the next couple of days trying not to think about her and what my mom had told me. A lot of times I caught myself looking through the window, to see if she left the house, to check if it was true…


	44. And despite of everything

**And despite of everything...**

I decided to take a walk to forget all of that. When I got back home, I was opening the door when I saw something happening at Anne's. I got closer to see what was going on. Matt was carrying her, to his car... obviously there was something wrong. I ran towards them, and when I got there he was putting her on the back seat. I stopped beside them, breathless.

"Matt, what's going on? What happened to Anne?"

He looked at me and there was anger in his eyes.

"It's not of your business."

I looked at her, her eyes were closed.

"Did she faint?"

"No, I brought her to sleep in the car. Of course she fainted, are you fucking blind? Oh, I'm sorry, I forgot you must be thinking this is an acting… now, if you'll excuse me, the next scene is me taking my sister to the hospital."

"Why are you talking to me like that, Matt? I didn't do anything to you! You're gonna defend Anne now?"

He closed his eyes and took a deep breath. For a moment, I thought he was gonna punch me, but he just looked at me and started talking.

"Look David... don't get me wrong, okay? But I don't care about your fight, in fact, when I went after you was to hear what YOU had to say, because being your best friend, I had to listen to your side of the story too, but you didn't even bother to come after me. See, I'm gonna be very clear and try to make you understand. I don't give a damn about who is right or wrong, I have nothing to do with any of that, and I wouldn't want to have to pick a side! But the only thing I know, the only thing I see, is my sister getting worst, she practically doesn't eat, and when she does, she throws everything up. She's getting thinner and paler everyday, crying in the corners... She comes to MY room crying in the middle of the night because she can't sleep, she fainted in front of ME five minutes ago, and I feel like trash because I can't do anything about it! And now I ask you, honestly, do you really think I'd turn my back on her, leave her all alone just because she's wrong? How could I, I would never do that, David! Of course I'm gonna defend Anne, that's obvious! David, I'm not gonna ask you to have mercy and forgive her, I know that her mistake was terrible. If I were you, I probably wouldn't forgive her either, I understand you, I know her suffering is not exactly YOUR fault, she caused all of this. But you have to understand my side too, Dave. Everything happened so fast, I see my sister like that and I can't help thinking you have something to do with that! Look, I'm not mad at you. Really, I'm not... And I'm not against you either, there's no point. You've always been my best friend, almost like a brother, and I really hope things can go back to normal when all this pass… but Anne IS my sister, David… I don't care what she did, I don't care if she's right or wrong... I'm always gonna be on HER side."

The worst part is... he was right.

"Okay, I understand your side Matt, I swear I'm not mad at you for being on her side... but why do you have to be so rude?"

"I'm sorry David, but I expected more when I told you what was going on with Anne... I know you were angry with her, but I never imagined you'd think we had the guts to make this up... I thought you at least would be worried about her!"

Right again. Fuck.

"Okay, I screwed up, but how would I know it was true, there have been so many lies already!"

All of the sudden Anne appeared beside Matt, staring at him, I hadn't noticed she was awake. Had she listened to our talk? I gave her a quick look, and she really was much thinner and paler, she looked kind of sick. I couldn't keep the words from coming out of my mouth.

"Anne, are you okay?"

She was still staring at Matt. By the look on her face, she had heard.

"Matthew, you told him? Why did you do this? I made you promise you wouldn't tell David anything!"

Now, there was no way I couldn't believe that was true.

"I'm sorry Anne, I just couldn't see you like this and not do anything! But there was no point, he didn't believe me anyway!"

He gave me that angry look again. Ok, I confess, I should have believed them.

"You shouldn't have done that, Matt!"

At the same time he was giving me that anger look, he was trying to give her an apology one. I saw her closing her eyes and taking a deep breath, exactly the way Matt had done minutes ago.

"Matt... can you leave me alone with David for a minute?"

Oops.

"But Anne..."

He didn't wanna leave, and I knew why. He was afraid I was gonna yell at her again, and she seemed so fragile she might brake at the slightest touch.

"Please Matt, it's gonna be fast… I'm gonna be okay, I promise."

I tried to promise myself the same thing. I had no idea what to say to her. I considered going home and leaving her there, but curiosity and worry – that I didn't want to feel – won. Matt finally went back inside, and she turned to me. She looked at me for the first time, and there was pain in her eyes.

"Dave... why are you here?"

Ok, nothing too complicated.

"I saw Matt carrying you and I came to see what was going on..."

"You shouldn't have come, David!"

Her tone scared me. All I needed was her saying that was my fault! If she said that, I'd REALLY leave. Her head was low when she continued.

"Look, David... you don't have to worry about me... I don't WANT you to worry about me!"

What? That didn't made much sense… I took a step towards her, I'd have to admit it.

"But I do... damn it! As much as I don't want it, I can't help it, you have always been my best friend, almost like a… sister, even though now we… well, how do you expect me to see you like this and don't be worried?"

I really was an idiot. She took a while to answer.

"You shouldn't Davie... You're making it worst... I'm trying to forget everything that happened, forget about you, and it's already so hard, but seeing you, knowing that you care, the least, about me, it's impossible! I need to be away from you for this to work… at least, make things easier for me, David… I'm gonna be fine, I promise you. Everything is gonna be okay."

She turned around and walked fast, until she gets home. I stood there staring at her, thinking about what she had said, and then, I understood. I had never seen Anne like that, and at the same time, I had never been so sure she was being honest. She was really suffering, and this time she was not acting, trying to touch me or something, it was true. And it was even more obvious because she didn't want me to know… because she knew me well enough to know that, even angry, I'd be worried about her, and she didn't want that. I had no doubts, Anne had really changed this time. Even her eyes were showing that. But that didn't change – almost – anything. It didn't erase what she had done.


	45. Declaration

**Declaration**

I went home and when I got to my room, I started thinking about what Matt had said, not only today, but in our last talks. He wasn't that fool, funny, immature guy anymore, who didn't care about anything. He was really worried about Anne, I pictured him as a lion protecting her (from me, mostly). Everything that had happened also changed Matt, and I could see their relationship was much more intense. I must confess I was a little jealous. I missed my brother. I even considered talking to him, but I still needed some time, even though I knew it wasn't his fault (like Anne said). 

Days went by, I was still playing with the guys, writing a few songs… we were recording some of them, to send to the labels…

Sometimes I saw Anne, getting in or out of the house, always with Matt. She looked a little better, at least she was not so pale anymore. Sometimes I thought about going there and talk to her, I don't know, so things wouldn't be so tense between us, but then I realized she didn't deserve it.

I came back home one night and saw an unfamiliar car getting out of Anne's house. I tried to see if she was inside, but all I could see was a guy and a blond girl, I couldn't see their faces, but at least wasn't Anne. I parked the car and before getting in, I looked at her window. It was opened, the light was on, drapes were closed and swinging, she might have been there 1 second ago… and my imagination was cheating me.

Next day, I went to a few labels with Andy to leave demos. He had passed by, and we went with his car because mine was out of gas. We spent the whole morning doing that, and he asked me to call Neal to see if he was home, so we would go there to get some cds, but when I looked for it, I realized I had forgotten my cell at home. I used his cell instead, and we went to Neal, and ended up having lunch there. I went back home around 2, because Andy had something else to do. When we got to my street, I saw smoke coming out of the old abandoned house, it was about time something was being done with it… but strangely enough, it seemed like I was losing a part of my childhood…

I got in and I was thinking about taking a nap, when I passed by the living room, Andrew spoke, without taking his eyes off the TV.

"You got a message a while ago."

I got my cell and read it.

_"Dave... could you meet me now at the abandoned house, please? It's important. I'm waiting for you..."_

I read the sender, "Sis", and the message was sent over 2 hours ago. And then I remembered the house on fire... I felt like I had been punched in the face... the house on fire… Anne was in there… what if…

I ran, I heard Andrew asking where I was going, but I didn't answer, I ran as fast as I could to the house, I could barely feel my legs, it was like the house was getting further and further, I was terrified with what could have happened, I couldn't even imagine... when I finally get there, the smoke wasn't so intense anymore, but the house was still there...

I got in and stopped in the middle of the living room, the house wasn't on fire. It took a while for me to realize the smoke was coming from the fireplace. I looked around, there was nobody there.

"ANNE!"

Nothing. I called again, nothing. Well, if she had sent the message 2 hours ago, of course she wouldn't be here anymore. I went to the fireplace, there were a lot of burnt things, but I couldn't tell what they were. I turned my back to leave, I'd call Anne to see what she wanted, maybe she was going to ask me to go back with her again, that she was sorry, that same old talking… and she chose a familiar setting this time. But before leaving, something caught my attention. I got closer and realized it was a tape. I got it, and there was another thing on the table… it was the coaster that I had given her on Outback a life ago… but she had written Bro on top of Sis… what did all that mean? I hope it was not a suicidal video...

I went home quickly, to see what was in the tape. I ran upstairs, ignoring Andrew's questions. I got into my room and closed the door, automatically turned the radio on to calm down… I sat on the bed to watch it, on the radio was playing .com/watch?v=B9IjLDEtGHM

_"David, I recorded this video because you chose not to listen to what I had to tell you, actually to show you, so you could see how I feel about you. Even though you didn't come, I'm gonna tell you anyway, I have to say it..._

_I made a scenery to our conversation, with all the memories I had from you, to illustrate what I had to say, so you could see that everything I went through with you made me grow up, every minute, every laughter, every tear, and I recorded it not only in my memory, but in pictures, songs, letters..._

_I screwed up David, and so many times... Now I can see, more than ever, that I didn't value you enough, and now it's too late… My biggest mistake was taking you for granted, thinking that if that love attempt didn't work out, our friendship would remain, despite of everything. Actually, I never thought I'd have the guts or reason to show you all of this, but now I don't have much to lose anymore… I already lost what matters the most, I lost you in every way, and I miss you so much… Knowing that I don't have you in my life anymore, not even as a friend, hurts so much…_

_Only now I can see how unfair I was with you, and how I made you suffer not once, but many times, and you, more than anybody, don't deserve that… Actually, I realized I don't deserve you... You are the greatest person I've ever met, I cannot believe how much I hurt you, and I'll never forgive you for making you suffer... after everything you told me, I could see myself better, see how wrong I was all this time, I always put myself before you… I saw I had turned into a person that I don't even recognize._

_As I told you once, I didn't start loving you when I sang you that song, I only realized that day something that had always been inside of me, right on my face and I couldn't see... I know that I showed differently a lot of times, but I love you so much, David… I know that for everything that happened, you think it's a lie, and I don't blame you for this, but it's not… I love you more than I was ever capable of showing, and much more than I knew… losing you made me see that what I feel is much bigger than I imagined… I'm always gonna love you, I can't even tell you how much... thinking about you, you scent, your eyes, everything we lived, it's unbereable…_

_This time, unlike the others, I won't beg you to forgive me, you made clear you're not willing to do that when you didn't show up... and I understand, I don't want you to think I'm mad, I don't have this right, I don't know if I would show up if I were you… I just wanted you to know all of this._

_I made this last attempt because in a little while I'm going to NY, I got a really good job in a producer there, I rented an apartment and I'm moving there, you know this has always been my dream. It's small, but lovely, close to Times Square, you'd love it... as we always wanted, remember? It would be perfect to have you there with me, but I know that's not possible anymore... I'm not running away this time, like when I went to Sao Paulo, Matt has my address and number, if you ever change your mind. Once you told me you'd always wait for me, and now I tell you the same. And maybe we can party everyday, like you promised me once._

_I'm gonna leave this tape here, because I believe sooner or later you'll show up. And if you watched it, I was right... and if you came... it means you don't hate me that much. Not everything is lost... what you wrote on the coaster is mutual. Don't forget it."_


	46. Impossible to forget

**Impossible to Forget**

When it was over, I couldn't take my eyes off the screen. Tears were Rolling down and I couldn't help it. I didn't know what to think, there were a thousand things going through my mind, her words and her face were still echoing in my head, I had to get some air, I left the room and went downstairs, I had to get out… I heard Andrew asking...

"What's going on, David?"

I didn't answer, I opened the door and left. I wandered for a while, I still didn't know what to think, all I could hear was her voice… I sat on the sidewalk, and hid my face between my hands. I was totally lost, it was a lot to think… by her expression, I could tell that she really meant every word, I knew when she was not being honest… and she had never been so honest. She had basically said that she knew she had hurt me, that she was sorry, loved me, and knew she didn't deserve me. And she had left… and I caught myself wanting to go after her, talk more… but I couldn't be weak, she had slept with my brother, I wouldn't forget that, I couldn't forget, couldn't forgive! I knew I had to be firm, but at the same time, I wanted to talk to her… I wondered if she really had gone to NY or if she was bluffing… I went to her house, just Matt's car was in the garage, I rang the doorbell a lot of times, but nobody answered.

I wandered again, my head was about to explode... Her voice was still in my head...

_...only now I can see how unfair I was with you, and how I made you suffer not once, but many times, and you, more than anybody, don't deserve that… Actually, I realized I don't deserve you..._

_…after everything you told me, I could see myself better, see how wrong I was all this time, I always put myself before you…_

_…losing you made me see that what I feel is much bigger than I imagined…_

_Don't forget it._

How could I? The truth is, I was angry with myself because as much as I had tried, I couldn't take her out of my mind, not even for a second, and she would be there for a long time… I didn't know what to do, I wanted to talk to her, but I didn't know if I should… I wanted to talk to someone, but I didn't know who… the 2 obvious choices would be Andrew and Matt, but things were still awkward between Matt and me, and he wasn't the best person to discuss this with… and I didn't know exactly what my situation with Matt was, and he wasn't home either… I didn't know who to talk to…

I came back home after a while, took a shower, lay down and watched the video a few more times, and I wanted more and more to see her, I had to keep myself from catching a plane to NY... I had to remind myself a lot of times that I HAD to be mad at her…

I was awake for hours, thinking about all of that… I woke up next day without even knowing when exactly I had fallen asleep, it was almost noon. I changed and went to Anne's, I wanted to see if she had really gone. I knocked, their mother answered.

"Hi Ellen... is Anne here?"

She seemed surprised.

"No, David... Anne is in New York, I thought you knew!"

So it was really true...

"Yeah, I did... I just thought she might not have gone..."

"She went yesterday."

Damn. But Matt's car was in the garage.

"Is Matt here? Can I talk to him?"

"He's not here either... Matt went to Chicago to see Rachel, they went together yesterday."

"And when does he come back? He will come back, right?"

"Yes, he'll be back in a week.".

"Thanks, Ellen!"

I had to talk to someone, otherwise I'd go crazy... I got my cell and called Andy, he told me to drop by. When I got there, he looked at me with his eyes widened.

"Gee man, you look awful."

"I need to talk to someone, Andy."

"Sit down, let's talk."

I told him everything, he already knew the beginning, I told about the video, everything Anne had said, and that it had affected me…

"I don't know what to do Andy, I admit it, I want to be with her, but I can't forget what she did... I told her I'd never forgive her... and besides, she's in New York now, I'm lost man..."

He thought for a second before speaking.

"Look Dave… the situation is complicated, I'd be lost too… you know what I'd do?"

"That's why I'm here."

He laughed.

"I'd go to New York to talk to her. Because the only time you talked after what happened, you were very nervous because it was very recent, and of course there was a fight… but now, after a few weeks, I guess you can talk better, you can ask her reasons to have done that, and then figure out what to do…"

I thought for a few moments and saw he was right, I'd go to NY to talk to Anne... I didn't intend to get back together with her, but things could be calmer… despite of everything, I missed being her friend, I couldn't help it, it was a friendship of a lifetime.

I was planning to go to NY in a week, but 2 days later I got a phone call that changed my plans. Kendra, Adam's wife (my other brother), called me to say he was not doing very well. He had brain cancer for years, and sometimes he was bad but then he got better, but I was always scared. I hope that would be one of those times, but I had to postpone my plans of going to New York, I had to be with my brother. 

... 

This time it was different. Adam was different, I couldn't tell exactly why, but there was something. I was terrified, more than ever. The feeling was not good. Since I didn't have much else to do, I decided to stay with Adam most of the time, I barely left his house. I felt he also knew something was different, but I was afraid to ask, he was acting normally. But he barely left his bed anymore, he was thinner and paler. He got a little worse every day, but I pretended not to see it.

About 2 weeks later, Adam got really worst, and had to be hospitalized. I got desperate, I knew it was serious, but I didn't want to believe… I'd rather think he'd be fine again, like the other times... and in the middle of my desperation, I caught myself wanting Anne by my side… he was always there when Adam got worst, and she'd hold me saying that everything would be okay… now, there was an emptiness… and in the middle of all those feelings, I was angry with myself, for wanting Anne there…

I was in the hospital, when an unexpected visitor arrived.

"Kelly? What are you doing here?"

Kelly, my ex. She came to me and kissed me on the cheek.

"Hi David... I'm sorry to show up like this, but I called your mom, just to see how things were, and she told me about Adam… I was worried, and came to see how you're doing…"

I knew Kelly always liked Adam. I was glad she came, we rarely spoke, but we had broke up without traumas. I told her he was not doing okay, and she went to see him.

Kelly showed up almost everyday, if not on the hospital, in my house, to hear from him. And it was inevitable, we got close again, we talked a lot, specially about him, and I was surprised, I really liked talking to her. I even thought that "emptiness" I was feeling could be filled by her. But no matter how hard I tried, it was still there. And it seemed bigger every day. I was really an idiot.


	47. The Worst Birthday

**The Worst Birthday**

The doorbell rang and when I opened the door, Matt was there. I imagined he had come to argue with me for something I had done to Anne (and I didn't even know what it was), but I couldn't handle that right now.

"Matt, I'm sorry, I don't wanna argue now..."

He interrupted me.

"Can I come in, Dave?"

He didn't seem mad, and he called me David, not Dave. That was a good sign. I let him in and closed the door.

He didn't threw himself on the couch, or went to the fridge to see if there was something to eat. He stood in the middle of the room, like he was a unfamiliar visitor, showing up for the first time. Too formal.

"Sit down Matt, we don't need that."

He laughed and sit, so did I. He was staring at the floor for a few minutes, thinking about how to start. Then, he looked at me.

"Dave... I ran into Drew yesterday, and he told me what's going on with Adam... I was feeling very bad Dave, I couldn't even sleep well... he told me he's worst this time right?"

I just nodded.

"I'm so sorry David, I'm praying for him to be okay, I really am... you know I really like him..."

"I know Matt."

Neither of us spoke for a while. I didn't know what to say, and I guess neither did he. After several minutes, he broke the silence.

"Dave... I'm sorry for being so rude, you didn't deserve that… even though I knew it was not your fault, I gave you a hard time, you were the most harmed…"

I didn't let him finish.

"Matt. You don't have to explain yourself. I understand you, you were only defending your sister. I saw how bad she was when she fainted, I can imagine how you were feeling! I thought a lot about that, at first I was angry, but then I realized you were right Matt, despite of what she did, she's your sister, you'd be wrong if you hadn't chosen her side. I admire you. It's like you finally grew up, I thought that was impossible!"

We both laughed.

"You're my best friend in the whole world, Dave. Man, that was so gay."

We laughed again.

"I know Matt. You are too."

He opened his mouth to say something, I knew what it was and didn't let him go on.

"You don't have to apologize. I told you, you were right."

"Friends again?"

"When weren't we?"

Since we were being gay anyway, I gave him a hug. All the fear for Adam was still there, but at least I had Matt there again.

"David… there's something else."

I waited.

"Tomorrow is your birthday... and I have a present for you."

"Should I be scared?"

He hesitated.

"Actually... the present is not from me.".

He got a little pack of his pocket, it looked like a little paper bag with something inside, and put it on the coffee table.

"She asked me to give this to you when we were on the plane. I was supposed to do it tomorrow, but since I'm here now… I don't know what it is, I didn't open it... I'm gonna leave it here, so you can open by yourself... See you later."

And he left. I stared at that for a while, until I had the courage to open it. What had Anne sent me?

I finally opened it, and got what was in there. It was her Ipod. I looked inside the bag, there was a paper there, I opened it.

_"This is my present for you. I left there only the songs you like. Don't break it, please... Happy Birthday, Bro."_

I read the note a lot of times. I got the Ipod and listened to the songs, and remembered those times when we listened together on the porch and I was always criticizing her songs, an eternity ago... it was weird not to listen to her tacky songs there, it was like something was missing...

Next day was my birthday, but I didn't feel like celebrating. I was in the hospital almost all day long, Andrew was there too. We went back home in the evening, my mom was making dinner, I wanted something very simple. I asked Andrew to drive, and on the way home, I got a text. I saw the sender, "Sis". I took a deep breath, and read it.

_"Happy Birthday, I love you."_

I stared at the screen for about 5 minutes. Since I was an idiot, I was touched by that, of course. Would I be totally over her someday? I wish I had the courage to delete it without any pain, but of course I wouldn't do that. Finally, I pressed "answer". I stared at the empty screen, waiting for me to write something. But I wondered, what would I say? "Thank you, unfortunately I love you too but this doesn't change anything"? I changed my mind, there was no answer. I guess she knew that too. With the corner of my eye, I saw Andrew looking at me, he might be feeling something was happening. But he didn't ask anything, and of course I wouldn't tell him.

Dinner was kinda cool, my mom had invited some relatives and friends, the guys from the band were there and Matt too, I was glad he came, we talked a lot, we needed that. I missed Matt. And her too. But that's pretty obvious... I wasn't on the mood for celebrating, with Adam on that situation... so dinner was not actually a success.

I had slept at the hospital that day, so Kendra could be with the kids. When I woke up, I was not feeling very well, I don't know what was happening… something was wrong. I looked at Adam, he was awake, looking at me. He looked awful. He gave me a weak smile.

"You're strange."

I didn't answer, I couldn't face him.

"You're afraid?"

I just nodded.

"Everything will be okay."

I looked him into the eyes.

"Will it?"

"Well... at least for me."

I hope he wasn't saying what I thought he was... I felt tears rolling down.

"Don't say that, Adam."

He opened his mouth to say something, but shut it. When he spoke again, I knew it was something else.

"Okay, I won't."

I sat on the chair beside the bed, and looked at him for a while. My heart was heavy, I didn't know if he'd get out of there… I tried to say something, but it didn't come out, my throat was closed…

"David, go home, take a shower, eat something, comb your hair... you look awful."

His voice was no more than a whisper... I giggled.

"Are you sure?"

"Yeah, I'll be fine. Andrew said he was coming in the morning, he must be here any minute now."

I didn't wanna go, but he was right, I was very hungry and must be stinking...

"Ok, I won't take long then."

I was at the door when I heard his weak voice calling me. I turned around.

"I love you, okay? And your brother too, don't forget it."

I crossed the room and hugged him. I couldn't hold the tears again, I tried to say I loved him too, but I couldn't… we were there for a while, before going out I looked at him one last time and he smiled, and I left.

Andrew was already there, so I went home, took a shower and got something to eat in the fridge. And then my mom reminded me I had some stuff about the documents of my car to solve, and it had to be done today. I tried to go fast, so I could go back to the hospital, but I couldn't, I had to go to a lot of places and wait a lot. And also, my cell battery had died, I couldn't call to see how Adam was. I was anxious, I wanted to go back there soon to see my brother… when I finally finished everything, it was almost evening, I ran to the hospital.

When I got there, the first odd thing was the number of people in the waiting room. A lot.

When I looked at Andrew, he didn't have to say anything.

"Dave... we tried to call you, but your cell was off..."

I fell on the couch. Nobody had to say anything, I already knew it.


	48. Losses

**Losses**

In the funeral, I was still out of my mind, it was kind of surreal yet. I only saw Adam at the hospital once, he could be sleeping. I couldn't stay there much long. Adam was always a kind of father to me, he taught me a lot, always. It would be hard not having him around. As much as I tried to prepare myself for that, knowing that it could happen sooner or later didn't make things easier. I felt like there was a whole in my chest. It would take a while for things to be okay.

I stand by the coffin, Kelly was by my side, and Andrew too. Kelly had been great for the last days, she barely left me. I saw Anne's folks o the other side, but Matt was nowhere. Andrew had told me he said he would come. A priest started saying some things, but I was only half-listening. After a few minutes, my attention was diverted by a movement not too far from me. When I looked, I saw Matt arriving, always late... but when I looked at his left, my heart stopped for a second, Anne was there. I couldn't believe she was here... we looked at each other's eyes, for a moment I wanted to run and hug her... she looked away. I tried to listen to what the priest was saying, but I couldn't stop thinking she was here.

In the end of the ceremony, I threw my roses on the grave. I couldn't hold the tears anymore, it was becoming more real… then we had to stay in line to receive the condolences, I saw no reason for that, it only made me feel worst… I had hugged about 20 people, when I saw Anne next to me, with Andrew. I thought I should be jealous, but it seemed so insignificant after what had happened… she said something to him, kissed him on the cheek and looked at me, I noticed I was still looking at her. She came towards me, and stopped in front of me. She seemed nervous, didn't look at me...

"Hi... David."

"Hey Anne..."

My voice came out weird. She hesitated.

"Dave... I'm sorry for coming, I know I shouldn't have… but… I had to… I really wanted to be here… I'm so sorry for him, I really am, I…"

she looked at me and stopped talking. I must be looking awful. And then, I realized I wasn't angry anymore, at least for a few moments it was my friend there, who had always been by my side when my brother was sick, and would hug me and tell things would get better… that emptiness inside of me was a bit smaller.

"I really thought he'd be okay, Anne..."

And I hugged her. I started crying again, I needed a hug from her, feel her warmth… I held her tight, and so did she. Then, we stared at each other again, and she spoke first.

"Dave, it's gonna be..."

I didn't let her finish.

"I know."

We were still staring at each other. She started walking away, I saw Matt coming. But before she left, I grabbed her arm.

"Thank you for coming back."

She looked at me for a few moments, I thought she'd say something. But she just nodded and left. Matt came and hugged me.

"I'm sorry I was late Dave, I went to pick Anne up at the airport, her flight got delayed…"

"it doesn't matter Matt, I'm glad you're here."

I talked to some other people, but I wasn't paying much attention. We went home, to the memorial service. I had to pretend I was okay, which I was not. Kelly was by my side all the time, and I liked her there, it made me feel good. With everything that had happened, I didn't have time to think about us, but I guess I could say we were together, she knew how to wait. When all this passed, I'd spend more time with her. But I betrayed myself... every two seconds I caught myself looking for Anne, among the people. I tried to think I was only grateful for her coming to Tulsa only for Adam, but deep down I knew that was a lame excuse. Why couldn't I get her out of my head once and for all? I remembered the video... I wanted to talk to her so much... I really was an idiot.

At some point, I got distracted talking to some friends and Kelly disappeared, she was nowhere. It was weird, she was with me the whole time... but I didn't care much, she might be talking to someone. I realized I hadn't eaten for a long time, I decided to get something. All of the sudden, I felt someone beside me...

"Dave?"

"Anne..."

"I'm leaving now... but before I go, I want to tell you something..."

If she said she was jealous of Kelly now, I don't know what I'd do.

"I'm listening..."

"I came because I really wanted to be here right now... you know I cared a lot about Adam... but I wanted you to know... he's not the only reason why I came back."

It was like someone had punched me in the face. I couldn't say anything... for one insane moment I wanted to forget everything, take her in my arms and kiss her… but I knew I had to separate things, I couldn't be weak… she put her hands on the back of my neck and pulled me, I thought for a second she'd kiss me, I closed my eyes and waited, surprising myself for not resist to that. But she kissed me on the cheek. And then, ran her fingers through my hair and stared at me. I saw a tear rolling down her face.

"Take care, okay?"

My throat was closed, I couldn't answer anything, just nodded. She left, and while I watched her leaving, I couldn't stop thinking about one thing: if she had kissed me on the lips, I'd have kissed her back. Stupid. STUPID.

Right after that, Kelly came back.

"Anne already left?"

I swallowed hard.

"Yeah..."

She was weird, but I didn't ask why.

Things went back to normal between my brother and I in the following days, there was no reason to be mad at him anymore. Even because... I only had that brother now. We didn't talk or anything, I couldn't take another conversation. It was implict. And things were going well with Kelly. 

... 

Christmas wasn't exactly a happy day, I was still very upset about Adam. I even considered going to Anne's, but I changed my mind... there was no point…Kelly was there, she even tried to cheer me up, but unsuccessfully… my mom realized things were very depressing, so she had the great idea of getting some tapes in my room from our childhood, so we could laugh a little… I thought it couldn't be worst. But I was wrong, of course.


	49. Decision

**Decision**

The movie started, I was expecting to see myself in Disney World, or in the pool with my brother, or "getting married" to Anne... I did see Anne, but she was definitely not a child... My heart was racing, I remembered I put Anne's tape together with the others, and now she was saying all those things again, in front of everyone. I got up quickly, to stop the video, but Andrew got up to and grabbed my arm to stop me, he was staring at the screen, like everybody else's. Watching the video again didn't make things easier, it was the opposite actually… every word was like a slap in the face.

When the video was over, everybody stared at me, and Andrew left the room. My mom asked me what I was expecting.

"David, what is this? What did Anne do?"

I'd never gonna tell, enough people knew that already, and I did not need to tell again. I answered before going to my room.

"Nothing mom, Anne did NOTHING, forget this damn video."

I was gonna go crazy, very soon. 

Next day, I was in my room when Kelly got in.

"Dave, we need to talk."

She was serious, that was not good. I told her to sit.

"I have to tell you something... important."

"Say it, I'm getting scared..."

"The thing is... Anne came to talk to me on the memorial service... and I think you should now what we talked about…"

"What did she say?"

I thought she had been rude to Kelly, because we were getting closer, I was already thinking about a lot of things to tell her, she hadn't changed at all, I was a jerk for believing she had, she had no rights over me...

"She asked me to be with you. That the thing she want the most in her life is to see you happy. .. I realized she doesn't want to be with you because she hurt you so much, and she's afraid to hurt you again… she'd rather let you go and made me swear I'd make you happy…"

I couldn't believe that.

"Did she really say that?"

"Yes. I didn't understand at the time why she was telling me all of that, but after I saw the video, everything made sense…. I thought about that all night long and I realized you should know about it. Look Dave, I like you, I do, I was willing to try something again with you… But I'm not gonna even try to compete with that… do you realize it? She gave up on you… this doesn't mean she doesn't like you enough to fight for you, it's actually the opposite! This means that she loves you much more than you can imagine, she loves you so much that the only thing she wants is to see you happy, even if it's with someone else… you have to be with her Dave, and don't try to tell me you don't like her, I saw the look on your face while you were watching the video."

Of course I was confused...

"Dave, I'm gonna tell you something I never did. When we used to date, I was jealous of Anne, you knew that? Because since then it was obvious, you two were the only ones who didn't realize that one day you'd end up together, that you were perfect for each other… obviously I wasn't gonna say anything, but it was obvious David… and now that you finally realized that, you're throwing everything away!

I knew she was right, but certain things wouldn't change.

"Kelly, it's much more complicated than you think, she made a mistake, and it was a huge one!"

Obviously I wasn't gonna tell her.

"So what? David, it's like you've ever made any mistakes! You're gonna tell me you never disappointed her?"

I thought about Kim, and the first time we tried to be together, I didn't value her enough, and I had no guts in a lot of occasions... I hadn't been 100% correct... but still, nothing justified what she did.

"By the look on your face, I can tell you're no saint either... Dave, stop with this pride, it says on your face that you're dying to be with her! Whatever she did, she really regrets it... everyone deserves a second chance, we have no right to judge anyone, we're only humans… if you don't go after her, you'll regret it for the rest of your life…"

I couldn't say anything, just look down. We heard my mom calling Kelly from downstairs, and she got up, but stopped at the door.

"Think about this David. Don't do anything stupid... everybody makes mistakes, everybody is human. Oh, your mom asked me to give this to you."

She threw the tape on my bed and left me alone.

I had to try very hard not to cry, it was too much to think...she had given up on me, only… for me to be happy. I still couldn't forget whatshe had done, but as Kelly said, everyone is human, how could I be 100% sure I'd never do this to her if I had the chance? I had told her I'd never do that, but I couldn't answer it to myself. Maybe I hadn't been 100% correct too... I know, her mistake was a lot worst than anything I had done, but I had to admit it... I was going crazy without her. I even tried to feel something new for Kelly, but I just couldn't stop thinking about Anne... but when I thought about going to NY after her, I called myself an idiot and weak for forgiving her, since I had sworn I'd never do it… I didn't know what waqs more important, my self pride or the love and desire of being with her... I didn't know what to do. 

Two days passed, and all I could think about was her, the vídeo and the conversation I had with Kelly, I couldn't even sleep well, I was really going crazy. But I still wasn't absolutely sure I should go to NY...

I was sitting on the couch, with the coaster on my hands, and Andrew sat beside me.

"You're thinking about her, right?"

"Kelly? No, it's not like that…"

"Don't play the fool David, you know who I'm talking about."

Was I that transparent?

"Yeah, I can't deny it... I can't stop thinking about her, despite of everything... I'm such an idiot, Andrew."

"You know what I still don't get? Why are you still here and not in NY with her."

I looked at him.

"Drew, it's much more complicated than you can imagine... actually, you don't even have to imagine it…"

We both laughed, and then he got serious.

"Dave... that day we went out she was really bad, it was obvious… I didn't ask what was going on and she didn't tell me either, but after the following events, it was pretty clear… Dave, have you never got so drunk that you just couldn't control your acts, didn't know what you were doing? Have you never done something really really stupid when you were drunk, and when you got sober again, realized you'd never have done that? I was there, I saw how many margaritas she drank, it wasn't 1 or 2… she was out of her mind when we kissed, I could see it in her eyes, and I was a little bit too… what I do know, is that she would NEVER have done this if she had the slightest idea of what she was doing… I'm not trying to justify her mistake, I'm just telling you what happened. It's obvious that she loves you… It was obvious that day, it was obvious in that video, it's written on her face every time I look at her and specially when she looks at you…"

Everything he said made sense, but...

"She slept with you Andrew, she wanted you and that's never gonna change!"

"I know it's not gonna change. But she wanted me for one night David... actually, she didn't even want me, like I said, she didn't even know what she was doing… it's YOU who she really wants, I think that video makes it clear… stop with this pride and go after her, do this favor to yourself, what's the point of having self-pride but being unhappy? Is your pride more important to you than your happiness? Dave, the past is not gonna change, I wish it would, but there's no way… but you can still change the future. Just don't reach your 80's regretting for not doing anything while you still had time."

He got a folded paper from his pocket and gave it to me.

"What's this?"

"It's where you can find Anne."

I opened the paper, there was an address in Manhattan.

"Where did you get this, Andrew?"

"With our neighbor, Matthew, have you met him?"

And he got out of the room, leaving me more confused than I already was… I put the address in my pocket and decided to take a walk to organize my thoughts. I thought about the video, my talk with Kelly and Andrew… it was a fact, I was going crazy without Anne… more than that, I was completely miserable without her close to me, her eyes, her laughter, her kiss, her scent. I finally realized that what my feelings for her were much bigger than my resentment for what she had done, and there was nothing I could do about it. I got the paper in my pocket and stared at the address for a long time, while I thought about everything. Andrew was right, the past would never change, as much as I wanted to. But I could change the future, and if I waited much longer, it could be too late. I got the coaster that was in my pocket and read it a lot of times. I knew I was weak and an idiot for forgiving her, but happiness always comes first. I was going to New York to be with Anne.


	50. Against Time

**Against Time**

I came back home and told Andrew about my decision, and he helped me finding a flight to NY. But everything was full, it was almost New Year, and everybody wanted to spend it at Times Square… damn it. I had to be on the waiting list, hoping someone would give up, I wanted to get there before new year…

It was already New Year's Eve morning, I was considering renting a car and driving there, I guess if I was Lucky I could get to NY by night... but the phone rang, there was an available flight at night, I would get there very late but there was no other option.

My brother took me to the airport, and I caught the flight, which was delayed, obviously. When I finally got to NY, it was almost 9 pm. It was raining a lot, and by the time I found a cab, I was soaked. When the cab driver asked for the address, I looked for it in my pocket, but when I got it, the paper almost fell apart because of the rain, I couldn't read anything anymore. Now what? I got my cell to call Matt and asked for the address again, but the battery had died. I asked the driver to leave me in a hotel and then I'd see what I would do. We finally found a hotel with vacancy, wich was a miracle, I left my stuff there and called Matt from the reception.

"Matt, I need your sister's address in NY.

"I had given to Andrew David, didn't he give you?"

"Yes, but I lost it Matt, it's urgent please!"

He told me the address and I wrote it down.

"Are you going to New York, Dave?"

"No Matt, I AM in New York, and I'm going after Anne now. And if by any chance you talk to her before I find her and tell her this, you're a dead man."

"I'll shut up."

"Happy New Year, Matt."

I hang up and ran to the street, it was gonna be impossible to find another cab, and even if I did, it would be impossible to move, everything was a chaos. I checked the address, unbelievable, it was close to Times Square... it was not too far away, I could walk there... I checked the clock, 11:10... I tried to walk fast, but it was impossible... I pushed people, but there were many, I felt I wouldn't be able to find Anne before midnight... when I finally got close to Times, the crowd was unbearable. When I finally found her street, I ran as fast as I could until her building, there were 5 minutes left. I rang the intercom but nobody answered, it could be broken, but actually I doubted she would be home in New Year, but it doesn't hurt to try. Someone opened the door to get out, so I got in. I heard the person complaining, but I didn't care. I ran upstairs, by the time I got to her door, I was panting.

I rang the doorbell and knocked a lot of times, and nothing happened. There was some light coming out from under the door. I tried to open the door and it did, I got in, the TV was on.

"ANNE!"

She didn't answer, I quickly looked around, she was nowhere. I checked my watch, 2 minutes left... she couldn't have gone too far... I considered going to the terrace, she might have gone there to see the fireworks despite of the rain, it was my last alternative, if she wasn't there I'd never find her on time…

I ran there, when I got to the terrace I looked around, there were a few people there, but nobody I wanted to see. I was getting desperate when I looked at the edge of the terrace my heart stopped for a moment. There she was, looking down, soaked. I could not see her face, but I knew it was her, she was wearing a shirt I had given her. I walked towards her, now there was less than 1 minute left. I wondered if that was the right thing, if I wasn't rushing things, but seeing her there, closer to me, I had no doubts anymore.

I stopped behind her, checked my watch, 12 seconds, I took a deep breath.

"Are you still waiting?"

She was petrified. She turned around slowly, and when she saw me, it was like she had been punched in the stomach. She looked at me from top to bottom, I was breathless, but smiled. She opened her mouth, tried to say something, but it didn't come out. Then, I heard her whispering.

"Always."

I heard a noise, a firework was exploding in the sky, when I looked back at her, she was also looking up. In that one second I stared at her, all the anger I might still be feeling disappear with the rain, all that mattered was that we were there, together.

I went towards her, fireworks were exploding, I grabbed her face and waist and kissed her. At that moment, I felt everything that had happened was disappearing from my mind, feeling her lips, her skin, her scent, made me forget all the rest, I had missed her so much… I had to be strong not to take of her clothes there, I wanted to have her right now… I felt I was soaked, I should be shaking, but I felt my body on fire… I didn't wanna stop, I wanted to stay there forever, I held her really close to me and didn't wanna let her go…

After a while, I don't even know how long, I held her and whispered...

"Happy New Year."


	51. A Happy New Year

**A Happy New Year**

I held her tight, didn't wanna let her go, I felt tears rolling down, I guess it was the longing... she moved away and looked at me, we stared at each other for a while, and then I heard her whispering.

"Have you ever heard that in some countries, wearing black in New Year is bad luck?"

I laughed.

"I wouldn't call this bad luck..."

She smiled. And I realized how much I missed that smile, so familiar. But then, she got serious.

"Why did you come to New York, David?"

Of course she would ask that at some point, but the explanation was long and I had more interesting things to do. I got serious too and answered her with a question.

"Why do you think?"

She didn't answer, just looked at me. I decided to move on to the next step.

"So, are you gonna invite me in or what? I'm freezing out here... and so are you..."

I held her tight in my arms, because she was cold. And also, to be more emphatic about my invitation. She laughed.

"The apartment is downstairs."

So, we went there. She went to turn the heating on, and I took of my jacket and shoes, which were soaked. Meanwhile, I was looking around, the apartment was small, but very nice, very Anne… on a shelf, there were a few photo frames, I could see some of Anne's friends, her parents, Matt, and an old picture of us, at Disneyworld…

She came back, and I decided to make a compliment, always useful.

"Your apartment is lovely..."

She blushed, and looked around.

"Yeah... it's pretty small, what I can afford... but I love it... It's good for me."

Exactly what I was thinking... and I finished.

"And it's close to Times Square...""...like we always dreamed."

We spoke at the same time and laughed. I always told her that someday, Matt, she and I would live in NY, and close to Times Square, which was my favorite place in town. While I remembered that, I looked at her. She broke the silence

"Dave... if you wanna take a shower... change your clothes, I don't know… well, I guess you have no dry clothes, but I can at least give you a blanket so you don't freeze… in fact, where's your stuff? You came here with nothing?"

Always the same, worried about unimportant things...

"Of course not... I left my stuff in the first hotel I found... everything was getting wet..."

In fact, I had to go back there later. But now, it wasn't time to think about that. I moved closer to Anne and put my arms around her.

"Actually, I don't need my dry clothes now..."

Nice one. She widened her eyes and blushed again. I could feel her heart beating fast.

"Still cold?"

She whispered.

"Not even a little bit..."

There were still some raindrops on her face. All of the sudden, I remembered one night, months ago, when I was looking at her face, the moon was lighting up her face, and a few drops were also rolling down… I also remembered what happened after that, it was the first time we got together, one of the best nights of my life. And then, I felt as if everything that had happened after that night didn't exist. At least for tonight. I decided to check if she was also finding that scene familiar too.

"You know... looking at us wet reminds me of a scene that happened months ago... you remember?"

She stared at me for a while before answering. I could see my own eyes reflected on hers…

"I remember it every day."

Ok, that's it. I ran my hands through her face, tried to remember the last time we were so close, it had been ages ago… I didn't care about what she had done anymore, Andrew was right, we couldn't change the past, but we could do something about the future, it was her I loved, I wanted, I had no more doubts about that, I couldn't be without her… I might be criticized for my decision, but I didn't regret it, I was happy… her scent was hypnotizing me…

I was in a hurry, I wanted to get to fourth base soon, as usual between us... I considered undressing her and lay her down on the living room floor... but I gave it a second thought, it had been so long since we had last been together, and this was special, we had to enjoy every second, and the song on the radio was inspiring me to be romantic at least for once... we deserved that.

I slowly took off her coat and another blouse, leaving her wearing only a tank top... I could feel her shaking, but I guess it wasn't because she was cold... I kissed her on the lips, the face, the neck, the shoulder... I felt her whole body shivering. She took my shirt off and looked at me, I unbottoned my jeans. I ran my hand through my wet hair, and Anne was still looking at me, and this time her mouth was a little opened. She stared at me, I pulled and kissed her. I decided to be a little bit more romantic and lifted her up, to take her to the room.

"What is this, David?"

We were really not used to that romance... but that was a special occasion.

"I guess at least this time we deserve something more comfortable than the garage or the living room floor..."

I took her to her room, which was not hard to find, there were not many options. I slowly laid her down on the bed, and not as I usually would have done. I leaned on my arms and just stared at her, she was so beautiful… I could only think about the good memories, everything we had been through together, the first kiss, the day at the garage, the first time we said "I love you", the good days in Hawaii… I tried to go as slowly as I could, at the same time I wanted to get to the good part soon, but I also didn't want it to end, we deserved that, it had been so long… I was waiting for the moment Anne would pull me, ask me to get that over with because she couldn't take it anymore, but I realized she was also enjoying that, enjoying every moment, I could see that in her eyes, that she didn't wanna be anywhere else in the world but here. Neither did I.

I gently took her clothes off, didn't tear anything up this time, and she did the same. In every look, every kiss, I felt how much we had missed each other… and every time I felt her scent, I could feel all the anger disappearing, far, far away… I kissed her whole body, sometimes I stopped to look at her in the eyes and run my fingers through her face… she put her hand on my chest, I could feel my heart beating fast and I knew hers was too. Everytime I kissed her it was like the first time, and I realized it was somehow, it was our first time since we had changed a lot, the old David and Anne were in the past.

I rubbed my face on her groin, I remembered that first time again... I stayed there for a while, but I couldn't hold it much longer. I went up again, she held me, I started kissing her and we finally completed each other. Boy, I had missed her so much... I felt her shaking, and I surrendered. It was the best feeling in the whole world... that I loved her, that she belonged with me.

I lay down next to her, exhausted. She came closer and rested her head on my chest, I held her, wanted her as close to me as possible. I covered both of us with the blanket, I remembered that time when I woke up in the middle of the night all wet and freezing, and seeing her shaking too… I didn't say anything, I was too tired and there was nothing to say. I guess she felt the same. Even though I was tired, I wasn't sleepy, I didn't wanna sleep yet, I just stayed there, remembering all the moments and running my fingers through her hair, it still had the same scent as I remembered, I always loved it... after a while, I looked down and realized she was sleeping. I stared at her for a while, held her closer to me so she wouldn't be cold, and then I finally fell asleep too.


	52. Of course something had to go wrong

**Of course something had to go wrong.**

When I woke up, it was already morning. It took a while for me to remember where I was, then I looked down and saw Anne sleeping there, with her hand on my chest. Yeah, she had to sleep by MY side, now everything was right. I just looked at her for a while, gently caressing her hair not to wake her up… I didn't regret what I had done, I loved her and really felt this time things could work out between us. All the bad things that could happen with us already did, so we could handle anything now. I felt I was meant to be with her, we belong together and I couldn't escape from that. I resisted the urge to wake her up and repeat the scene from the previous night, instead I gently took her hand off my chest, got up and went to the living room to call my brother and give him the good news.

"Hi Drew, Happy New Year!"

"DAVE! Did you make it on time? Did you find the building? Did you talk to Anne? Where are you?"

I laughed.

"Right now, I'm on Anne's couch... in my underwear."

I looked through the window to make sure nobody was looking...

"YOU GO MY BROTHER! That's what I wanted to hear... are you in good terms then?"

"Well... considering what happened last night, I wouldn't say things are bad..."

"That's amazing David... I feel less guilty now... I'm so happy for you! I really am!"

"I know Drew, thanks… and don't blame yourself anymore, it's over… I'm gonna go now, try to make some coffee…"

"But I thought you said you were not mad at her anymore..."

"Why are you saying this?"

"Are you gonna poison her?"

He laughed, and so did I.

"Bye, Drew."

I hang up and remembered my pants were still in Anne's room, so I went back there to get them, and took another look at her, still sleeping. I went to the kitchen and tried to make a decent coffee, but I was not doing very well. I was almost giving up when Anne showed up at the door, I smiled.

"Good morning! Happy New Year."

She seemed shy.

"You too..."

I went to her and give her a kiss. She gave me a weird look.

"What? Why are you looking at me like this?"

"This dream never ends?"

What?

"What dream?"

She looked at me as if it was obvious.

"This is a dream, right? You can't be here for real!"

So she was thinking it was a dream? Always hilarious... I laughed.

"You know this isn't a dream. Look, I didn't want to wake you up, I'm trying to make breakfast with some stuff I found…"

Ela riu também.

"I'll help you."

That was the idea. We made coffee (actually, SHE made coffee, she just told me not be in her way) and sat down to have breakfast. While we were eating, she was kinda weird, I don't know if she wanted to ask something, maybe… when we finished, she took a deep breath and asked what was all that, if I had forgiven her or if I'd leave, as a way of punishment. I was already expecting this question, after all, the situation had changed completely and she had no explanation for it.

When she finished talking, a tear roll down her face, she was really afraid I was gonna leave her. I held her face and stared at her for a few moments. That was a long talk, I still had to go to the hotel to get my stuff and change clothes, I was very smelly. I decided to have that conversation when I came back.

I got my shirt from the floor and put it on, and told Anne I'd go to the hotel to change and get my stuff, and then would come back. She was confused.

"Okay, if that's what you want..."

I smiled at her.

"You wait for me?"

"Of course... you know I always wait for you, Bro..."

She hadn't called me that in so long...

"And you promise to come back?"

I could see in her eyes she was really scared.

"I promise I'll come back, Sis..."

She knew I always kept my promises.

"I'm waiting for you then."

I kissed her on the forehead and left. When I got to the street, I had to stop for a second to remember where the hotel was. Everything was so confusing yesterday, I didn't even bother writing down the address… I had to stop at a newsstand to ask for directions… after wandering around for a while, I finally got there. I gathered my stuff and decided to call Kelly to thank her, and tell everything went well. But I couldn't reach her, her cell phone was off, so I texted her.

"Kel, thanks for "waking me up". I'm in NY, everything is fine now (so far). Take care, Dave."

I put on some dry clothes and got my stuff. When I looked at the guitar, I made a decision. I checked out and decided to take the subway to get to Anne's faster. But o course, Murphy's law was there. When I was inside it, I guess the power went out or whatever, it stopped inside the tunnel. That couldn't be happening. At least there were only a few people in there… I got my cell to tell Anne, but (Murphy again) it had no signal, since we were in the tunnel. You've got to be kidding me.

Half an hour later, nothing happened, I was going insane, walking around, sweating. This CANNOT be happening, Anne must be going crazy too... she must be thinking I didn't keep my promise and left… MY GOD please let this subway work again!

5 minutes later, lights went on and the subway started working, THANK GOD! I got to the station and ran off, holding everything, I was looking ridiculous, for sure. I didn't stop until I got to the building, by the time I got to her door I was breathless, I took a few deep breaths.

I put my stuff on the floor and opened the door, I guess I didn't have to knock... she had her back to me, talking on the phone, I heard her saying Matt's name. But when she saw me, she dropped the phone and when I realized it, she was all over me.

"You're back!"


	53. Another New Beginning

**Another new beginning**

I held her and put her down. I knew she hadn't believed me very much. But okay, I took a little longer than I imagined.

"Didn't I promise I would?"

"Yes..."

"I'm sorry for taking so long, I took the subway and the power went out, I was stuck in there and couldn't call you…"

"It doesn't matter, you're here now..."

I kissed mer. She looked at my stuff.

"You're moving?"

"Yeah... IF you don't mind, I was thinking about staying here for a few days... you know, I'm kinda short of money for a hotel... can I stay over?"

"You can stay as long as you want, you know that."

I knew that, but I had to make sure... but I couldn't postpone it anymore, we had to have that talk...

"Good, since we decided that, I think it's time we talk a little, right?"

I could see her shivering. I took her to the couch, took a deep breath and started talking, I said I had got really mad, I thought I'd never be able to forgive her, that I couldn't believe she had done that to me… she started saying something, but I interrupted her, I still had a lot to say…

I said I had done everything to forget her, of course I didn't tell her the dirty part, but I admitted that after a while I just couldn't stop thinking about her and was mad at myself for that... I also admitted I was afraid she would prefer Andrew over me, that I was very confused and would be an idiot if I forgave her...

When I finished, tears were rolling down her face.

"And what changed your mind?"

I got my backpack and looked for the coaster and the tape. When I showed it to her, she was petrified. Then, started laughing and crying at the same time.

"You were there!"

"Yes."

"But... you took so long, I saw your car in the garage, that's why I texted you… I waited for almost 2 hours, I thought you weren't going…"

I explained I had gone out with Andy with his car, forgot my cell at home and when I went back, I saw smoke coming out of the house and her text…

"You thought I was in there?"

"Of course! I thought you had done something stupid… so I ran there, and saw there was not much fire left in the fireplace, a lot of burned things and the tape and the coaster on the table… I went home, watched it and realized who you really liked, I saw you had learned a lot from that, I recognized the old Anne there and a new and better person. But still, I wasn't ready to forgive you yet… I thought about coming to NY so we could talk, but then Adam got sick…

I stopped talking, Adam's death was still very recent, I didn't like talking about it very much. She held my hands and I relaxed a little with her touch.

"And then I had to postpone everything else... Kelly reapeared... there were your birthday text and present... I almost replied, but I didn't know what to say, so I changed my mind... and then, you went to the funeral, and I was totally confused... I considered having something with Kelly again, but at the same time I couldn't stop thinking about you, I didn't know what to do... and then..."

"Then what?"

I told her Kelly had talked to me, and told me about the conversation she and Anne had had. She turned pale.

"David... I had asked her not to..."

"She said she wasn't supposed to be telling me all of that, but she felt she should, don't be mad at her... she saw the video by accident, my mom wanted to show us an old video on Christmas, but she switched the tapes, so everybody saw it... and then, she figured everything out, why you had told her that... and she decided to tell me everything... I needed some days to think, I talked to Andrew too and realized I had forgiven you, you had changed a lot, and I missed you a lot too... and I admit it, I know I was being week and an idiot for forgiving what you had done, but I couldn't help it... I guess we both already suffered enough, it's time to get things right between us... again."

She started laughing and crying again. Then, she turned serious.

"So, you forgive me?"

Yeah, I really didn't keep my promises... I had said one thing and now I was changing my mind...

"Yes."

But she wasn't satisfied yet.

"And you're not gonna throw in my face what I did in our first discussion?

I'd be a son of a bitch if I did that.

"I promise I won't. This is all in the past."

I thought she'd be relieved, but instead, she started crying. I didn't know what to do. What had I said now?

"What's wrong, Anne?"

She was talking while crying, it was kinda hard to understand.

"I don't deserve you, David!"

Oh my God... I decided to wait, she took a deep breath.

"Dave... I made so many mistakes... so many... I made you suffer so much, I was so selfish, Dave... you deserve someone who only makes you happy, I'm all wrong, I only did you harm, really David, I'm awful... it's better if you find someone else, Kelly maybe..."

I didn't let her finish. I held her shoulders.

"ANNE! STOP IT!"

she looked at me and started crying again.

"Anne... don't be silly... I think I'm mature enough to decide what's good for me or not... ok, what you did was wrong, but I told you, it's in the past now! I'm no saint either, none of us are... and I don't have to find anyone else, forget about Kelly! I love you and it's you I must be with. Now quit it."

She took a few more deep breaths until she calmed down, and then smiled.

"Do you think we can make it this time?"

"We're in New York now... if we can make it here… we'll make it anywhere."

That's what I was betting on...

"I told you, I Love you Sis... what can I do?"


	54. Another Beginning

**Another Beginning**

She was my weakness, and there was nothing I could do about it. She laughed, I kissed her. I felt that conversation was taking too long, and there were better things to do. I remembered something else.

"Anne... I can see you look much better now that you did when you fainted… but I was worried, Matt told me you weren't eating, and was getting worst… I was very worried, are you better now? Are you eating normally?

She became serious again.

"Dave, I told you that Day not to worry about me, I was gonna be fine... I did what I said, I got better and better and now I'm completely fine, I didn't want you to worry about me... I'm fine."

I couldn't believe that. She didn't decide to get better for her own good, but so I wouldn't worry about her… I was about to give her a lecture, but I knew there was no point… Anne was crazy, but I didn't know how I spent so much time without her… ok, enough with the talking.

"I'm glad you're fine... now that you're already talked, I guess I need a shower, I didn't took one at the hotel... that tub in your bathroom seems tempting... wanna join me?"

I gave her her favorite smile.

"I just took a shower... but I guess I already need another one! I'm gonna get some towels."

When she left, I got my guitar. I had decided to give it to her, even though she had deserved what I did to hers. I don't know why, but I wanted her to have it. I called her and told her I had a surprise.

"Another surprise, David? Didn't I have enough already?"

I laughed and showed her the guitar.

"Ok Dave... I'm familiar with your guitar already, it's no surprise to me."

"But it's not mine anymore."

I got my guitar and put it in her hands.

She widened her eyes like Andy.

"What are you talking about, Dave?"

"It's yours, Sis."

"No, Dave! Are you insane?"

"Of course not... I'm to blame for you not having you guitar anymore, it's the least I can do Anne… I know you prefer a Strat, but a Les Paul is as good…"

"David, you can't be serious!"

"I totally am! It's yours!"

"No David, There's no way I'm taking your guitar! Never!"

Why does she always make things so complicated?

"Anne, it's more than fair that I give you another one."

"David, I deserved you to break my Strat, you don't have to give me another one! I'm gonna save some money to buy a new one..."

yeah, that was true, but things weren't the same anymore...

"Anne, I WANT you to have this guitar!"

"But why Dave?"

"Because you learned how to play with this guitar... It's only fair that you have it... take it please..."

She gave me an undefined look for a while and then giggled.

"Okay, I guess a Gibson is as good as a Fender anyway..."

I laughed and hugged her, I knew she would give in… and then I remembered about the Ipod she had given to me, I had to show her it was still intact… I got it from my backpack.

"I didn't break this, see?"

She gave me a huge smile.

"Oh, I put some new songs... your music taste was never very good..."

"Typical."

I laughed. Ok, time for the shower. I took the guitar from her and put it on the couch, together with the Ipod, and we went to the bathroom.

Ever since I saw that tub for the first time, I had dirty thoughts including it, and it didn't disappointed me. I remembered something, I still hadn't asked her, but I was curious.

"Anne... about the burnt things in the fireplace... you burned them? What was that?"

She hesitated for a while, looked down and then at me again.

"Don't you remember when I said in the vídeo that I had made a scenery to our conversation?"

I made an effort to remember that part... and then, her voice came in my mind: "All the memories I had from you." I shivered.

"You... burned... everything?"

"Yes. I didn't know what else to do to forget you, I thought maybe coming to New York alone wouldn't be enough, and maybe this would help… I didn't want anything that reminded me of you, I wanted to erase you from my mind completely when I came here… and it didn't work out, obviously.

I smiled at her and pulled her closer, she rested her head on my chest, I held her.

"Well, I guess we're gonna have to start all over again, we have a coaster... you have a camera here, right? We can start today, using the city as a scenery... Times Square seems inviting... M&M's store too..."

She laughed too. We stayed Luke this for a while, but I started to notice she was kinda weird, thoughtful, as if she was worried about something, but when I looked at her, she would smile. I decided not to ask anything, if something was bothering her, she'd say. I was caressing her hair, when she finally said it.

"Dave... can I ask you a question?"

Oh God.

"Sure."

She turned around to face me.

"If you didn't think the house was on fire, if you had just got the message... would you have gone there anyway?"

Yeah, I imagined she'd ask me this at some point... I had already asked myself that same question, and for a while I didn't know the answer... but unconsciously, I always knew what I'd do...

"I would have tried not to go, I would have tried to make myself believe it was not worth it, that I didn't care about anything you had to say... but of course I would have gone."

She smiled and turned her back at me again, before she laid on my chest, I saw the tattoo on her back, which was the same as mine... I kissed the top of her head. We had made the right choice, I didn't regret my decision at all... it was really permanent.

* * *

><p><em>There's still the epilogue, okay!<em>


	55. EPILOGUE  Permanent

**EPILOGUE**

**PERMANENT**

**_6 months later_**

My mom entered the room calling us, I didn't even know where I was. I looked at the clock, 8 am.

"Why so early, mom? There's still plenty of time..."

"There's a lot of things to do David!"

"But mom! It's still 8 am!"

"I don't care! I expect you all downstairs in 15 minutes!"

She left the door opened, with the light coming in, she knows how much I hate it. I called Matt and Andrew, who were sleeping on the floor (there were people sleeping in my brother's room). I heard Matt's rusky voice coming from somewhere in the room.

"What time is it?"

"8 am."

This time it was Andrew's voice.

"EIGHT AM? Go to hell, David."

I threw the pillow at him.

"Your mom is calling us, and if we take very long to get up, she'll be back with water."

We had slept really late because of the rehearsal dinner. But to my mom, that means nothing.

We spent all day long doing a lot of things, picking up people at the airport, I even had to pick up some dresses. To be honest, I don't see why this is all necessary...

It was harder to go out in public now, with the new contract I had got in NY, and my new CD was almost coming out (and the song I had written to Anne – Avalanche 0 was in it), I was going to a lot of tv shows, and making concerts with the band, and there were a lot of new fans... everything was great.

When it was almost time to go, we changed into our suits and went to the church. There were a lot of people already there, it's was already time, but of course, they weren't here yet, why is the bride always late? I considered calling Anne, but I didn't. I talked to a lot of people, some of them even asked for an autograph, come on…

I saw the guys from the band, Kyle's hair was really straight, Neal was wearing a purple suit. I also saw Lara with the other Kyle, Anne's ex-boyfriend... she had told me they were together, and I could see things were fine between them… good, one less thing to worry about.

After half an hour, I finally saw the car coming, and told Matt and Andrew it was time.

When everybody took their seats, we walked in.

After a few moments, Anne walked in. She was gorgeous, even more than usual, I saw her smiling at Matt and then looked at me. I couldn't stop smiling at her. I tried hard not to run towards her, at the aisle.

When she got to the altar, she passed by me smiling, and went to the other side. The song changed, I looked at the door and Rachel was walking in, in white. She was beautiful too, but I couldn't resist, I looked back at Anne. She was now staring at Matt, I saw he was crying, and so was she. The ceremony was beautiful, although I thought it was a bit early for them to get married, but if they wanted too… and apparently, it was gonna last, Rachel was a nice girl.

I didn't feel like dancing at the party, Anne was dancing with her dad, Matt, and a lot of other people, I didn't want to interrupt, after all, it was her family... I Sat at the table with the guys from the band, Matt invited us to play at the party, but we still had some time. They were messing around, of course, but I was lost in thoughts. At another table, Andrew was with Janine, they were going out for three months now, she was Rachel's cousin, who had come to Tulsa with her to visit Matt... and apparently things were going well, I could tell he liked her... Kelly was at the same table, talking to Anne's cousins.

I was glad she came, I was always gonna be grateful for her opening my eyes about Anne, even though that had cost our relationship attempt. They were even closer now, look at that. Kelly was thinking about studying abroad, and since Anne had experience in that, she was helping her with that. I just hope she doesn't choose Australia.

I looked at Anne, she was dancing with Matt again. It was obvious their relationship was much more intense now. At first I couldn't understand how Matt could be on her side instead of mine, defended Anne instead of me, his best friend, knowing she was wrong. But as I had said to him, I understand that later, after Matt said those things to me, that it was obvious which side he would pick, I might be his childhood best friend, but she was his sister, they shared the same blood, and she was suffering right in front of him.

I would have made the same choice, and I admired him for that. Now, they were always together, and when they were far away, they spoke daily on the phone. I smiled looking at them.

Things were great between Anne and I. Our situation was still undefined. I was traveling a lot around EUA, making concerts anf going to TV shows, but I spent almost all my free time with her in NY, I already had taken half of my stuff to her apartment. Actually, I didn't call it "her apartment" anymore, but "our" (and I also helped with the rent). I loved being with her, but somedays we were just friends, I didn't know exactly what was going on and I guess she didn't either. But it was good this way. I did my best to give her the attention she deserves, I didn't wanna make the same mistakes again, when I almost lost her for not caring enough...

She was also doing well at the producer, she got promoted and we were considering a bigger apartment (even though that was "our place". It was weird that things were so calm, I was used to fights and arguments, we hadn't had that for a long time. At least nothing serious, just some stupid things because of crazy fans or clothes too short. But that was much better.

After a few minutes, I saw Anne at an empty table, I sat beside her.

"Tired?"

"Yeah... I danced a lot, I came here to rest a little bit…"

I tried my best pity face.

"You're not gonna dance with me?"

she smiled.

"In five minutes!"

"I'm gonna wait here, okay?"

"Of course."

She was staring at me, with a distant look in her eyes.

"What?"

"Nothing... just thinking about everything we went through... it's unbelievable that nothing bad happened this last months… it's a record!"

I made a joke.

"For sure... what was our previous record? A week?

(That was almost true). She said our story was like a movie, with the two main characters going through a lot of stuff until the end.

"So, this is the end?"

She looked at me for a while before answering.

"For me, it's only the beginning."

I kissed her, then she asked when we were playing. I looked at the guys, they were stealing the tray from the waiter, I laughed. I told her Matt would let me know, and invited her to dance.

The DJ was playing  watch?v=5WWT9oarq18, I pulled her closer to me. We danced for a while, and I started watching Matt and Rachel, Who were dancing close to us. I tried to imagine how it would be if it was Anne and me… and I was surprised with myself to realize I didn't know If that's what I expected from us… at least not now… I decided to ask how she felt about that.

"Can you see ourselves like them?"

She looked back to see who I was talking about, It took a while for her to answer.

"You know Dave... I already imagined a lot of times, me walking down the aisle in White and you, waiting for me at the altar... but now... I don't anymore."

I didn't know if it was for the same reason as me, so I decided to me dramatic.

"So you don't wanna be with me anymore?"

she laughed.

"Of course I do... I love you, you know that..."

I knew what I wanted. But I was afraid it wasn't what she wanted... I didn't know how to explain it, I didn't wanna hurt her...

"So, what do you wanna do, Sis? You want us to formalize our relationship?"

She also took a while to answer.

"I don't want that either..."

"So, what do you wanna do, then?"

She smiled, and looked at me.

"I have no idea. And you know what... I'm very happy this way."

That was exactly how I felt, and to my surprise and relieve, she felt the same…

"I know what you mean... I felt that way too."

"I don't wanna think about how we're gonna be tomorrow. Tomorrow doesn't exist for me, all that matters is now, I wanna live today with you… as a woman, or a friend, or a sister… Dave, it doesn't matter how we're gonna be... we're always gonna have each other, that's enough. I just love not knowing."

She put in words exactly what was inside of me. I was hers, she was mine, in all the ways, we were more sure about that everyday, and that was enough. Just that. But I decided to try all the possibilities.

"What if tomorrow we decide to be together for real?"

"Then, we make it official."

"And what if there's nothing left tomorrow?"

We danced, she took a while to answer. She smiled before answering.

"What we have is permanent."

And that was enough for both of us. I smiled and kissed her. But of course Matt had to interfere.

"HEY!"

We both laughed.

"I'm sorry guys, Dave, you're gonna play in 3 minutes!"

What? Playing?

"Gee, I completely forgot... ok, go ahead and let them now I'm already going!"

"Do not delay, David Cook!"

"I will not, Matthew Lewis!"

He left, and I turned to Anne.

"Play a song with me?"

"Sure!"

I went to the stage with her and turned to Andy.

"Get off Andy, Anne's playing with me!"

He widened his eyes (even more).

"What? I'm not playing?"

"Relax Andy... it's just the first one, you can come back after it."

He left, and Anne was already picking the guitar up.

"Which one is it gonna be, Bro?"

I thought for a while. A piece of song came to my mind:

_"I can be myself now finally_

_In fact there's nothing I can't be_

_I want the world to see you be_

_With me..."_

"How about **Hey Soul Sister**?"

"That says a lot."

I said that to the boys, got my new guitar (since the old one was taken) and went to the center of the stage, the guests were already waiting for the show. Anne started the song, I looked at her and blinked, she smiled. Everything was okay, my CD was coming out soon, I was playing with the guys at my best friend's wedding, and at least for today, everything was okay with "my girl"… all was well.

**THE END.**

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><p><em>Thanks again so much for reading it! God bless!<em>


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